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Recovering from Mental Illness

I'm anxious about tomorrow. Tomorrow, I have an upper endoscopy scheduled so we can hopefully find out why I'm having abdominal pain and why I recently had pancreatitis. I have a little of what a friend calls "scan-xiety"--nervousness over what the test results may be. I'm guilty of some catastrophic thinking - what if it's pancreatic cancer? - but I've got three coping skills that are helpful. Here's how to handle catastrophic thinking and anxiety.
Recently TheAtlantic.com published an article titled, Should the US Bring Back Psychiatric Asylums? The article talks about the cynicism surrounding long-term psychiatric facilities, the consequences of de-institutionalization (homelessness and incarceration), as well as the need for such psychiatric facilities. So the question is, should we open more long-term psychiatric facilities?
Feeling misunderstood is one of the most difficult and painful things for people with mental illness. It’s difficult for most everyone, but sometimes our mental illness can make the misunderstanding even more complicated and can even contribute to mental health stigma. Has it ever happened to you? Some event transpires and you are clearly misunderstood by another person, or a group of people? Have you experienced a misunderstanding that has contributed to mental health stigma?
One book every person with a trauma-related mental illness should have is, I Can't Get Over It by Dr. Aphrodite Matsakis. In the book, Matsakis talks about "victim thinking," a common reaction for trauma survivors. "Victim thinking reflects the feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, defilement, and betrayal often experienced during trauma and afterwards," she writes. "It can include the low self-esteem that often results from self-blame, survivor guilt, and societal stigmatization."
Dear Senator Paul: I understand that you think I and people like me are "gaming the system" because we're receiving disability benefits for mental illness. I also understand that you claim you were quoted out of context and that some people do deserve disability, but the able-bodied don't. I've seen both videos, and you didn't say anything about mental illness. Logically, that means you think people with severe mental illness should not receive disability. Let me inform you about the realities of mental illness and disability benefits.
When my COBRA expired, I sought insurance (particularly to pay for mental health services), only to be denied because my mental illness was considered a pre-existing condition. Desperate, I turned to a Christian health pool, and asked if they covered mental illness. I was told that everyone has a bad day and that I should use herbs. I bit my tongue to avoid saying, "On my bad days I hallucinate." Mental illness is not a "bad day."
When our son was a teenager, like many teenagers, he was an avid music fan and, eventually, a musician in his own right. I also enjoyed the music he listened to, so we sometimes bonded over screaming until our vocal cords were bruised. Since it’s a known fact that mental illness runs in families, we weren’t too surprised when our son started showing signs of a depressive disorder. But his disorder and his music choices unearthed some mental illness, depression stigma in our home.
Like it or not, other people often have input in our mental health treatment. For example, my mother once contacted a psychiatrist and told her my symptoms. Without talking to me, the psychiatrist told my mother what changes she would make. I confronted her and she later told my mother I had an attitude problem (ironically enough, this psychiatrist told my mother my borderline personality disorder (BPD) was caused by poor parenting). Long story short, I fired her. But you can't really blame my mother. She wanted what was best, even if it meant the psychiatrist broke confidentiality in a non-emergency situation. It raises an interesting question: should other people have input in your mental health treatment?
Sometimes, I suffer from catastrophic thinking. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but recently I fell for the old "one million Neopoints" scam. For those of you not familiar with Neopets.com, it's an addictive site in which you own a pet and play games with it. The "one million Neopoints" scam is against the site's Terms Of Service. As a result of my stupidity, my account of 10 years may be frozen, causing me to lose everything I worked for. And equally embarrassing to admit, this has caused me a great deal of stress. I've had nightmares about it. I even have a surgical procedure scheduled in February and the Neopets thing is stressing me out more. This is typical for my borderline personality disorder (BPD)--just about anything can seem like the end of the world, like a catastrophe.
Staying sober for New Year's Eve (while everybody but me will be drinking) will be a challenge. Fortunately, therapy, medication and Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) have helped me prepare a sobriety plan. Here are three things I plan to do to stay sober for New Year's Eve and beyond.