SO...
THE WORLD WILL BE BETTER OFF?
WRONG!

(The quotes on these pages are taken from Letters written by Allyson, the full letters may be viewed by following the link at the bottom of the page.)

2/24/99 Can you imagine this? Shelia has touched me so deeply that now I cannot fathom a life without a multiple. It's so crazy to me that y'all DID's think we don't want to be with you. Is it difficult? Hell, yes. Is life difficult? 'Tis. You know, if Shelia had cancer, that would also be difficult. Or how about a brain tumor? Heart transplant? Lupus? MS? You name it. Just because your loved one has it, doesn't mean that you leave them. What do you say? "Sorry. I don't do cancer, or MS, or DID."

Consider this too, Joe, when you think about your decision whether or not to leave. Everyone has something, don't they?

2/24/99 cont. I miss her more than I can say. I know that this pain will not go quickly, but will linger like the perfume in her hair, when she would bend over to gently kiss me before she left for work on my days off.

I know that the core person of Shelia did not want to go; and that she is very sorry for leaving me in this Hell. She did not want to die. She was looking forward to New York; the summer with me here; the basketball game that weekend, and the play the next Saturday. She loved our vacation in Thailand, as did the kids. She cooked me Thai dinners and fed me eggs benedict. No, she wanted to stay. That is the thing that sticks. SHE wanted to stay.

Her pain, though, some angry alter, or a wee one in darkness, came to carry off this act because she was too weak to stop it. She just slipped away, from my arms to God's arms. My pain is that now, God rocks her to sleep, not I.

2/25/99 We know and touch more people than we realize. We need to see that we make an impact on everyone we come into contact with. We mustn't forget that we are all One.

2/25/99 cont. I see that those who have survived trauma may be better able to handle it in the future, as our DID partners show us. Just as revealing to me is that our DID partners may need to know that we may not be as able to handle this kind of trauma.

2/26/99 I have thought about walking across the whole damn country with a big sign on my back saying something like, "I am a survivor of suicide. Don't make your loved ones walk this walk."

2/28/99 Today, I'm really really missing my loved one. She should be here spending her free time with me..."our Sundays". Never will I save a Sunday for anyone. Like a reserved parking place for the handicapped. Why must I continue to cry every day? Because if I don't, my heart will absolutely explode.

I can only do things for so long. My life is measured by so longs--can only read for so long, sit for so long, write for so long, eat for so long, think for so long, sleep for so long. But the biggest so long is for Shelia. So long, Shelia.

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understanding & helping a suicidal person

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