Blogs
Sometimes people have a less than compassionate attitude toward trauma survivors. They may deny the experience, downplay it, blame the victim, or show ignorance. More Than Borderline's, Becky Oberg, discusses these attitudes in this BPD video.
I feel like I am doing a lot of apologizing lately. I am sick of saying: "I am sorry", "Sorry, I did not mean it", "Please forgive me" or this one is creative: "Please, let me steam clean your carpets because I am oh so sorry I called you a choice word when we were fighting...Did you need to borrow any money? Like my new leather boots? Take them. Because, dammit, I am so sorry!"
This is part two of an interview where I explore the inner-world of Electroboy, Andy Behrman. Mr. Behrman speaks candidly about bipolar myths, combating stigma, mania, depression and everything in between. In part one, Mr. Behrman discusses bipolar mania, his use of drugs and alcohol, and hypersexuality.
Counting down to 2013 means different things to different people, but I thought I'd take time out to share Verbal Abuse In Relationships greatest hits in 2012. Thank you for all of your encouragement and support throughout this year! I look forward to meeting more of you in the next 365 days.
Happy New Year! May 2013 be full of support, encouragement and success for all, and your every day filled with love, light, and laughter.
A commenter recently asked about how to handle New Year’s Eve celebrations with bipolar disorder. Basically, she was concerned because her husband wanted to celebrate New Year’s but she would rather sleep through it to keep her bipolar in check.
So the question is, what do you do if you’re feeling pressured into celebrations?
Domestic abuse victims often fall into addiction problems and I did too. I don't know why others develop addictions, but for me, I'd given up on figuring out why I was so miserable. I could not solve the mystery. So I sat on my behind and lost myself in The Sims 2, a video game that allowed me to create a pretend family of my choosing. I became addicted to the video game's fantasy family because I didn't have the energy for anything other than wishful thinking. I let the addiction take me over before I realized I was a domestic abuse victim, and before I could fathom life as becoming enjoyable ever again.
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Talking about holiday stress, this time last year (2011), I was a holiday wreck and my mental health was in shambles. I searched high and low for a reason, any reason, to celebrate the holiday season. But I was still recovering from a severe bout with post-traumatic stress and overlapping bipolar moods that left me anxious, agitated and unemployed. My relationships with nearly everyone important to me, including my wife and children, were suffering in some way. Nothing really made sense to me (least of all happiness) and my ability to reason had temporarily left me.
It was an odd feeling, being so pessimistic and not being able to help it. For the sake of my kids, I always managed to be an instant party in a box! But I could no longer counter my inner darkness by being the light of family photos and dinner parties. There was no energy left for coordinating gift exchanges or any other festivities. I just didn’t have it in me anymore.
When I think of mental illness--my journey sprinting through life alongside it-- I think of the image below. The famous Two Masks. I painted a picture of it, framed it, and gave it to my mother a couple of years ago. The irony was not lost on her. It hangs in the hallway; laughing at me. The masks represent bipolar disorder to me. They represent emotion on a whole--the entire spectrum. Like many people living with chronic mental illness, it's hard to find the parts that define the middle; the sort of happy bits that made us smile but were fleeting.
In 1841, a Boston schoolteacher named Dorthea L. Dix became interested in many social reforms, especially the treatment of the mentally ill. One Sunday, she went to the House of Correction in East Cambridge to hold a Sunday school class for female inmates. She was revolted by the filth, neglect, and despair of the mentally ill people who were held in the jail. She persuaded local authorities to improve the conditions, and began touring Massachusetts to see what needed to be done. In 1843, she wrote a tract called Memorial to the Legislature of Massachusetts, which called for drastic reforms.
If you're in recovery from an eating disorder, you can join me now in a collective sigh of relief. We survived the holidays.
I believe she will only be able to rid herself of her demons, and hopefully her BPD as well, when she's ready to confront the abuse of her father. If she can put the blame where it belongs, she may stop projecting that victim/perpetrator cycle on the present men in her life. These demons are a metaphor for the purgatory she has created for herself. That reality has consequences in the real world, but it need not be real in the tangible sense. Exorcising her demons will require the expenditure of real physical energy and probably the destruction of aspects of her personality. If this ever happens, and it's possible but not probable, then these demons will evaporate. They are only as real as one's personality is real. In short, reality is not the question, it's what you make of the things you feel to be real.