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In abusive relationships, the devil you know seems better than the devil you don't. We go back and forth over leaving our abusive mate, wobbling between fear of them and fear of the unknown. It's a tricky balancing act, especially when our partner seems to know just when to put on their nice mask. The sweet phases of an abusive relationship add to the confusion and indecision about just what kind of devil we know.
What kind of devil can be so sweet one minute and so nasty the next? And why can they act kind for long stretches and then turn back into monsters over meaningless situations or words? Why do they hurt us? Why do we stay? Will this relationship hurt the children? Can this relationship last? Should I stay to see if it gets better? Should I run and not look back?
Unfortunately, I am incapable of giving you those answers. And honestly, the longer you take contemplating what those answers could be, the longer you'll be stuck with the devil you know.
I have a three day weekend and I think it's time to talk about the interaction I've experienced between having Adult ADHD and being able to relax. Let me start off by defining the word "relax." This is the definition I found during my quick internet search:
make or become less tense or anxious;
rest or engage in an enjoyable activity so as to become less tired or anxious;
cause (a limb or muscle) to become less rigid; and,
straighten or partially uncurl (hair) using a chemical product.
I'm going to address the first one today and the next two next week. As someone with insanely curly hair (when long) I've tried the fourth and felt no less anxious after, [insert smiley face here] so it will not be discussed.
Talking about depression can be scary. It was... is... scary for me, too. But I did it anyway. We all must talking about our depression, for ourselves, for our children, and for our children's children.
Nothing is more important than reconnecting with your bliss. Nothing is as rich. Nothing is more real. ~Deepak Chopra
What is Emotional Intelligence (EQ)?
How well do you observe your own feelings and emotions as well as those of others around you? Can you separate those feelings and emotions and use what you know to boost your way of being, thinking and doing? Are your feelings and emotions awaking or subduing your bliss?
If you answered “so-so”, many of us struggle with monitoring our feelings and emotions and those of others. But, I bet you know someone that is attentive and an active listener. Someone, who can in the midst of a life-storm stay calm, composed, emotionally-steady and make good decisions. My lovely Grandmother was that way. She was very self-aware and aware of the feelings and emotions of others. No matter what the situation she stayed positive, trusted her instincts and did not get stressed or angry. Doing this well is the art of Emotional Intelligence, also affectionately known as “EQ”. It is your ability to be self-aware, manage your feelings and emotions and those of others and use it to better inform your way of being, thinking and doing.
I’m not a religious person and I’m not the kind of person to argue about religion. Believe what you want to believe – easy as that. I’ve never understood why people feel the need to push their beliefs onto other people. Don’t make people change if they’re not willing to or are interested in changing.
Self-harm is similar, if looked at in that light.
Are you in a unhealthy relationship or an healthy relationship? Here's a 60-second test that may help you find out.
Recently, Virginia State Senator Creigh Deeds spoke to Anderson Cooper at CNN and to 60 minutes about a family tragedy that, sadly, could have been avoided. In Deeds' words "the system failed my son."
I know how he feels - except that, luckily, my son is still alive. So far.
The truth is that, despite the fact that Ben has "case management" from the state, they have to do very little to help Ben, or us. They are overworked, underfunded, and all too glad to have us take the "burden" from their shoulders. But - what would happen to Ben if anything were to happen to us?
How Does the Mental Health System Fail?
Those with mental illness, and their families, need more support. Much more.
Let's go back to Senator Deeds. According to CNN,
Your body and brain's response to trauma creates your symptoms of posttraumatic stress disorder, so can your brain's activity help to heal PTSD?
America may not be perfect, it may not even be pluperfect, and, truth be told, its glory days as a superpower seem to be shrinking faster than telephone poles in the rear-view mirror of a Cadillac El Dorado fleeing a crime scene. However, there is one area in which we have progressed nobly, that is, making good on our constitutionally guaranteed claim of unequivocally equal opportunity for all, regardless.
It seems incredible today but, when I was just a little Funny In The Head, JFK’s Catholicism was a source of fierce debate and considered a political liability. When Barack Obama became president he made history because of his racially mixed heritage. Today, many people believe that Hillary Clinton will be our next president, which would make her the first woman to smash through the nation’s loftiest glass ceiling.
The right book can crack you open to fantastic feelings. When you find one that resonates with you, it can help break patterns that keep you from living the life you want. Looking for a good read that will get you thinking in a new way, feel happier, and gain tools to keep you from falling back into the cycle of low self-esteem? These may do the trick.
I believe she will only be able to rid herself of her demons, and hopefully her BPD as well, when she's ready to confront the abuse of her father. If she can put the blame where it belongs, she may stop projecting that victim/perpetrator cycle on the present men in her life. These demons are a metaphor for the purgatory she has created for herself. That reality has consequences in the real world, but it need not be real in the tangible sense. Exorcising her demons will require the expenditure of real physical energy and probably the destruction of aspects of her personality. If this ever happens, and it's possible but not probable, then these demons will evaporate. They are only as real as one's personality is real. In short, reality is not the question, it's what you make of the things you feel to be real.