I took the lamp and, leaving the zone of everyday occupations and relationships where everything seems clear, I went down into my innermost self, to the deep abyss whence I feel dimly that my power of action emanates. But as I moved further and further away from the conventional certainties by which social life is superficially illuminated, I became aware that I was loosing contact with myself. At each step of the descent a new person was disclosed within me of whose name I was no longer sure, and who no longer obeyed me. And when I had to stop my exploration because the path had faded from beneath my steps, I found a bottomless abyss at my feet, and out of it came--arising I know not from where--the current which I dare to call my life.

Teilhard de Chardin, quoted in Inward Stillness by George Maloney

Pam in SC: Home page

I teach at a university--I have to be in the closet about Being Multiple. Yet I have a great impulse to share my journey with others--NO MORE SHAMEFUL SECRETS! This page is my chance to share my process and express my selves (who I usually call insiders). I think the colors and links that are possible on the web provide a way to do that in a way I simply couldn't match with paint and paper or with fabric.

This page started out primarily as self-expression, but as I have shared my experiences with other multiples, I have come to want to organize it more as a source of information for others, not just as an expression of myself.

This page, and its subpages, were written between January 1997 and early summer 1998. As time allows, I will update the information subpages, but I do not expect to make further changes in the pages that express my system (various personalities).

Information:

If you are reading this because you're wondering whether you are multiple, I have some thoughts on those issues at: self-diagnosis.

I have many more details on how I understood myself (as of the spring of 1997) as multiple at: Being Multiple. The focus is on less extreme forms of Dissociative Identity Disorder. I never had clothes in my closet that I didn't recognize and I didn't often loose time, but I did have voices inside who felt like "not me." For another system's reflections on less extreme forms of DID see The Wonderful World of the MidContinuum!

I wrote a collection of reflections on my therapy process, which you can find at: My process. I also have reflections on the nature of multiplicity and on integration/fusion at The Whole and the Sum of the Parts. I also have a page about frogs which is about the process.

You will find resources and my reflections on religious issues (from a mainline Christian perspective) at my page about God.

I have a fairly lengthy list of books with my own reviews at: Books on DID. Also on the intellectual side, I have also written a response to a backlash article in the April 6, 1998 issue of The New Yorker magazine.

I wrote a lengthy description of my experiences with childbirth for someone who was doing research on how nurses can be more sensitive to abuse survivors. You may find this useful if you are pregnant or considering getting pregnant, but be warned that there are a lot of details about what can go wrong.

I have a lengthy page of links, particularly because I am impressed by the number of different sites providing discussion boards. We have created an amazing amount of community! At present, the other main online resources I frequent are Mosaic Minds and Fr. Mahoney's newsgroup (on Christian issues).

to read more about my system, continue here.

back to top

home | pam | pem | female-female abuse | book reviews |