Blogs
Many abuse victims suffer from posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD), me included. The other day in the middle of writing the post about my ex's abusive anger, I had to take an hour break before I could finish it. My body reacted the same way it did when my ex ran up on me--panicky, wobbly, . . . fearful. It helps to know what is happening at times like these. If I didn't know that PTSD influenced me both physically and emotionally, I may think I was just plain stupid for still being this way. As it is, I recognize the PTSD symptom and take necessary steps to ground myself and bring myself back into the present to deal with the PTSD and the memories of abuse.
I'm Jess. I'm twenty seven. I love to take jumping pictures. I have more books than my bookcase can hold, all organized by genre. I sing along to Broadway show tunes while I work. I graduated with a bachelor's degree in Psychology and History and I’m in the process of applying to graduate schools. I have huge heart for people with special needs and mental illnesses.
Oh, and I'm recovering from Anorexia Nervosa.
This is a two-part series where I explore the inner-world of Electroboy, Andy Behrman. Mr. Behrman speaks openly about bipolar disorder, substance abuse, hypersexuality, the Electroboy movie, stigma and of course, his dream of being the first 'omni-sexual male' on Mars.
When I began my website way back in 2008, I chose the title "Verbal Abuse Journals" because, somehow, the word Verbal seemed to soften up the word Abuse. Back then, to me, "Verbal Abuse" was the name of a band or the type of angering insult one might hear from a stranger on the street. Verbal abuse was almost a joke, a simple case of mama-not-teaching-you-how-to-talk-nice, as far as I was concerned. I felt comfortable using the term verbal abuse to help describe my marriage because it wasn't really abuse. It couldn't be scary abuse--it was just an ugly vocabulary. And people can change their vocabulary.
I write this just a few hours after having spoken at a legislative breakfast in Connecticut, where looming budget cuts seem aimed at "saving money" by cutting funding to non-profit agencies that provide needed services to people who have disabilities or disadvantages ranging from poverty to down's syndrome to mental illness...people who, with these services, have a chance to rebuild their dignity, their potential, their futures.
Without these services? The costs are astronomical - financially as well as emotionally. Homelessness, hopelessness, aimlessness, illness relapse, even crime.
And here we are, moments later, hearing the news that another shooting has occured - this time in our own backyard, in Newtown CT. A shooter has opened fire in an elementary school. An elementary school.
Does this have anything to do with untreated mental illness? I have no idea, yet - but it is one of the first things that comes to my mind.
During my own PTSD decades (yes, I struggled for 25+ years!), one of the toughest things for me was having to be around other people when I felt horrible, depressed, anxious, angry, sleep-deprived and just generally dysfunctional.
There are some truly wonderful people out there who are loved ones of people with mental illnesses. These people want to help their loved ones with mental illnesses and many of them read this blog in an effort to understand what it’s like to have a mental illness and how they can help.
It’s a beautiful thing.
So if you’re the loved one of a person with a mental illness, here are some things you might want to think about during the holidays.
When the disease of addiction goes untreated, the ends of this disease are jails, institutions and death. There is hope however when an intervention is possible. This video explores these topics.
If you are like me, you want to make sure those around you are happy. We strive to keep peaceful relationships in our lives and often assist others in need. Hey, we care about them right? The problem is if you always feel compelled to help or overextend yourself, it can come at the expense of your own happiness. That's what usually happens to a people pleaser.
Guilt can mobilize or motivate. Which would you prefer? Guilt is an all too common trigger for anxiety. This video covers what to do about it.
Guilt Can Immobilize
Guilt keeps us stuck when we feel like we are unforgivable. It is so definite, there is no room for anything else. Why try anything or attempt to see yourself another way? You are unforgivable. This thought pattern not only keeps you from healing, it also prevents you from contributing to anyone around you. It can make you anxious, avoid activities and people, and let go of dreams and relationships.
I believe she will only be able to rid herself of her demons, and hopefully her BPD as well, when she's ready to confront the abuse of her father. If she can put the blame where it belongs, she may stop projecting that victim/perpetrator cycle on the present men in her life. These demons are a metaphor for the purgatory she has created for herself. That reality has consequences in the real world, but it need not be real in the tangible sense. Exorcising her demons will require the expenditure of real physical energy and probably the destruction of aspects of her personality. If this ever happens, and it's possible but not probable, then these demons will evaporate. They are only as real as one's personality is real. In short, reality is not the question, it's what you make of the things you feel to be real.