Blogs
Christie Stewart
This week, I'm focusing on healthy alternatives to self-injury as a followup to my previous article about using natural supplements to calm anxiety and self-injury urges.
Contrary to popular opinion, I do not believe that cathartic techniques suggested by many treatment centers, books and websites are beneficial to coping with self-injury urges. These techniques can include:
snapping a rubber band against the wrist
coloring on your arms with a red pen
holding an ice cube to your skin
hitting, punching or breaking items.
On my journey to PTSD recovery, one of the first distress techniques that my therapist taught me was meditation. When he suggested it, my first thought was, "You've got to be kidding me!"
My mind and body were always racing, how was I supposed to slow down far and long enough to meditate?
Sometimes we run into people with a mental illness that we don’t know that well, but we recognize the signs of mental illness in them anyway. I can spot a person in mania or depression at 10 paces, and I’m not alone. But what do you say to a person that you don’t really know but that you suspect has a mental illness? What if you saw this person in a mental health crisis?
Holidays are a difficult time for many people, but are often more difficult for those of us living with a mental illness. Yes, even a sort of silly holiday like Valentine's Day.
Let's be honest: my eating disorder recovery is...shaky at the moment. I admit this to you for two reasons. One: if you're also in recovery from an eating disorder and having a rough time of it, that's normal and you're not alone. Two: if you're on the outside looking in, don't be fooled into thinking that just because your loved one "looks" normal, or stopped purging, or stopped over-exercising, that they're not still struggling.
The fact is, struggling is part of the journey. Nobody said recovering from anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, or any other disordered eating pattern would be easy - and if they did, they were lying to you.
Is your self-worth tied to your relationship status? All too often, people have a negative or judgmental reaction to being "single". Certain times of the year can be harder to be single than others. Valentine's Day, the holidays and even hearing of close friends getting hitched can be a jolt to our mindset. But tying your self-worth to your relationship status gives a false sense of self-esteem whether it's raised or lowered.
Fear deconstructs. Fear is not a marriage builder. Actually, not much messes a marriage up more than fear. Fear has partners withdrawing from each other, getting defensive, talking themselves out of making effort, being down right mean to each other, and looking for love in all the wrong places (What Is a Healthy Relationship?).
It can ruin a good thing and make a not so good thing much, much worse.
During my own PTSD recovery I studied - a lot! I read all I could get my hands on about trauma psychology and recovery theory. Some of my favorite current authors: Judith Herman, Babette Rothschild, Peter Levine and Robert Scaer. (Most of whom I've now interviewed on my radio show, YOUR LIFE AFTER TRAUMA.)
While I focused on the current authors, I also delved back into the past, reading the fathers of trauma theory, including Jean-Martin Charcot and Pierre Janet.
One of my fave quotes that made me feel soooo much better actually came from a comment made back in 1881...
Parenting a child with mental illness requires a team. Parents, extended family members, friends teachers, therapists, etc. can all be a part of the team. In my case (and Bob’s), Bob’s father is around, but sometimes dealing with him is more of a hassle than a help; especially in the years of schooling before Bob’s evaluation and diagnosis.
Americans have a provincial view of the world revolving around exploitation; that is to say, other countries exist only to the extent that we consider them useful. Johnny and Ginny Lunchbucket think of China as the place that produces freighter loads of shabby merchandise we consume, India as the place to call if something breaks, the Middle East as a gas station with uppity attendants, Europe as the place with painting, sculpture, and whatnot, and South America (including central America) as our source for drugs and black market plastic surgery.
Johnny & Ginny Lunchbucket consider Canada the go-to place for criminals fleeing justice, while Australia, which was founded by convicts, is roughly equivalent to Cuba in terms of inability to hold interest. Africa, the very wellspring of humanity itself, has failed to capture the imagination of Mr. and Mrs. Lunchbucket at all – to them it is somewhere in-between an outsized petting zoo and a sweet background for Land Rover commercials.
I believe she will only be able to rid herself of her demons, and hopefully her BPD as well, when she's ready to confront the abuse of her father. If she can put the blame where it belongs, she may stop projecting that victim/perpetrator cycle on the present men in her life. These demons are a metaphor for the purgatory she has created for herself. That reality has consequences in the real world, but it need not be real in the tangible sense. Exorcising her demons will require the expenditure of real physical energy and probably the destruction of aspects of her personality. If this ever happens, and it's possible but not probable, then these demons will evaporate. They are only as real as one's personality is real. In short, reality is not the question, it's what you make of the things you feel to be real.