Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited

Excerpts from the Archives
of the
Narcissism List

Part 6

1. Narcissists and Ego Dystony

Recent, very surprising, research, shows that narcissists sometimes are ego dystonic. Mostly they don't care about it, they consider it part of their uniqueness. But many narcissists do develop permanent "ego-dystony" (in humanspeak: they constantly feel bad about themselves and their behavior). But the narcissist feels that people are simply not worth the effort. The narcissist's time is of cosmic significance and should not be wasted on such trivia. Also, his narcissism is part of what makes him unique and he will not give it up easily. The narcissist brags of his insensitivity, lack of empathy, lack of emotions, "resilience", "character strength". He deplores "whining" and over-emoting ("histrionics"). This is part of his self definition.

2. VoNPD (Victims of NPD)

Victims of NPD experience shame and anger for their past helplessness and submissiveness.

They are hurt and sensitized by the harrowing experience of sharing a simulated existence with a simulated person, the narcissist.

They are scarred.

Some of them lash at others, offsetting their frustration with aggression (a classic mechanism).

Like his disorder, the narcissist is all-pervasive. Being the victim of a narcissist is a condition no less pernicious than being a narcissist. Great efforts are required to leave a narcissist and physical separation is only the first step. One can abandon a narcissist -but the narcissist is slow to abandon its victims. It is there, lurking, rendering existence unreal, twisting and distorting with no respite, an inner, remorseless voice, lacking in compassion and empathy for its victim. And the narcissist is there spiritually long after it has vanished physically.

This is the real danger that the victims of the narcissist face: that they will become like him, bitter, self-centered, lacking in empathy. This is the last bow of the narcissist, his curtain call, by proxy, as it were.

Stay away from the narcissist inside you - it is far more dangerous than the ones from without.

3. Surrounded by Inferiors

The narcissist does tend to surround himself and interact with his inferiors. This is the safest and fastest way to sustaining his grandiose fantasies of superiority, omnipotence and omniscience, brilliance, ideal traits, perfection and so on.

Humans are interchangeable and the narcissist anyhow does not distinguish one individual from another. To him they are all inanimate parts of "his audience" whose job is to reflect his false self. This generates a perpetual and permanent cognitive dissonance:

The narcissist despises the very people who sustain his ego boundaries and functions. He cannot respect people so expressly and clearly inferior to him - yet he can never associate with people evidently on his level or superior to him, the risk to his self esteem being too high. Equipped with a fragile ego, precariously teetering on the brink of narcissistic injury - the narcissist prefers the safe route of associating with his inferiors. But he feels contempt to himself and to others for having preferred it.

4. Narcissists Hurting Others

Some NPDs are ALSO antisocial PDs (AsPDs) and / or sadists and so enjoy hurting others (mostly during sex but also without it).

Antisocials (psychopaths) don't really ENJOY hurting others - they simply don't care one way or the other. But sadists do enjoy it.

"Pure" NPDs do not enjoy hurting others - but they do enjoy the sensation of omnipotence, unlimited power, and the validation of their grandiose fantasies when they hurt others or are in the position to do so. It is more the POTENTIAL to hurt others than the actual act that turns them on.

5. Narcissists and Art

A narcissist would find it difficult to enjoy the emotional content, message and context of a work of art. This is because narcissists lack empathy. They are unable to put themselves in other people's "shoes". They are like islands with all lines of communications cut, with giant mirrors in which the islanders are reflected.

BUT

The narcissist will very likely appreciate a work of art in terms of its influence, technical mastery, monetary value, rarity, and other external aspects.

A narcissist will NOT accept criticism good-humoredly. A narcissistic artist will expect only praise and if criticised, he will belittle and devalue the critics, feel misunderstood, a giant in a land of Lilliputians, wronged and abused. He will react violently and aggressively and maybe stop creating altogether.

Producing a work of art IS working to the benefit of mankind. Does a narcissistic artist INTEND to benefit mankind with his work? To this the answer is an unequivocal NO. The narcissist is interested ONLY in ONE thing: narcissistic supply. If he can obtain it by creating art - he will. It's simply another way of obtaining his drug. In most cases, he is not even emotionally involved in what he does.

6. Narcissists are Misogynists

Narcissists are misogynists. To them women as mere sources of SNS (secondary narcissistic supply). The feminine chores are to accumulate past NS and release it in an orderly manner, so as to regulate the fluctuating flow of primary supply. Otherwise, cerebral narcissists are not interested in women. Most of them (myself included) are a-sexual (engage in sexual acts very rarely, if at all). They hold women in contempt and abhor the thought of being really intimate with them. Usually, they choose submissive women, well below their level, to perform these functions. This leads to a vicious cycle of neediness, self contempt (how come I need this inferior woman), and abuse directed at the woman. When primary NS is available - the woman is hardly tolerated, as one would reluctantly pay the premium of an insurance policy in good times.

Now, this would hardly constitute an attraction to a "sexy, smart and powerful woman" would it? 

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