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Fill in the blank. Commit. Take action toward that goal.
On Facebook, I saw someone who wrote as their status: "Today, I will______ without fear." (hoping their followers would fill in the blank.). But sometimes, I think, we can feel fear and do things anyway. It may be too much of a stretch to do things without fear. If we waited to do something until we had no fear, we may never do it.
I changed it. I am not willing to put my life on hold for fear. Are you?
Today, I Will ______Without Letting Fear Stop Me.
Schizophrenia has allowed me to glimpse into the hellish nightmare of realities and existence beyond the human condition. It has cursed me with falsehoods and phantasms that exist from elsewhere able to defy the human senses. What is this reality that plagues me? Scientists speak of chemical imbalances and psychotropic medication, yet the experience of psychosis feels more spiritual and surreal than any science textbook can describe. The very nature of my illness has allowed me to glimpse into a different dimension, that plagues the afflicted and strikes fear in others.
In last week's post I described the two parts of your brain, how they function, how they're different and how and why talk therapy fails to do the deep work of healing that PTSD requires. After reading that you may wonder: Great, what do I do now??
While there is no single guaranteed way to heal PTSD (we're all different in how we experience trauma and process information and emotion) there are some terrific PTSD treatment processes that can bypass your critical, rational mind and engage your deeper brain in enormously healing ways.
In my last post I shared three tips for having tough conversations with loved ones about your child’s mental illness. If you haven’t had a chance to read them, check them out. Here are my final three tips on how to advocate for your child and get support from others. Tough conversations are hard, but with these tips, people can come around.
I struggle with using the words "narcissist" and "sociopath" and the like in my descriptions of abusers. The words get a lot of online attention and would draw in abuse victims trying to solve the mystery of their lover's nasty behaviors. However, "abusers" do not fall into any specific category in the DSM-IV (the guide psychiatrists use to diagnose mental illnesses). By and large, abusive people are not mentally ill - even though to us normal folks, it sure appears that they are insane.
Due to some of the comments this post received, I want to clarify that I am talking about cases of domestic violence and abuse - two adults who chose to be together initially until one found out the other was abusing them. There is some peace in "diagnosing" your abuser as a sociopath, narcissist, or whatever as a layperson because your research will also show you these people DO NOT CHANGE and IT ISN'T YOUR FAULT they behave the way they do. This helps you to detach from them.
However, if you are a victim of abuse in a domestically violent relationship, then it does no good to wait around out of "loyalty" or "marriage vows" or any other reason if your abuser happens to actually go to a therapist and receive such a diagnosis. You will become disordered if you live with someone with a mental disorder that science has no way to treat or cure.
I recently re-read parts of my journal that I kept while I was in the state hospital system. One recurring theme is the assumption that I was lying. This often impacted my treatment, and often impacts the treatment of other people with borderline personality disorder (BPD).
All good things must come to an end, according to the sage of old, but did you know this also applies to bad things? That’s right! Here’s the shocker; when it comes time to bid a fond adieu to your particular mental health challenge, you may find yourself dragging your heels, gnashing your teeth, dotting your tees, and crossing your eyes.
Ridiculous, you say? Stifling the urge to cough derisive laughter up your sleeve? Well don’t let a little counter-intuition embolden you overly; allow me to share a personal vignette for illustrative purposes.
Adult ADHD relationships can be troubling at times, especially if you and your partner don’t take ADHD symptoms into account. For instance, in my adult ADHD relationship, we have to plan for change. Change can be difficult for some adults with ADHD. I'm not a spontaneous person and changes to plans really ruffle my feathers.
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Common wisdom and social research both tell us that accepting who we are and being open about our sexual identity brings mental health benefits, despite the negative consequences we may experience for doing so. Many of us who have come out LGBT know that coming out as a sexual minority is risky and the consequences are real, particularly in the workplace. We also know that coming out is not a one time thing. It is a never ending process of interacting with others while trying to remain as true to ourselves as possible. Whether it is correcting co-workers who assume the ring on my finger means I have a husband, or telling my boss the woman in the picture frame isn't my sister, we are always making a moment by moment decision about disclosing who we are.
Mothers need to be deeply aware of what they convey to their daughters through the attitudes they model about their own relationship to their bodies, their self-talk about how they look or "ought to" look, and how secure they seem in their choices. When a mother is battling low self-esteem or not even battling because she's unaware it's a root cause of frustration within her life, her daughter is likely to carry this burden as well.
I believe she will only be able to rid herself of her demons, and hopefully her BPD as well, when she's ready to confront the abuse of her father. If she can put the blame where it belongs, she may stop projecting that victim/perpetrator cycle on the present men in her life. These demons are a metaphor for the purgatory she has created for herself. That reality has consequences in the real world, but it need not be real in the tangible sense. Exorcising her demons will require the expenditure of real physical energy and probably the destruction of aspects of her personality. If this ever happens, and it's possible but not probable, then these demons will evaporate. They are only as real as one's personality is real. In short, reality is not the question, it's what you make of the things you feel to be real.