The Truth about Santa

by Elaine M. Gibson

At some point in every child's life, parents must face the BIG question, What do I tell my child about Santa? When do I tell my child the truth? How do I tell my child that Mom and Dad are really Santa?

I approached these details with a great deal of bias from my own childhood. My parents told me the truth before I wanted to hear it. My cousin asked for a bike and Santa brought him one. I had wanted a bike but Santa didn't bring me one. My mother was worried that I would think Santa loved Jimmy more since Jimmy got his wish.

I don't remember even wanting a bike but I do remember the shock of hearing the truth revealed. My first reaction was that my parents had been lying to me and that was awful. There was also a sense of loss at not being able to believe in Santa Claus anymore. I decided that I would never tell my children that Santa Claus was real and thereby avoid the problem.

When my first child was less than two years old, we attended the Christmas parade in downtown Bryan, Texas. The parade was almost over when Erin, atop her dad's shoulders, started chanting, "Santa, Santa, Santa!" She saw him and the magic began.

We read the Santa books and she pointed out every Santa image for the entire season. She was obviously thrilled with the whole mystique and I simply watched and enjoyed her excitement. I decided to keep my opinions to myself.

During the next few years, I let her invent her own Santa myths. She adopted ideas from books and films as well as from her friends. We avoided the "Santa only brings gifts IF you are good" routine and the "Santa knows everything you do so you better watch out" propaganda. Both concepts are designed to scare the stuffing out of kids and are used by desperate parents.

As this child began to ask questions, we simply answered with, "What do you think?" and she came up with the answers she was ready to accept and willing to believe.

Next, she really wanted answers but she also wanted to believe in Santa even though it was not making "sense" to her.

We would answer her questions with "It must be magic." Magic, fantasy, and pretend are normal parts of a young child's life and she could live with that answer. Then one December when Erin was four, she asked me the dreaded question, point blank.

"What do you think? and "Santa is magic" were no longer adequate answers. She demanded an answer but was obviously upset at the anticipated answer. (We were in the car at the time where all meaningful conversations seem to take place.)

Remembering how much I wanted to believe in Santa, I told my daughter that you can believe something is real if you want to believe it. I asked her if she wanted to believe in Santa and she said, "Yes." At that point, she actually decided to believe and convinced herself so well that she went through one more Christmas before explaining the "truth" to me.

Santa is magic and sooner or later everyone understands that there is a trick to all magic. When children begin to understand magic tricks, they figure out the trick to Santa. Erin accepted the fact that parents are Santa and relished the idea of being a Santa for someone else.

Some child specialist recommend debunking the Santa myth as soon as possible. Other specialists recommend telling children that Santa is real in response to a child's question. I suspect that both recommendations are the result of personal Christmases long ago.

As a parent, you need to handle the situation in whatever manner is comfortable. Think through your own feelings, be aware of your child's needs, then act accordingly. The "right" thing is what's right for your family.

Personally, I think I will continue to believe in Santa Claus. For as every kid knows, that way you get a present from Santa AND your parents!

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