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Verbal abuse, in essence, seeks to destroy your perception of your Self. The abuser sees you as the enemy to his way of life, and therefore will do everything in his power to diminish your mind, body, and soul to nothing and rebuild you in his image. Your abuser wants you to be non-existent, or at least weak and defeated, so he can define you as exactly what he wants you to be: his slave.
But you didn't know this was his goal. Over time, you didn't notice that you gave of yourself but he contributed nothing. You cited his rotten childhood or made some excuse that fed your desire to help him to overcome his horrid life situation, drawing yourself into codependency and taking on responsibility for his thoughts and actions.
I get asked quite a bit for specific treatment recommendations. People will tell me a few medication details and then ask what to do, or someone will ask what my experience has been on a certain treatment.
My answer is always the same: only your doctor is qualified to talk to you about your treatment as they know your personal history and health. My experience is only one person’s and cannot be generalized to any other person.
And that is the right answer. But unfortunately, it’s one people don’t want to give (or get).
A clear example is seen on Patients Like Me, a web site designed for patient-to-patient communication.
Hello. I'm Amy Kiel and welcome to my depression blog, Depression Diaries. I am a passionate mental health activist learning daily to live a beautiful life despite an ongoing 20 year battle with major depressive disorder. As part of my work to spread awareness and share the message of hope, you can count on me to talk candidly about the real life challenges associated with depression and the many mental health issues that often accompany it. There's no sugar coating it around here.
After next week, I will be responsible for Bob's appointments--psychiatrist (which I already attend) and therapist (which my husband currently handles). The question I'm asking, however--given last week's observations by the therapist--is should we even bother continuing with talk therapy at this point?
Amanda_HP
I don't know anyone who has set out to become an alcoholic. For most, alcoholism creeps up on you. Take Kendra for instance. She's our guest on this week's HealthyPlace Mental Health TV Show.
Kendra started binge drinking in college. It was part of the social scene, so it never struck her that binge drinking might be an indication of a drinking problem. After all, she was only drinking one day a week. Of course, that was the early years.
I write at HealthyPlace about the problems associated with living with bipolar disorder, and let’s face it, there are many. I also talk about the problems with the treatment of bipolar disorder, and yes, there are many of those too.
But just because I recognize issues, discuss genuine, painful emotion and make loud an inner voice that among most people is strangled, doesn’t mean my treatment has been a failure. Just because I’m not “all better,” that doesn’t mean treatment doesn’t work.
There's a great deal of flexibility demanded of parents and other caregivers of mentally ill children. I don't mean physical flexibility (although that can certainly come in handy, as well)--I mean the ability--and willingness--to completely move from Plan A to B in the blink of an eye.
I mentioned previously that some changes were in order for our family. After a lot of number-crunching, soul-searching, cussing and dis-cussing, nail-biting and everything else that goes with major life decisions--yesterday, I resigned from my job.
I know of a lawsuit I would have paid a month's wages to watch Judge Judy handle. When I was a child, a student brought either cocaine or heroin to her elite private school. She was caught and expelled. However, the school had no written rules, which meant there was no formal drug policy. She sued, claiming she didn't know she couldn't bring drugs.
To my knowledge, borderline personality disorder (BPD) was not a factor. However, this frivolous lawsuit is a perfect example of an attempt to avoid personal responsibility--one of the complications of BPD.
Anxiety can happen in a blink of an eye. Simply repeating the two words of “what if” to yourself can start the process of building anxiety. These are several points about self talk and their messages that I want to address.
Anxiety: It wasn't always like this. Was it?
Imagine you're dating your anxiety disorder. Yes, you're in a relationship with your anxiety disorder. Scary, isn't it?! Now here's how one gets into this mess.
When anxiety and I first got together, things seemed OK. The first date was a bit awkward - anxiety nitpicked about the food but other than that it went well. Anxiety insisted on a second date and I thought, well, why not? Quite right about the food, really.
I read this book many years ago, just as I was entering the turmoil of remembering, questioning and doubting myself all the way (as I'd been covertly taught over a lifetime). I happened to mention to my two sisters one day, "This is so strange but I've been diagnosed with PTSD." Both my sisters surprised me by responding, "Me too."
THEN I happened upon an old book manuscript that my now deceased father had written (not published), wherein the protagonist was obviously based upon himself and he rapes his "fiancee," who had my unusual name. Yes, truly.
Then I made myself look at the peculiar memory I always had where he violently threatened me but somehow I had never been able to recall what came before or after the episode. I had to admit that was a bit strange.
The pressures and powers to forget sexual abuse are great, both in family and society. In fact, I've come to the sad conclusion that the vast majority of survivors never really deal with their childhood wounds (a neglect for which there are always repercussions).
To critique an encouragement of people trusting their intuition in such matters is really getting the prescription dangerously wrong.
Thanks!