Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited

Excerpts from the Archives
of the
Narcissism List

Part 1 cont.

6. Rescue Fantasies

"It is true that he is a chauvinistic narcissist with repulsive behaviors. But all he needs is a little love and he will be straightened out. I will rescue him from his misery and misfortune. I will give him the love that he lacked as a kid. Then his narcissism will vanish and we will live happily ever after".

7. Loving a Narcissist

I believe in the possibility of loving narcissists if one accepts them unconditionally, in a disillusioned and expectation-free manner. Narcissists are narcissists. This is what they are. Take them or leave them. Some of them are lovable. Most of them are highly charming and intelligent. The source of the misery of the victims of the narcissist is their disappointment, their disillusionment, their abrupt and tearing and tearful realization that they fell in love with an ideal of their own invention, a phantasm, an illusion, a fata morgana. This "waking up" is traumatic. The narcissist is forever the same. It is the victim who changes.

It is true that narcissists present a facade in order to generate sources of narcissistic supply. But this facade is easy to penetrate because it is inconsistent. The cracks are evident from day one but often ignored. And what about all those who KNOWINGLY and WILLINGLY commit their wings to the burning narcissistic candle?

I, personally, always inform and warn other people that I am a Narcissist. Yet it never seemed to have dissuaded even one fervent lady from pursuing me (or, rather, my False Self). It did not deter one businessman from doing business with me. Frankly, it did not deter you from joining my list. Why is this? Because, having been forewarned, perhaps you stand to benefit without suffering. And, most probably, you do. But perhaps it is the irresistible attraction we all have to the "other", the "different" and, as a result, the "risky".

8. Hitler and Narcissism

I recommend Alan Bullock's book "Hitler and Stalin - Parallel Lives" (both deemed narcissists by Bullock and Hitler was judged to be NPD by Fromm).

Another FASCINATING study, secretly commissioned during the war years depicts Hitler as a severe case of NPD - when NPD was not even recognized as such: http://www1.ca.nizkor.org/hweb/people/h/hitler-adolf/oss-papers/text/profile-index.html

9. Cultural Sensitivity of Therapists

Today, therapists are trained to be culturally-sensitive. A person needs help if he does not feel well AFTER ADJUSTING for his cultural and societal idiosyncracies. In many subcultures, a person would feel very bad if unable to marry many women. If the client is a fundamentalist Moslem, then he should be treated (because he does feel bad) in order to ENABLE him to marry many women in accordance with his religious practice.

Therapists/psychologists are taught today to be culturally sensitive. They are taught to confront culture, race and gender issues as early as the first session with a patient to avoid future tensions or misunderstandings.

10. NPD, Culture and Normalcy

Assumptions of normalcy should always be qualified. "Normal WITHIN a given culture/society". If the "disorder" is congruent with the client's culture and society - then he is well-adapted. But, for example, if an aboriginal woman chooses to live in the West, then according to Western cultural and societal norms she might indeed be a dangerous deviant. Dissidents and conscientious intellectuals in authoritarian regimes were often treated by psychiatrists because they were abnormal - and THEY WERE! Within their cultural and societal contexts - they acted abnormally and needed treatment because they endangered their lives and the lives of others.

An abnormal (person) does not conform to cultural and societal values prevailing in his or her actual context.

The issues of morality and deviance should not be confused, though. In certain societies and cultures a person is normal ONLY if he is immoral. In others, being moral is abnormal. Risking one's life to oppose Hitler was an abnormal behavior. But it was, is, and always will be moral (assuming morality includes a hard nucleus of "core values" like "thou shalt not kill").

11. Psychodynamic versus Cognitive-Behavioral Treatments

This is the seemingly eternal debate between the cognitive-behavioral theories of therapy and the psychodynamic ones.

To grossly oversimplify:

The CBTs (cognitive behavioral therapies) are based on the belief that insight - even a merely verbal and intellectual one - is sufficient to induce an emotional outcome. If properly manipulated, verbal cues, insights, analyses of standard sentences we keep saying to ourselves ("I am ugly", "I am afraid no one would like me"), and repeated behavioral patterns (learned behaviors) coupled with positive (and, rarely, negative) reinforcements - are sufficient to induce a cumulative emotional effect tantamount to healing.

Psychodynamic theories do not believe that cognition can influence emotion. They believe that much deeper strata have to be accessed and studied by both patient and therapist. The very exposure of these strata is considered sufficient to induce a dynamic of healing. The therapist's role is either to interpret the material revealed to the patient (psychoanalysis) by allowing the patient to transfer past experience and superimpose it on the therapist - or to actively engage in providing a safe emotional environment conducive to changes in the patient.

I think the latter approach is the right one. Consider me: there are few narcissists who achieved the level of cognitive insight I have. I know myself and my mental defenses reasonably well. Did it induce any substantial change in me? I don't think so. Unfortunately, my case is a hybrid, because I also sustained a series of severe narcissistic (=emotional) injuries simultaneously with the cognitive insights. Rather, the latter were induced by the former.

The sad fact is that no known therapy is effective with narcissism ITSELF - though a few therapies are reasonably successful with coping with its effects.

12. Bill Clinton - a Narcissist?

I think the question is WHY is he behaving the way he does. Is he doing it compulsively, in an uncontrolled manner? Is he looking to be punished, get caught, avoid getting caught?

Is he constantly bored, feels empty and is looking to illicit sex for constant thrills?

Is he contemptuous of others?

Does he lie pathologically (cannot help it) or expediently (in a  premeditated manner)?

Is he oblivious to the pain that he inflicts on others - or simply does not care?

Has any of you interviewed him lately to come up with unequivocal answers to all these VERY CRITICAL questions? Has any psychiatrist/psychologist/therapist interviewed him and tested his personality him? I don't believe so.

So, in the absence of HARD facts - how can we diagnose him?

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