Chapter 6: Lighten Up!

Grown-up kid at heart

Being lighthearted does not mean being irresponsible or immature. It does not mean turning cartwheels at a parent-teacher conference, throwing overdue bills in the fireplace, or feeding kids Pop Tarts for dinner. It is quite possible to be lighthearted and pay your bills on time, make sure your children are well fed and rested, and to follow through with discipline when it is warranted. Having established a framework of responsibility, security, and consistency, parents are free to act goofy and fun-loving. Many lighthearted parents are declared the "coolest moms or dads on the block," without ever compromising their values, beliefs, or the respect that their children have for them.

Mike, the kindhearted enforcer

We knew a single father named Mike who did a wonderful job of balancing lightheartedness with maturity and responsibility. He had two children, Dara and Brice. Mike was a police officer. It was a stressful job that needed to be taken very seriously. It would have been easy for Mike to bring that serious act home with him, but when he stepped into the parenting act at the end of the day, Mike made a conscious effort to lighten up. He told us, "I'm not dealing with criminals, I'm dealing with children. My children. I see so much unhappiness and suffering out there. Everybody's angry or afraid. Most of my calls are domestic disputes. You cannot believe how some families treat each other. Everyone's tense; everyone's mad; everyone's got a gripe. I swore to myself that I would never raise my children like that. We have rules in our house, and we all must obey them. That's the way the world works, and the best place to learn it is at home. We're not all regimen, though. We also have a lot of fun. We tease; we play; we act silly; we are spontaneous. It's not unusual to have a water fight when we're washing the car, or to turn down the sound to a video and make up our own funny lines. I believe that life is meant to be enjoyed, and I've instilled that spirit into my children. We don't get all bent out of shape when one of us makes a mistake. We correct it and we move on from there. I know that what I'm doing works. I get my proof at the end of the day when my kids run into my arms. My children feel safe with me. They trust me and enjoy me. The most important thing is that we enjoy each other. That's what being a family is all about." We couldn't agree more.

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