I Hate Anxiety! The Physiology of Stress

The stress of an anxiety disorder can twist the fabric of life; I can't see it the same way as I did before my "nervous condition" set in. This isn't stage-fright, or make believe. It's not masterpiece theatre. I did not get PTSD from watching too many Twilight Zone episodes.

But I am living my life just in case

That's what I realized: I've been living on stress. I happen to function reasonably well this way, because it's like air to me. I've been living on it too long: the basic mind-state that goes with anxiety and post traumatic stress.

Anxiety and PTSD: Jackboots in the Night

Anxiety disorders involve the kind of stress that doesn't care about deadlines, or next month's rent; The kind that means I barricade the door when I sleep, just in case.

Frustratingly, almost incomprehensibly irrational, it's the kind of stress you can't fight because fighting makes it worse, bigger, better at its job. Which is protecting me, whilst simultaneously driving me crazy. Only, I'm not crazy. I'm afraid for real reasons but that really isn't the point.

Nothing about an anxiety disorder is average

One mistake people often make, even people with an anxiety disorder, is to regard the level of anxiety they're dealing with as comparable to other things in life. Anxiety disorders don't conform to scales of reference, nor do they come with a map.

An anxiety disorder isn't just cumulative stress, it's compounded stress. And it's about as much like daily life as taking the train is to surviving a crash.

It's almost impossible to beat the physiology of anxiety

Anxiety disorders stem from a hypersensitization of the reptilian brain. Beyond conscious awareness, the amygdala and hippocampus take charge: fight, flight, or freeze. It's ancient, primal fear catapulted into consciousness, lobbing missiles at my frontal lobes until they retreat.

The fear centres of my mind run the show.

It can be a relief to know that - that part of the reason I feel trapped by my anxiety disorder is because that sensation is accurate; I probably have a better chance of winning the lottery than I do of beating the pure physiology of post traumatic stress.

Deep within my brain, within the signals that fire between neurons, within the structures of every cell, there is a beast. In ages past they'd have said I was possessed by a demon and burned me at the stake. Then again I tend to ramble so they probably would have done that anyway.

Anxiety isn't just stress

It's mother nature's greatest gift: the survival instinct. But as with any other force of nature, it can be dangerous, unchecked.

The level of stress most people live with is relatively convenient - generally amenable to goals, ambitions and desires. It will bend to will, with sufficient will; The stress of an anxiety disorder couldn't give a toss how much will I have. It has a big red override button and I've ceased to question its willingness to use that at the slightest provocation.