The Art of Masking Borderline PD: Practical Coping Skills

Masking borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a high-wire act, teetering between societal acceptance and personal exhaustion. It's an everyday performance where I suppress traits that might draw judgment, becoming a chameleon to blend into what's deemed acceptable. Borderline personality disorder masking is draining, leaving me feeling like I've been hit by a truck by the time I get home. The car ride home is a solitary purge of pent-up frustration and angst.

Masking BPD involves hiding the symptoms of borderline, such as emotional volatility and impulsive behavior due to perceived rejection or abandonment, to fit into social norms. It's an adaptive strategy to avoid rejection and criticism, but it comes at a cost. The constant effort to monitor and modify my behavior is tiring. It's like wearing a heavy mask that you can't take off until you're safely alone. The act of masking BPD includes monitoring the people around me, changing my opinions and beliefs, and suppressing self-soothing behaviors like stimming (more below). When I'm around others, I often find myself agreeing with their viewpoints, even if I don't truly believe them, just to avoid conflict and fit in.

Masking Borderline Can Involve Suppressing Stimming Behaviors

As I said, masking of borderline can involve the suppression of stimming behaviors.

Stimming, short for self-stimulatory behavior, is a way I self-soothe and manage anxiety. For me, stimming can involve actions like picking at my skin or scalp in stressful situations. These behaviors help calm me down but are not always socially acceptable. In the past, I've had to learn to suppress these behaviors in public to avoid ridicule. Instead, I've found alternative sensory experiences that help me relax. At home, I might run a hot bath or change my sheets so they feel nice against my skin. These sensory experiences provide the comfort and calm I need when I'm overwhelmed emotionally due to heavily masking BPD symptoms. But it's hard when I'm out in public. The muscle tension from hours of suppressing these behaviors is palpable, and the discomfort is worth shedding light on.

The danger of masking BPD for too long is that when I'm finally alone with people I'm comfortable with, I tend to release my frustrations on them. Sometimes, I direct these frustrations inward, leading to harmful behaviors like skin-picking and negative self-talk. It's crucial for me to understand when I need to stop masking BPD in public and respect my limits. Leaving the party early or calling out sick at work isn't the cardinal sin it used to be. I've learned that prioritizing my mental health is essential if I want to maintain a sense of wellbeing.

Balancing Masking BPD and Authenticity

I'm still fumbling through the coping strategies for masking BPD. It's an endless learning curve, figuring out when it's safe to drop the mask. I've found a couple of safe people to be real with. They're the ones who have been raw with me, who get my specific triggers, or who are just good with words and validation. With these friends, I can let my guard down and admit the triggers I want to dodge, and they can navigate the relationship by actually communicating with me (and vice versa).

Another strategy, besides reminding myself that I can bail on situations, is taking frequent breaks to be alone and collect my thoughts. That's why my notes app or notebook is always within reach. These tools let me communicate with myself so I'm not bottling up sensations and emotions. It's like a mental restroom break: essential and non-negotiable.

Recognizing My Limits Helps with Borderline Masking

Recognizing my limits and knowing when to take a step back has become a vital part of managing my BPD. It's not always easy, but it's necessary. By being mindful of my needs and allowing myself the space to decompress, I can better navigate the challenges of living with BPD. This journey of self-awareness and self-care is ongoing, and each day brings new lessons in balancing the demands of masking BPD with the need for authenticity and self-preservation.