Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited

GRANDIOSE LOSS OF CONTROL

Chapter 9

page 2

The repertoire of possible roles adopted by FEGO is enormous. The more characteristic are:

• Crook, dangerous, unpredictable, verbally violent, deterring;

• Businessman, rich, well connected, powerful;

• Genius, innovator, encyclopaedic;

• Revolutionary, reformer, non-conformist, rebellious;

• Non-sexual, monkish, pervert;

• Author, intellectual, bohemian, artist;

• Family man, father, sage, an island of wisdom, experience, stability and a source of authority;

• Charming, childish, honest, open, innocent, vulnerable, requires assistance and support.

We can see that narcissists deceive their environment in more than one way. Even when they express emotions it is because they have discovered the efficacy of this tactic in obtaining Narcissistic Supply. The emotions used and expressed are part of a role played – as are the narcissist's creativity and social interactions. All is mobilised and subjected to the overriding goal of obtaining PNSS and SNSS. The narcissist says all the right things but in such a manner that they sound hollow. Thus, when the narcissist says: "I love you" he really means: "I depend on you for the stabilisation of my Narcissistic Supply and for the accumulation of supply."

People feel that something is amiss but they can't put their finger on it. So they keep their distance from the narcissist, or abandon him altogether thus reinforcing and, unwittingly, participating in the Narcissistic Cycle. The FEGO's role is to successfully limit the interaction to the plane of Narcissistic Supply and to secure the denouement: the abandonment of the narcissist. It also helps contain the resulting emotional, or narcissistic damage. The narcissist can always pretend that it is all a game.

The abandonment leads the narcissist down a straight path to Loss Dysphoria and from there to the Reactive Repertoire. The latter contains two categories of behaviour patterns:

The first is characterised by a denial of reality, reclusive behaviour, dis-intimisation, by aberrant sexual practices, and by the avoidance of intimacy.

The behaviours in this category are adopted following the emergence of a Grandiosity Gap and continuous friction with reality. This friction shatters the illusion of virtual normalcy. The loss of some of the grandiose fantasies and the real losses due to the narcissist's detachment from real life lead to a Loss Dysphoria and to the Reactive Repertoire.

The behaviours in this group are typical of states of uncertainty and of transition between PNSs.

The second category of behaviours is comprised of escape, change (of place, job, or vocation), displacement of grandiose fantasies and the development of an alternative PNS. The latter is intended to bridge the problematic Grandiosity Gap and to match reality and fantasy.

This does not prevent the emergence of a Deficiency Dysphoria and an impulse to secure PNSS in the alternative PNS. If the development of an alternative PNS is not possible, the narcissistic exhibits symptoms of a Deficiency Dysphoria – but only after a while. The reason for the delay: the narcissist has an "alibi" for the absence of Narcissistic Supply – he lost one PNS and has not, yet, developed another.

Failing to obtain SNSS leads to an inability to complete the Narcissistic Cycle and to a Loop of Grandiosity Compensation. The functions of the SNSS are performed through intricate feedback loops that monitor and regulate the stabilisation mechanisms. The absence or malfunctioning of these feedback mechanisms leads the narcissist down the dangerous path of excessive grandiosity compensation to subsequent and resultant losses and to a Loss Dysphoria. In a way the Grandiosity Gap and the grandiosity compensation loop regulate each other. A yawning Grandiosity Gap activates the grandiosity compensation loop and the SNSS feedback loop, which measures the amount of grandiosity compensation and halts it when the Grandiosity Gap has been reduced to a tolerable size. The SNSS, therefore, monitor the state of the Grandiosity Gap. They halt the operation of the grandiosity compensation loop once the appropriate size of Grandiosity Gap is achieved. They also activate the Reactive Repertoire when necessary (after a loss), once the Grandiosity Gap is wide, or when grandiosity compensation is low.

Thus, in he absence of SNSS, the grandiosity compensation is incessantly activated even when there is no Grandiosity Gap. This leads to a loss of control of grandiosity and to subsequent real life losses.

The narcissist faces losses in any case:

1. When there are no SNSS, there is no stabilising feedback loop, there is excessive grandiosity compensation, a loss of control of grandiosity and real life losses.

2. When SNSS are available the Wunderkind mask is activated replete with all the EIPM and this is tantamount to the initiation of losses.

The grandiosity compensation comes after the Reactive Repertoire has been used. The absence of SNSS leads to the excess use of the Reactive Repertoire (denial of reality, dis-intimisation, escapism, changes of residences or jobs, fantasies and the development of alternative PNS) as well as the excessive use of the compensatory mechanisms.

But the excess use of grandiosity compensation interferes with the efficacy of obtaining PNSS in two ways:

1. The "stimulus threshold" of the PNSS rises. What was once recognised by the narcissist as PNSS is no longer so. This is akin to the desensitisation and escalation known to us in drug abuse. The narcissist requires ever stronger, ever more numerous stimuli to obtain the same "PNSS effect".

2. The obtaining of PNSS is frustrated by the reaction of the environment. Excessive sexuality drives potential sexual partners away and overspending dwindles the financial resources of the narcissist and cuts him off credit institutions. The Reactive Repertoire also frustrates the obtaining of certain PNSS (sex, publicity). These PNSS are rendered dysfunctional and their availability decreases.

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