Five Years Self-Harm Free: Vlog Dedicated to Brother

I made my last, intentional self-injury cut on the night of October 14, 2008. I was sitting in the bathtub, staring down at a bobby pin and crying about the news I’d gotten that morning. The news had been devastating and to this day, still leaves me in disbelief.

My Decision to Stop Self-Harming

Five years ago, my brother passed away due to Metastatic Melanoma. He wasn’t just my brother, however. This man was my hero and role model. He was the one I called and talked to openly about my self-injury cutting. I emailed him when I was in such a low place I couldn’t imagine surviving another hour. He’d always return with a snarky message or a joke and I’d push myself to find a positive place.

That night, as I sat in the bathtub, I decided to make my final cut.

The fourteenth of October is a bittersweet day. It was the day my brother did not feel the pain of cancer anymore. It was that day, five years ago, that I decided to stop cutting myself once and for all. Up until that day, my self-harm had decreased since high school. I’d cut once and a while which was much better than cutting on a daily basis, like it used to be.

The day my brother passed away was the day I made a promise to myself, and to him, that I would no longer take my frustrations out on myself.

Do Not Wait for a Reason to Stop Self-Harming

Sadly, my brother’s death was what triggered me to officially stop cutting myself. My last cut was on the inside of my right ankle and it was small. I will never forget that cut like I will never forget my first one. However, it is sad that it took my brother passing away for me to come to this reality.

Up until then, I was doing much better than during my high school years. I would only cut occasionally and I was actively in therapy. (What I didn’t know was that not long after my brother’s death, a whole new type of therapy would be needed). But, that is a different story.

If you’re going to stop self-harming - stop. Do not wait for a sign or for something to happen to set your decision in motion. Sometimes, those signs are not the kind of signs you want and can make things in your life a little more hectic. Follow your heart and choose the right path.

Even though my brother isn’t here, I know he’d be proud of the path I’ve chosen.

You can also find Jennifer Aline Graham on Google+, Facebook, Twitter and her personal blog is here.