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It seems like everyone you know is on a diet, right? Most people don't succeed, sadly. If they do, they gain it back (plus some) later on. It's hard to stick to losing weight and a diet plan. For those of us with adult attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) it can be even more difficult. Impulisvity, medication side-effects and all the traps that "ordinary people" fall into are all waiting to trip us up.
I'll be blunt--Indianapolis is my city, and I love my city, warts and all. Recently a dominatrix-turned-political-activist was selling books at the farmer's market I frequent. Long story short, I now own an autographed copy of Spanking City Hall by Melyssa Hubbard. The book is a delightful romp through the world of kink and the lawsuit designed to stop it, ultimately culminating in a triumph of the little guy. I've learned many things from this book, including why sex should be safe to explore, why it's important to stand up for yourself even if it doesn't look like you've got a chance, and how some people just go out of their way to undermine you. These are all great lessons for a person with borderline personality disorder (BPD) to learn.
What greater thing is there for two human souls, than to feel that they are joined for life--to strengthen each other in all labor, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting? ~ George Eliot, Adam Bede
Happiest Places
On the backdrop of the beautiful Caribbean ocean, I want to share a reflection on relationships. The popularized tagline of Disneyland is "The Happiest Place On Earth." For many Disneyland may very well be, but, consider something much deeper like the space between you and another, especially close relationships. Eric Weiner, the author of the book The Geography of Bliss: One Grump’s Search for the Happiest Places in the World, observed, “the happiest places on earth are not internal ones. They are not geographical ones. It’s the places between us and the closer they are the more at ease we are the happier they tend to be.”
Sometimes houses of worship are not the sanctuaries we need them to be. Many people of faith believe that mental illness is a spiritual problem, which hurts everyone involved. More Than Borderline's, Becky Oberg, endured two exorcisms at the hands of a charismatic non-denominational church, eventually leaving when she realized they would not accept her mental illness or her.
It’s important to have people you look up to in your life. Some people look up to certain family members or friends. Maybe you looked up to a positive celebrity such as Maya Angelou, who sadly left us recently. Some people may find comfort in teachers or therapists who have positively affected them.
By having a role model, you have someone who can guide you towards becoming a role model yourself. Maybe this person was a self-harmer in their past and they overcame the uneasy battle. It’s impossible for them not to have stories that can help you overcome your own struggles with the addiction to self-injury.
Two weeks ago, I went back on antidepressants. I say "back" because I took them during a protracted period of depression several years ago, but weaned myself off of them after about six months because I didn’t think they were doing much for me. But two weeks ago, after weeks of urging by my husband and a close friend, I went back to my psychiatrist and he felt I should try an antidepressant. I am beginning to feel better, I must admit, and if I’m being honest with myself, I white-knuckled it through the winter and early spring, knowing I was in depression, and refusing to do anything about it other than hide and eat (food is my self-medication of choice). But I felt defeated, walking into the doctor’s office, as if I was a failure. So after putting on 25 pounds and crying every day for a month, I gave in and got myself some help.
The past is our biggest teacher in life. If you have the courage to look back, you can truly use the experiences and memories to help you uncover what you've learned, to accept the past, and to let go of what contributes to your lack of self-confidence. Learn from your past so you can break patterns that aren't serving you.
Living with an anxiety disorder can make us feel very miserable. Naturally, we want the anxiety, no matter the type, to just go away. So we find ways to treat it and to manage it. There’s medication, therapy, or various alternative treatments. Sometimes, though, this just doesn't feel like enough.
Seeing the World Through the Eyes of Depression
For as long as I can remember, I've seen myself and the world around me a little differently than the average person. There was a lot of negativity and fear inside me. It wasn't until my early 20s that I realized that anxiety and depression were a big part of this type of warped perspective. At the age of 28, I was diagnosed with bipolar 1 disorder. For years I fought my diagnosis, not believing that it could apply to me.
Mental health recovery is an exercise in hope. Hope—the earnest expectation of coming good. Hope is indispensable to our recovery. Hope can help us move away from the terror of defeat and despondency. It's not an abstract idea that makes no real difference in our recovery. It’s the cornerstone upon which the entire recovery foundation is built. There can be no recovery without hope.
Despair on the other hand, is a hellish pit we can find ourselves in if we are not careful.
I believe she will only be able to rid herself of her demons, and hopefully her BPD as well, when she's ready to confront the abuse of her father. If she can put the blame where it belongs, she may stop projecting that victim/perpetrator cycle on the present men in her life. These demons are a metaphor for the purgatory she has created for herself. That reality has consequences in the real world, but it need not be real in the tangible sense. Exorcising her demons will require the expenditure of real physical energy and probably the destruction of aspects of her personality. If this ever happens, and it's possible but not probable, then these demons will evaporate. They are only as real as one's personality is real. In short, reality is not the question, it's what you make of the things you feel to be real.