Being the Expert on Yourself
By Mary Ellen Copeland, M.S., M.A.
cont.
Ideas on Accessing Inner Knowledge
You may have received so much advice and been told so many things about
yourself over the years that you have no idea how to access your inner
knowledge. While it takes time and patience, you can learn to – or improve
– your ability to listen to yourself and to determine what is best and
right for you. Some of the following ideas may be helpful to you. As you work
on this, you will discover other ways that help you to know yourself and what
you need.
When another person suggests that you do something or says something
about you, make sure it feels right to you before acting on it. You may ask
yourself, "Is it a 'bing' (right) or is it a 'thud' (wrong)?" If it
involves action, you could write the options on sheets of paper. Shuffle them.
Then choose a sheet of paper. By noticing your emotions about what is written
on the paper, you will know whether or not it is the right answer for you.
Educate yourself so that you know all there is to know about the issue
or issues at hand. As you learn, make sure what you are learning feels right to
you. Remember, just because it is in a book by a prestigious author or on an
Internet site does not mean it is right, or that it is right for you. For
instance, many people who have a psychiatric diagnosis are given erroneous
information like: you will never get well, you can never have children, you can
never be in an intimate relationship, you can never go to college, or you can
never have the career of your choice. Education will help you conduct your own
assessment of each issue. You may decide that you don't even agree with the
diagnosis or that anyone has the right to diagnose you with anything. You may
prefer to think about your symptoms as feelings rather than a diagnosis.
Discuss the issue in-depth with a person or people you trust, even an
"expert" like a doctor or a counselor. Then decide for yourself how
you feel about the input you received and what action you are going to take.
Before making a major decision about anything, decide to wait a
specified amount of time – for instance three days (or longer for more
important decisions). Often, after reflection, you will change your mind. My
mother once jotted down a note that said, "If you haven't changed your
mind lately, maybe you don't have one."
Consider
journaling. The process of writing can be helpful for
gaining understanding of how you really feel about something. Don't worry about
penmanship or grammar. Write anything you think or feel; it doesn't have to be
right. It can be pure fantasy. It can be thoughts, feelings, expressions of
emotions, ideas, plans – anything you want. You never have to show it to
anyone if you don't want to. Others should respect the privacy of your
writings. Reread your writings when you feel like it.
Think about peer counseling. Ask a friend that you trust to peer counsel
with you. Decide how much time you can spend (most people do it for one hour,
but it could be more or less time), divide the time in half, and each of you
spend your half of the time talking, laughing, crying, ranting, raving –
anything that feels right to you – while the other person listens closely
without interrupting you.
As you work on accessing the inner knowledge that you possess, and taking
action based on what you know about and want for yourself, you may find, as I
have, that the quality of your life improves and that your life becomes richer
than you could have ever imagined.
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