Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited

Excerpts from the Archives
of the
Narcissism List

Part 12 cont.

6. Narcissists and Medication

Narcissists generally are averse to medication. It is an implied admission that something is wrong with them. Narcissists  are control freaks and afraid to lose control. Additionally, many of them believe that medication is the "great equalizer" - it will make them lose their uniqueness, superiority, and so on. That is UNLESS they can convincingly present taking the medication as an "act of heroism", part of a daring enterprise of self exploration, a distinguishing feature of the narcissist and so on. They will often claim that the medicine affects them differently than it does other people, or that they have discovered a new, exciting way of using it, or that they are part of someone's (usually themselves) learning curve ("part of a new approach to dosage" "part of a new cocktail which holds great promise"). Narcissists MUST dramatize their lives to feel worthy and special. Aut nihil aut unique - either be special or don't be at all.

Very much like in the physical world, change is brought about only through the incredible powers of torsion and breakage. Only when our elasticity gives way, only when we are wounded by our own intransigence - only then is there hope.

Most narcissists have simply not suffered enough. When they do - you find them courting therapists, studying their self, taking medicines, and changing. It takes nothing less than a real crisis. Ennui is not enough.

7. NPD Son

An NPD son is no different to an NPD husband. You MUST devise and design survival strategies. Try to split his good sides from his less agreeable ones and avoid the latter to the best of your ability. Involve professional help. Being  protective of him may be to his detriment.

Set your boundaries and stick to them. Be you, don't be fake, or play a part for his sake, or for the sake of domestic peace. Employ a balanced, just and predictable set of rewards and punishments. Educate him. If he becomes too onerous - get rid of him before he get rids of you. I am sorry to be so blunt but it is reality - not a textbook scenario.

8. The Narcissist - a Gift to Humanity

The narcissist is a gift to humanity. His life carries a cosmic significance. His achievements are never less than earth shattering or paradigm shifting. His intelligence is forever penetrating and superior.

People around him are always pathologically deficient or simply refuse. Everything and everyone should succumb to his demands. His special rights are self proclaiming. His very existence is sufficient warrant. He is entitled by his very being. She who wants more from him is either mentally sick or mentally retarded for being unable to grasp all the above.

9. Co-Dependents and Narcissists

Narcissism is a RIGID, systemic pattern of responses. It is so all-pervasive and all-encompassing that it is a PERSONALITY disorder. If the non-narcissist in the couple is co-dependent, for instance, then the narcissist is a perfect match for her and the union will last till death them do part. Such co-dependents SEEK out narcissists and feels fulfilled ONLY in the presence of narcissists.

10. Forms of Aggression

Cynical humour, brutal honesty, scathing remarks, boredom, detachment, rage, pathological envy, suicidal ideation, self-berating and self-effacement - are all forms of aggression transformed and directed inwardly or outwardly. A narcissist ignored is a narcissist whose very existence is cast in doubt. He feels threatened. He reacts with fear and its attaching drive, aggression (a "fight or flight" response).

11. Narcissist the Sadist

There are many ways of being sadistic. A resounding silence is one of them. Often the voice of the narcissist is so well embedded in his victims that he no longer needs to say anything. His voice is internalized (very much as the voices of our parents and other meaningful caregivers and adults are supposedly internalized in our superego during our formative years).

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