Blogs
I fake smile on my bad days, but many people never know it. In fact, many people are surprised to learn that I am a woman living with borderline personality disorder (BPD). Some were surprised when I first started writing this blog because I didn't fit their ideas and molds ascribed to women living with this diagnosis (Stigma of BPD). I’m perceived by many as happy, joyful, well put together, composed, and intelligent. (As if these things are mutually exclusive from living with severe mental illness.) And the reality is that on many days, these words do describe me wholeheartedly. The thing about living with BPD (or any serious mental illness) is that the world keeps on spinning even on our darker and tougher days. Just because I’m going through it doesn’t mean my responsibilities and commitments cease. Fake smiles are actually important.
What is a bliss book? It developed from a training I recently took that assigned the creation of a brag book. The entries entail at least one thing every day I’m proud of. I’ll admit, I found this quite contrived at first. Full disclosure: I still don’t do it every day like I want to, but I've taken it on, calling it a bliss book instead.
Recovering from self-harm is hard for reasons too numerous to list. The process of self-harm recovery is often lonely, confusing, messy, and dark. Feelings of hopelessness, feeling trapped, and feeling flooded with whatever emotions led us to self-harm in the first place are not uncommon, nor are the urges that cloud our thoughts and tempt us toward relapse in our self-harm recovery.
I'm isolating myself because of schizoaffective disorder and generalized anxiety disorder because I’m simply afraid to socialize in all sorts of ways—even more recently, in support groups. Here's why I'm isolating myself.
You probably want to control anxiety attacks and panic attacks because they are frightening experiences that make anyone who has them feel out of control. Of course people feel out of control with anxiety attacks. They are all-consuming. It’s as if the world shrinks around us like cling wrap -- squeezing, crushing, and suffocating us. And at the very same time, panic attacks make the world feel like it’s growing bigger and bigger so that there’s nothing to ground us, leaving us to spiral dizzyingly out of control. Is it even possible to control this terrible aspect of anxiety? Happily, there is. This checklist can be your guide to control anxiety attacks or panic attacks.
Comparing ourselves to others worsens depression. When I do it, it adds fuel to my negative thoughts and the descent starts there. I have discovered some ways to keep the comparison beast from taking over my mind and my life and therefore worsening my depression.
The lies your eating disorder tells you will prevent your recovery. The eating disorder masquerades as your closest friend and trusted confidant, but it is a fraud, and the lies your eating disorder tells you saturate your brain and hold you back from eating disorder recovery. The more entrenched those lies become, the more fearful you are of envisioning a future that doesn’t revolve around the eating disorder. You’re trapped in a vortex of wanting to escape its death-grip but wondering if you’ll have a sense of purpose or an identity without the eating disorder. The eating disorder is a persuasive storyteller—I believed it for decades, and am often still tempted to again. But those lies that your eating disorder tells you to hold you back from eating disorder recovery aren't worth pursuing once you know the truth.
The opposite rule is a rule some people with bipolar disorder or another mental illness use to help deal with the unhealthy parts of a mental illness. It’s actually a really useful rule and I use it a lot as a bipolar coping skill. Here I tell you how and why to use the opposite rule if you have bipolar disorder or another mental illness.
If you’ve ever wondered about the cause of your morning anxiety, you’re definitely not alone. I had only guessed at the reasons I feel anxious when I get up in the wee hours of the morning. But recently, someone asked me for insight into why she feels anxious in the morning going to her workouts. I did a little digging and I want to share some factors that may cause morning anxiety.
I believe she will only be able to rid herself of her demons, and hopefully her BPD as well, when she's ready to confront the abuse of her father. If she can put the blame where it belongs, she may stop projecting that victim/perpetrator cycle on the present men in her life. These demons are a metaphor for the purgatory she has created for herself. That reality has consequences in the real world, but it need not be real in the tangible sense. Exorcising her demons will require the expenditure of real physical energy and probably the destruction of aspects of her personality. If this ever happens, and it's possible but not probable, then these demons will evaporate. They are only as real as one's personality is real. In short, reality is not the question, it's what you make of the things you feel to be real.