Mental Health Pundits Recommend Resolution Revolution

Well it's that time again; time to wish Funny In The Head readers a Happy New Year. But before we go any further, let us concede quickly that this familiar, comforting phrase means different things to different people, indeed, it would be hard to find two people who defined a happy new year in identical terms. So I'll hasten to qualify by saying that I hope for you a New Year which conforms to your conception of what a New Year resembles, rather than someone else's.

Which brings us, I hope, to the subject of today's column, the advisability of New Year's resolutions among those who, through no fault of their own, reside in Greater Whackadoomia, an ever-increasing population cluster located within whistling distance of the outskirts.

Since that awe inspiring moment when time and human introspection first collided, guilt-ridden people have attempted to ascend the moral ladder by means of the psychological parlor trick known as - a New Year's resolution.

By putting an imaginary stake in the imaginary ground on the arbitrary line dividing two imaginary periods in history, i.e., last year and this year, humans whose eyes have grown crusty with moon dust, with moral conviction deep as a puddle, seeking to gain credit for things they have not done and won't, (although it is possible they do not yet realize this), hope to motivate themselves as if setting up a construct where the super-ego holds a metaphorical gun to the head of the ego and says," I am not kidding this time, if you don't quit [insert shortcoming here] I will give you a guilt complex so ruthless you’ll wish you were Prometheus.”

Now, the process of self-deception in the service of moral improvement is time-honored and it is certainly not our intention to discourage those on a campaign of spiritual evolution. However, your friends at Funny In The Head would like to join forces with the growing number of psychologists, psychiatrists, bloggers, hypnotists, magicians, and prestidigitators who caution those wrestling with mental illness against the practice. These pundits point out that things are quite difficult enough as it is without laying psychological landmines for ourselves certain to surprise us unpleasantly at the most inconvenient of times.

If you have made any New Year's resolutions, we recommend taking them back, and pretending they never happened at all. If it is too late for that, and you have made your intentions known to people who like to blab, simply go ahead and break them.

The world of mental health has its own vocabulary, logic, and value system. Start the New Year off with a series of small successes. For example, this morning, did you dress yourself? Bravo. Now stop and think about this. Imagine the added, needless pressure if you had promised yourself, and even others, that you would get dressed single-handedly this morning, with no assistance at all.

Now do you understand the futility and counter-productivity of New Year’s resolutions?