Relationships, Is Love Painful: HealthyPlace.com Relationships Community

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“The pain associated with this relationship has more to do with my fears then my love.”

Is Love Painful?

Who hasn't experienced the pain of love? Or is it the pain of love or the pain of rejection? This is where we start getting into all the “add-ons” of love. The love baggage, we might call it. For some reason, many people assume negative emotions are a PART or element of love. Love is not painful. It feels great! The pain and hurt we feel doesn’t come from love, it comes from our doubts, fears, anxiety, perceived rejections, broken trusts, anger, jealousy, and envy. So why do we as a culture lump all those other feelings in with love?

Perhaps its because we feel these “uncomfortable” emotions most often in association with our love relationships. Our primary relationships are important to us, so we assume these doubts are a part of the loving experience. But is this really true? When we are fearful, angry, anxious, unhappy, or jealous, are we truly being loving to our partners? Are those feelings the same as when we feel love?

Many times we turn our love relationships from a “want” into a “need”, particularly if we aren’t giving ourselves the acceptance we crave. When we aren’t feeling good about who we are, we become dependent on our partner to help us “feel good” about ourselves. The threat of them leaving the relationship causes panic and anxiety, because we fear losing something we perceive to “need” in order to live.

This isn’t about love, this is internal insecurities about how life would be without them. If we felt empty before they appeared in our lives, we fear the emptiness returning if they leave, so their staying with us becomes paramount. But this isn’t love. Love feels good and secure.

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