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Mental health is something that matters whether you’re seven, seventeen and seventy, and any of those ages can fall victim to a mental illness. Depression, for example, is quite prevalent and undertreated in the elderly.
But if you’re underage, it may be more difficult than just going to your doctor to start the process of getting help for your mental health. It likely means explaining your mental health concerns to your parents; which, quite reasonably, is scary to a young person. (It’s scary to an old person too, but I digress.)
So how do you tell your parents you think you need mental health help?
As Tiberius said to Caligula, “It is better to be feared than to be loved.”
You history buffs out there will recall that Caligula took these sage words to heart and ruled ancient Rome with a flamboyant accent on intimidation.
Was Caligula crazy? Frankly, it’s too soon to tell. But one thing is certain, in fairy tales, foreign films, comic books and ballads – crazy is way scary yes indeed.
Even bad guys – (guys so bad they would tear the tag off a mattress – so thoughtless and cruel they would blabber away at the top of their lungs in a crowded Starbucks – so insensitive to the fate of our dear mother earth they would purchase and drive a Hummer!) – are frightened by the whackadoomious among us.
Speaking as a card-carrying resident of Cookoopantsatopolis, I am here to tell you that all of us have been overlooking a significant strategic opportunity! Instead of feeling contrite and embarrassed about our disabilities – (or “differences” if you prefer) – let’s flaunt them! Naturally we would all prefer to be loved for who we really are, but candidly, will that be happening soon? I thought not. So, in the interim, let’s find ways to make fear of the mentally ill a wedge in the door that opens up into social acceptance.
It was a perfectly innocent scene--my boys, ages 10 and 3, sitting on the couch watching a mild-mannered cartoon. The three of us watched an animated teenage boy kiss his animated teenage girlfriend--nothing pornographic, just a light peck on the cheek.
And, out of nowhere, the older boy announces:
"I can't wait til I have a girlfriend, 'cuz I'm gonna have sex!"
Aaaaaand that's about when my heart stopped.
Loved ones of those with a mental illness want to understand and help however they can. And I assume those who read my blog are not just those who are diagnosed and living with a mental illness, but also people who are trying to understand the complexity of mental illness--readers who wonder how they may be able to help a person they love. A person that is struggling. There are ways to help even though you cannot understand someone with a mental illness--not really.
Trapped in a world of delusions and alternate realities, our behavior is often bizarre and misunderstood by observers. If people understood this illness, they would be more understanding of the sometimes strange behavior behind it. If they understood that schizophrenia can afflict anyone, even them, they would be more sympathetic towards it.
Given that nearly one of every hundred people become schizophrenic, anyone stands a chance of experiencing it. I have this disease despite there being no history of severe mental illness in my family, only furthering my case that this disease can happen to anyone. This is not a far off illness, but something that once relatively healthy people can experience.
One particularly useful one is the importance of checking your thoughts, looking specifically for "stinking thinking". These thoughts warn us of a likely relapse (alcohol, drugs, self-injury), and it is recommended you change your thoughts.
What is anxiety? People in our culture want to get the definition right. They want to know exactly what they have so they can do something about it. Many times people feel the sympathetic nervous response (the "fight or flight" response beginning with the hormone release from our adrenal glands that increase heart rate and breathing, and gives a burst of energy to our muscles: Biology of Fear) but don't call it anxiety. They call it stress or discomfort. That is fine! It doesn't matter what we call it, we can still do something about it!
Some people consider schizophrenia the most debilitating of mental disorders, and indeed, if you ask almost any unaffected person to describe the disorder, they will probably rattle off symptoms like paranoia, hallucinations, delusions, bizarre outbursts and the like. However, when diagnosed, the symptoms of schizophrenia can be kept at arms length with support from family and friends, medication and therapy.
Bill McPhee is living proof that schizophrenia can be controlled, and those with the disorder can live productive, loving lives.
I’m sitting on my red, plush couch in my living room and I have started crying. Tears well in my eyes at first while I try to convince them not to roll down my face and splash the back of my glasses. As usual, the tears don’t listen and soon my cheeks and lips and chin are wet with saline. I take off my glasses and put them on the wenge coffee table and my head falls into my hands. Loud crying now, choking sobs wrack my body as I feel the pain of illness that I had been pushing away for so long beat me once again.
And I wonder – will it get better?
Mental illness carries stereotypes--no kidding!--these stereotypes lead to stigma, stigma leads to discrimination. It is a nasty cycle that is lessening with the passing years but exists nonetheless.
I believe she will only be able to rid herself of her demons, and hopefully her BPD as well, when she's ready to confront the abuse of her father. If she can put the blame where it belongs, she may stop projecting that victim/perpetrator cycle on the present men in her life. These demons are a metaphor for the purgatory she has created for herself. That reality has consequences in the real world, but it need not be real in the tangible sense. Exorcising her demons will require the expenditure of real physical energy and probably the destruction of aspects of her personality. If this ever happens, and it's possible but not probable, then these demons will evaporate. They are only as real as one's personality is real. In short, reality is not the question, it's what you make of the things you feel to be real.