Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited

THE WORKINGS OF A NARCISSIST
A PHENOMENOLOGY

Chapter 3

page 2

Abuse has many forms. Expropriating someone's childhood in favour of adult pursuits is one of the subtlest varieties of soul murder. The narcissist was never was a child. He may have been a Wunderkind, the answer to his mother's prayers and her frustrations. A human computing machine, a walking-talking encyclopaedia, a curiosity, a circus freak – he may have been observed by developmental psychologists, interviewed by the media, endured the envy of his peers and their pushy mothers. The narcissist constantly clashes with figures of authority because he feels entitled to special treatment, immune to prosecution and superior.

The narcissist refuses to grow up. In his mind, his tender age was an integral part of the precocious miracle that he became. One looks much less phenomenal and one's exploits and achievements are much less awe-inspiring at the age of 40, he thinks. Better stay young forever and thus secure my Narcissistic Supply.

So, the narcissist wouldn't grow up. He never takes out a driver's licence. He does not have children. He rarely has sex. He never settle-down in one place. He rejects intimacy. In short: He refrains from adulthood and adult chores. He has no adult skills. He assumes no adult responsibilities. He expects indulgence from others. He is petulant and haughtily spoiled. He is capricious, infantile and emotionally labile and immature. In short: the narcissist is often a 40 years-old brat.

Narcissists suffer from repetition complexes. Like certain mythological figures, they are doomed to repeat their mistakes and failures and the wrong behaviours which yielded them.

They refrain from planning and conceive of the world as a menacing, unpredictable, failure-prone place, at best a nuisance.

All the above culminates in acts of explicit self-destruction. Narcissists engage in conscious – and unconscious – acts of violence and aggression aimed at abolishing their selves as well as at restricting their choices and their potentials.

Some of them act criminally, sometimes compulsively so. Their criminality must satisfy two conditions:

1. It must be Ego enhancing. The act(s) must be – or must be perceived as – sophisticated, entailing the use of special properties or skills, incredible, memorable, unique. The narcissist is very likely to engage in "white collar crime". He is likely to harness his personal charm and his natural intelligence to the "job".
   He is involved in cerebral crimes, dealing with symbols and their manipulation – if he is intellectually inclined. Otherwise, his crimes involve fraud on a personal – and more physical – scale. He would cheat widowers off their inheritance, or bigamise.

2. The criminal act must include a mutinous and contumacious element. The narcissist, after all, is mostly recreating the relationship that he had with his parents. He rejects authority the way an adolescent would. He regards any kind of intrusion on his privacy and his autonomy – however justified and called for – as a direct and total threat to his psychic integrity. He tends to interpret the most mundane and innocuous gestures, sentences, exclamations, or offers – as such threats. The narcissist is paranoiac when it comes to a breach of his exalted solitude. He reacts with tremendous (and, naturally, disproportionate) amounts of aggression and is thought of by his environment to be very strange and eccentric.
   An offer of help is immediately interpreted to imply that the narcissist is not omnipotent and omniscient. The narcissist reacts with rage to such impudence and rarely asks for help, unless he finds himself in a critical condition. A narcissist can roam the streets for hours and look for an address before conceding his inferiority by asking a passer-by for assistance. He will suffer physical pain, hunger and fear, rather than allaying these unpleasant conditions through the mediation of another. The mere ability to help is considered proof of superiority and the mere need of help – a despicable state of inferiority and weakness.

This is precisely why narcissists appear, at times, to be outstanding altruists. They enjoy the sense of power, which goes with giving. They feel supreme when needed. They encourage dependence of any kind. They know – sometimes, intuitively – that help is the most addictive drug there is and that relying on someone dependable fast becomes an indispensable habit. They disguise their thirst for admiration, accolades and their propensity to play God. They pretend that they are interested only in the well-being of the happy recipients of their unconditional giving. But this kind of representation is patently untrue and misleading.

No other kind of giving comes with more strings attached. The narcissist gives only if and when he can receive.

If not applauded or adulated, he loses motivation, or cheats himself into believing that he is revered. Mostly, the narcissist prefers to be feared or admired – rather than loved. He would describe himself as a "strong, no nonsense" man, who is able to successfully weather extraordinary losses and defeats and to recuperate. He expects other people to respect this image that he projects.

Thus, the beneficiaries are objects, silent witnesses to the narcissist’s grandeur, grandiosity and magnanimity, the audience in his one-man show. He is inhuman in that he needs no one and nothing – and he is superhuman in that he showers and shares the cornucopia of his benefits abundantly and unconditionally. Even the nature of his giving reflects his sickness.

A narcissist is more likely to donate what he considers to be the greatest gift of all – himself. Where other altruists contribute money – he avails of his time and of his knowledge. He needs to be in personal (=Ego) touch with those aided by him, so that he is immediately rewarded (narcissistically) for his efforts. When he lectures free of charge, for instance, he is at his best. He is often cherished as a pillar of civic behaviour and a contributor to community life. Thus, he is able to act, win applause, project his image and reabsorb its reflection – and all with full legitimacy.

The narcissist is a pathological liar – and a lie, at the same time.

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