Verbally Abusive Behaviors from Children

Verbal abuse can come from individuals of any age, including children. Unfortunately, the understanding that kids can be cruel is too common for many parents. So, why do children resort to verbal abuse to handle difficult situations? The answer could be due to learned behaviors or a developmental phase. 

Why Are Kids Verbally Abusive?

Children can be a joy to have around. These youngsters can help you see the world from a different perspective. However, their blunt honesty can sometimes come across as verbal abuse to others. Some kids rely on verbally abusive behaviors for many reasons. 

The motivation behind kids using verbal abuse tactics can include: 

• Family members exhibit similar behaviors
• A desire to fit in or impress a peer group
• Unintentional, hurtful comments 
• Trying to gain control in a situation wherein they are powerless
• An underlying health condition

Family Members

If a child grows up in a home environment where verbal abuse is common, they will see this behavior as a typical relationship tactic. As a result, kids will often mimic their parents and caregivers, continuing the cycle of verbal abuse without realizing it.

Peer Group 

Children with low self-esteem or a strong desire to fit in with their peers may resort to verbal abuse of other kids. This type of behavior will often come out when the peer group engages in teasing or bullying, and the child will join in, hoping to be accepted. 

Unintentional Hurtful Comments

Although kids can say cruel things to each other, not every comment is meant as verbal abuse. Each child is unique and will have contrasting ideas of what makes them upset. For example, sometimes a child will comment on their peer, which is considered verbally abusive, although the individual didn't mean it to be that way.

Gaining Control 

Some children who use verbal abuse know how to use it to gain control over a situation where they feel powerless. In many cases, kids will use verbal abuse tactics on their parents and caregivers to test boundaries and try to gain control of a situation.

Underlying Health Condition

Children with underlying health conditions may lash out and verbally abuse others around them. For example, a young child with Tourette syndrome or autism spectrum disorder may blurt out profanities or hurtful comments to other children before realizing their impact. 

Is Your Child Verbally Abusive?

No parent wants to know their child is a bully and intentionally hurts other kids. However, parents like me have received that dreaded phone call from school you don't want. In my situation, I had a child who would blurt out hurtful comments to other children without remorse. 

Unfortunately, my child did not understand how their words could hurt other kids since they didn't feel they were wrong in their comments. In addition, my child was slower to mature and develop empathy than the peer group, making it challenging for them to realize that words can be harmful. 

Although my kid's comments were unintentional, they still created challenges with making and keeping friends. Thankfully, with tools from my therapist and continuous work with my child's teachers, this behavior was a developmental milestone we worked through. 

Not every child who is verbally abusive is intentionally trying to hurt someone. However, if your child exhibits this behavior, you must address the situation and help them realize how wrong it is. You may need to change behaviors at home or seek out a therapist to help, but it's possible for your child to alter their actions. Therefore, by managing verbally abusive tactics in children, you are helping to keep them from growing up into adults who rely on verbal abuse in their relationships.