Blogs
I didn't plan on making a part three to this series, but a lawsuit in Indiana just made it important. The lawsuit charged that it was inhumane and a violation of the Eighth Amendment's prohibition of cruel and unusual punishment to keep inmates with mental illness in segregation (isolation) with no access to "minimally adequate" treatment.
For many an addict, abstinence from mind and mood altering chemicals is a significant achievement. Addiction has a way of tearing apart a person in ways that are incredibly damaging. In addition, there is typically a great deal of fall out that results from a person’s self-destructive behavior.
A noticeable absence in the mental health community's mentioning of the debilitating condition is agoraphobia. This same pattern has been found in so many other areas: in books, in therapy, and in cultural society. Like many mental illnesses, agoraphobia can be a very lonely, misunderstood, and hushed condition. Not only offline, but online as well.
My last blog focused on the importance of not diagnosing your mental health symptoms yourself! This blog will focus on not treating symptoms of relapse without consulting with your mental health care team first. Yes, I know, this post might seem a little boring but it's important so please keep reading--note: you can leave me a comment stating you fell asleep around 300 words. I will refrain from being offended.
I have a guest blogger this week - and she is in High School. Her name is Eliana Yashgur, and she attends Hebrew High School in New England. She wrote to me after reading Ben Behind His Voices, and shared her essay with me, which was a runner-up finalist in a contest competition run by a neuropsychiatry lab at which she hopes to intern this summer. I was so impressed by her work that I asked her to be my guest blogger.
That lab would be lucky to hire her!
If a high school student gets it, let's hope the word will spread. HealthyPlace is doing its part to stand up for mental health. So is Eliana, so can we all.
The abusive relationship begins like many others. Two people meet, make a connection, and fall in love. Their love seems beautiful to family and friends...except for one or two things that seem, well, odd...but every relationship has problems. Right? After all, there are no fairy-tales in the real world.
For ease of writing only, the victim in our story is a princess, the abuser is a knight, and the victim's friends are the loving animals of the forest.
tneely
Each new year, I believe the universe gives us an opportunity to reflect on the year passing and to set new goals or intentions for the year ahead. The goal-oriented overachiever in me had a love/hate relationship with this time of year because no matter how great my achievements for the year, I always came away feeling like I failed in some way. As atonement, I would vow to “do more” and “be better”. At the beginning of 2012, after approximately 4 months of intensive treatment for my never ending panic and anxiety, I gave up on goal setting and instead set intentions for the new year, the most important of them being to practice better mental self-care.
When you live with a chronic mental illness you may experience periods of relapse. Side-note: Not everyone who lives with a mental illness relapses but for those of us who do, the desire to diagnose ourselves and, in connection, attempt to treat our symptoms is tempting.
And it is exceptionally dangerous.
Recovering from an eating disorder isn’t particularly easy at any time of the year, but I always find it especially difficult around the New Year. For starters, you’ve just gotten through the holidays, which are extremely stressful in and of themselves, even if you don’t have an eating disorder.
And then come New Year’s resolutions. If your eating disorder is anything like mine, it rejoices at the idea of flying under the radar and hitching a ride on everyone else’s “Get fit in 2013!” wagon.
I will never say that I am grateful for having experienced abuse. I do not believe that abuse made me stronger, smarter, or braver. I did not "need" to go through the soul-threatening experience of an abusive marriage to become who I am today. If I could do it all over again with what I know now, I would have left him after our second child was born.
However, I am grateful that my experience with abuse can be used to benefit others. I am grateful that abuse did not silence me. Abuse did not take my life, and it didn't take my soul. I am lucky and blessed.
Over the past few years, after blogging through the last year of abuse and my subsequent release from it, I've gained a unique perspective on abusive relationships. I feel blessed that so many people contact me about their abuse (or about their desire to stop abusing). I know heartbreaking domestic dramas play out every single day, and it is sometimes hard to remove myself from other people's pain and stay objective and clear-headed. Sometimes I don't detach so well and take their pain to bed with me.
Tonight will be one of those nights.
I believe she will only be able to rid herself of her demons, and hopefully her BPD as well, when she's ready to confront the abuse of her father. If she can put the blame where it belongs, she may stop projecting that victim/perpetrator cycle on the present men in her life. These demons are a metaphor for the purgatory she has created for herself. That reality has consequences in the real world, but it need not be real in the tangible sense. Exorcising her demons will require the expenditure of real physical energy and probably the destruction of aspects of her personality. If this ever happens, and it's possible but not probable, then these demons will evaporate. They are only as real as one's personality is real. In short, reality is not the question, it's what you make of the things you feel to be real.