Blogs
Actor and comedian Robin McLaurin Williams died by apparent suicide in his California home on August 11, 2014. His death has shocked and saddened millions all over the world. I'm personally stunned. I grew up with his performances, starting with Mork & Mindy on television when I was a kid. It's a tragic, tragic loss. We took a hard punch on this one, and we'll be feeling it for quite some time.
When a high profile person takes their own life, it triggers the debate about suicide itself. Is suicide selfish? Is it cowardly? How can anyone do that, anyway? And, most importantly, why didn't they ask for mental health help? How come they didn't make a different choice?
A common misconception is that apart from medication, there is little someone diagnosed with adult attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) can do to maintain what passes as order in their life. While it certainly feels like that from time to time, it is simply not the case. There are some things an adult with ADHD can do to stack the odds in his or her favor.
The passing of Robin Williams has been a difficult death for many to grasp. People are still catching their breaths from when they heard that one of the world’s most talented actors took his own life. Not only did he star in one of my favorite films of all time, Dead Poet’s Society, but he always came across as a happy, confident individual.
As an actor, you are able to turn yourself into any character you want and get away with it, even if you are acting out a character in the real world. People admire actors and judge them due to the stories and the talent revolving around them, but sometimes, we forget to think about the baggage they carry – even if it isn’t obvious. Even though Robin Williams struggled with addiction and severe depression, it was hard for the world to see him as anyone other than a funny, happy man.
Obviously, that wasn’t always so.
By now, everyone has heard that beloved actor and comedian Robin Williams has died by suicide. His death, like all deaths, is a tragedy. The fact this was a suicide adds an extra wrinkle to this story. To most, it makes the event sadder or incomprehensible. For people who also suffer from depression or any other mental illness, discussion of his suicide is more personal (Dealing with Depression in the Wake of Robin Williams' Suicide).
When a famous, wealthy, and generally well-liked person succumbs to their illness, it’s natural to wonder how we can survive our own illness when someone with all that going for them could not. Nothing creates more anxiety than wondering whether or not we can beat our illness.
It's news that leaves you morose--Robin Williams, the comedian and actor who brought us Mrs. Doubtfire and Patch Adams, is dead from an apparent suicide. The news made me reflect on my battle with borderline personality disorder (BPD) and my own thoughts of suicide. There are three lessons to learn - know when to ask for help, keep on seeking help, and always remember that suicide is often a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Jess Hudgens, my co-author on Surviving ED, wrote a powerful post last week where she compares, among other things, how feelings are similar to waves in that they won’t last forever. In discussing urges and coping skills experienced in eating disorder recovery, Jess highlights that feelings are what lies beneath urges when they surface.
Jess’s post immediately brought memories of a therapy session I once had, where I explored a "reframing" exercise for the first time. It was that instance where my therapist helped me reframe the beliefs I held about self-esteem and body image. Up until that point, the best way I could describe my state of mind was that I felt numb. On any given day, I couldn’t quite figure out how I felt. When I tried to articulate a so-called "feeling," I usually ended up with words like light, fat, heavy, small or little. Over time, my therapist helped me chip away at these words to uncover the actual meaning of them in relation to the eating disorder I was suffering from: bulimia.
If you haven’t heard the tragic news, I’m very sorry to tell you that Robin Williams died by apparent suicide, Monday, August 11, 2014. He was 63 years old. Williams suffered from substance abuse issues and likely bipolar disorder (his depression was confirmed recently by his publicist, bipolar not as much).
In other words, we lost one of us. We lost one of the bipolar/depression community at large. And the stark reality of losing a person with a mental illness who is so incredibly brilliant, talented and outwardly happy can easily bring about feelings of depression, anxiety and even our own thoughts of suicide. All of us, myself included, need to react to this tragically genuinely, but without allowing it to make our own mental health or depression worse.
I took my last drink of alcohol (hopefully for good) on February 19, 2007. I smoked my last cigarette (also hopefully for good) on December 31, 2010. In contrast, my friend quit street drugs and alcohol years ago, but she doesn't know the exact dates.
12-step programs emphasize dates. Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous and Overeaters Anonymous all celebrate sobriety dates, clean dates and abstinence dates, respectively. For me, my sobriety date is extremely important. It commemorates a miraculous day when I was given another chance to live. The day I quit smoking is important to me too, but I might not remember it if it didn't coincide with New Year's. Perhaps I care more about my sobriety date because my struggle with alcohol was much harder. Even so, for the clean and sober folks I know who do not commemorate a specific clean date, (mind you, this is the minority of clean and sober folks I know) it is not because their sobriety isn't important to them.
Last night, I had just about the best night ever and I didn't have to think about keeping my hyperactive monster in check or about staying focused. I found the ultimate way to let my adult attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) reign free! The way my brain wants me to work is to make jokes 99% of the time, move around a lot, make others laugh a lot (did I mention that), switch accents up when talking and entertain people. My brain's desire doesn't always serve me well when it's not kept in check, but it did last night. Why? Because I went to a murder mystery dinner.
Be mindful of the very moment you are living. Start exactly this second. You don't wait . . . ~ Alexandra Stoddard
Where Does Your Mind Go?
Are you paying attention? When you drive your car, are you on autopilot or on alert? When you are in conversation, are you engaging with the other or thinking of something else?
As I was sitting in the backyard of a dear friend, taking in the scenic backdrop of rolling hills, sprawling green trees, magnificent limestone cliffs, and a serene lake, my mind harkened back to a trip I took to Los Colinas De Cuncumen. Just thinking about it fills me with joy. This was a place absent of technology and social fanfare. It was a place where peace and serenity embraced me the moment I arrived and, quite frankly, it is still with me today. It was an opportunity for me to reflect on the core of who I was as a human being. Many questions arose during my time there, but the one that continues to surface is, where does your mind go?
I believe she will only be able to rid herself of her demons, and hopefully her BPD as well, when she's ready to confront the abuse of her father. If she can put the blame where it belongs, she may stop projecting that victim/perpetrator cycle on the present men in her life. These demons are a metaphor for the purgatory she has created for herself. That reality has consequences in the real world, but it need not be real in the tangible sense. Exorcising her demons will require the expenditure of real physical energy and probably the destruction of aspects of her personality. If this ever happens, and it's possible but not probable, then these demons will evaporate. They are only as real as one's personality is real. In short, reality is not the question, it's what you make of the things you feel to be real.