Bipolar Treatment: What Happens When Your Doctor Gives Up?

I just came back from the doctors office and he seemed very annoyed. He said "what do you want me to do?" We tried many meds since i was 14 now I'm 23. I understand hes not a psychiatrist but it hurts soo much. I even had psychiatrists seem hopeless with me. Its very disheartening. I'm glad I'm not alone in this though. I'm going to see a psychiatrist soon and I know it's going to be the same thing. I'm soo hopeless.

I had a horrible experience at the psychiatrist's office today. I found this old yet relevant post, which, like most of Natasha's posts, made me feel a bit better.
One of my pills tasted so terrible, was odd shaped and hard to swallow, and seemed to have no positive effects so I gradually starting weaning myself off of it. A couple weeks later I told my doctor who said that was fine. I told him I had been medicated for most of my life and since I'm in a better position environmentally that I would like to try going off some of the others. He advised me how to taper off of them and said if I needed anything to call him.
Not too long after the appointment I had serious withdrawal symptoms. I was awake for days and felt like my skin was crawling. I called his office and he just said to deal with it. My boyfriend was pretty upset with his response so he wrote him a letter.
At today's appointment I expected things to get cleared up. Unfortunately, my doctor said that he didn't want to see me again. I was shocked and confused. He said I was non-compliant (I only ever made the one change in the 7 months I saw him) and that he bet I had problems with all my doctors because I liked drama. I told him he had me all wrong... my past docs always said they were sad to see me go when I moved and I'm not the type to create drama. He said he didn't believe me. I said, "I don't know if anyone else takes my insurance; can't we work this out?" His response was wishing me good luck finding another doctor.
I know this is long, but I have never walked out a doctor's office crying as hard as I did today. I feel completely misjudged, rejected, and confused. If the people who are supposed to feel compassion and help us turn us away... then what?

Hi Lori,
It's great that writing it out makes you feel better, I can relate.
I do understand long-term lack of happiness, hopelessness, demotivation and lack of joy.
ECT is brutal. Save that one until you're absolutely desperate, in my opinion. Did you look at this article?
http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/breakingbipolar/2010/07/5-depression-bipolar-treatments…
Maybe there's something in there that might help.
Good luck.
- Natasha

Hi, my head nurse, along with consultation with our medical director and other psychiatrists (I work as a psychiatric nurse) found me the best help they could find - the doctors all raved about him, loved working under him, he's almost famous, has written books, been on several medical boards.
He's a great doctor, but even he can't help me. Although I'm not suicidal anymore, I remain in a constant state of dysthymia and none of the drugs no longer work. I also live in a very toxic home environment with a very mentally ill 13 year old son. My son has been recommended to the highest experts, and he is so complex and so challenging that even they are stumped. What a pair we make.
Although I feel I still need regular monitoring due to the fact that I'm not well and on medication, I'm tired of going to my doctor to say the same old, same old. No, I'm no longer suicidal, I'm off medical leave and working again, but still depressed, and this is as good as it gets. There are no more options for my doctor, except I would like to have ECT which he refuses to do because he feels my depression is environmental. And he's right.
So this is the end of my road - no, I can still function, but no longer feel joy or optimism, am unmotivated, hopeless. I don't need to go to the doctor to keep repeating that. If I again became suicidal I would medicate the heck out of myself until the extreme emotion passed - I would not take myself to hospital unless I really felt I couldn't control any impulses - I've never been to that state yet.
And I keep trying to remind myself that things change in the space of a few hours, moods improve, (distraction from my thoughts help), nothing is ever what it seems, and it's the depression creating lies influencing my perception. They are all thoughts, they are not truths and they are not facts, just extreme emotions, thoughts and feelings assaulted on me by this evil force we call depression.
If we could only take these emotions which are killing us and bury them in the garbage where they belong, and instead have emotions of joy, peace, happiness, optimism and contentment.
These depressing thoughts are all lies.
I feel better already.

Hi Donda,
Sounds like that woman wasn't really "firing" you as much as she was firing herself from everyone. But insane, yes.
- Natasha

I had that happen to me. This lady was recommended by a former co-worker. I was in such a bad state and desperate to get well that I brushed off the fact that I thought she was strung out on something. She "fired me" and left the practice in a rush. The receptionist kept blowing me off when I was trying to get my medical records. Nobody knew where she went and it took them forever to produce my records. It was insane. I am treatment resistant too.

Bipolar Treatment: What Happens When Your Doctor Gives Up ......
I found your entry interesting do I've added a Trackback to it on my weblog :)...

Hi Herb,
I believe there are many reasons to dismiss a psychiatrist, and the one you've mentioned sounds like a good one to me. Sometimes one answer can tell you all you need to know about a person. A friend of mine once dated a guy who refused not to drink and drive. I told her, if he does that, then he's not responsible, he doesn't care about others, and he's not good enough for her. One thing told me all I needed to know.
As for experimentation, yes, I do it all the time. Unfortunately, many of us are left with only that option. I would suggest against it, if possible, but reasonably, most bipolars are going to end up doing it at one time or another. And I do think it's reasonable to be fearful, but I think it's also reasonable to understand its necessity. Ah, for a perfect world where such things didn't happen...
- Natasha

Hi Natasha,
Wonderful topic you’ve addressed only it’s one of a rare few that I probably cannot relate to.
Through the decades we’ve dismissed a number of my spouse’s physicians simply because they were static in their thinking and unsuccessful in treatment and unwilling to consider thinking outside the box or as I refer to them as there are doctors, good doctors and better doctors. Then there is also the fact that when they hang their shingles out to practice it doesn’t state whether they graduated first or last in their class.
Your topic did remind me though of the shortest consultation my spouse and I had with a psychiatrist or any physician for that matter. Joyce was in need of a local psychiatrist to attend to her VNS which at the time was not yet approved by the FDA. A friend recommended her psychiatrist. After 45 minutes of filling out his questionnaires we finally sat down in his office. Before he had the opportunity to speak I asked him if he was familiar with VNS Therapy for Depression and/or the manufacturer. He stated he was vaguely familiar. I told him I would get him trained and equipped with the necessary instrumentation if he would attend to Joyce.
His reply was he was too busy to learn something new. I immediately requested Joyce to please get up and we left his office. Our consultation was less than 3 minutes. Once in the car I told Joyce in a million years I’d never recommend any patient to him or anyone like him. To not want to be up-to-date on any current and/or forthcoming therapies is to my mind negligence and the fact that he was a psychiatrist and lacked the intelligence to at least state at that moment he was swamped but would investigate later on is indicative of the fact that these are only people with their own frailties and without my even discussing those physicians we’ve encountered who thought they were deities and whom we also dismissed quickly. Since I prefer to be positive in my thoughts and sharing I will give that particular physician credit for at least being honest and forthright.
I found your remark about retrying Lamictal (Lamotrigine) and/or previously tried medications both interesting and informative and that which represents another treatment option to consider. I would also add rethinking the use of medications in terms of experimenting and adjusting times of day in conjunction with titrating slowly the use of older or newer medications.
The only other thought at the moment which I’d like to add and one which has worked reasonably well for us is not to be fearful of experimentation providing one has a cooperative, knowledgeable and attentive psychiatrist which obviously is 180 degrees opposite this very topic and where we have been fortunate.
Warmly,
Herb
VNSdepression.com

Hi dracorogue,
There's absolutely no reason any psych should treat anyone that way. Thank goodness you found someone better.
Yeah, I got the Depatoke rash too. Here's a bit of advice from the dermatologist who saw me when I got that rash: just because you got the rash once, doesn't mean you'll get it if you try the med again. (I was very surprised to hear that) You can try a VERY slow taper onto the drug and see what happens.
I only mention this because if it was a wonder drug for you, it might be worth a second try. Something to discuss with your doctor, of course.
Oh, and as for your wife, three cheers for her. :)
- Natasha

Hi
I haven't had a doctor give up on me per se, but I did have one from 86-88 who emotionaly abused me. I was a teen at a state ran psych center for kids. She would constantly berate me, call me a liar, and even once told me my girlfriends miscarriage was my fault. They diagnosed me as major depression and after I got out of the hospitals I was on my own. I did well for 10 years, but I never believed the diagnosis. In 99 I found a great psych thanks to my wife, and she got me on paxil. Still thinking of depression, the meds worked well for 6 months, then they sent me into a manic (technically hypo) yanked me off the paxil (before they acknowledged withdrawl effects) got sick for a few days and she got me on depakote. Depokote was a miracle drug for me, best i ever felt. after a month though I developed a rash, the black box warning rash. thus endeth depakote ( I can't take lamictal for the same reason). I've been on a roller coaster of meds and moods ever since. But I've been lucky to have some good psychs since that one evil one which I still have some ptsd from. Sorry this is so long, some of this needed to come out.
PS Love the blogs, I seriously identify with them. I wish you the best.
Scott
PSS My wonderful wife Cat said if I got a Bad psych she'd beat them up :)