Bipolar Disorder and Ghosting: It's a Big Problem

I have been ghosted twice in my life, by two different people. The first lasted around 5 years, the second is ongoing, but has been several months, with declining contact and then complete ghosting. I believe both were due to a person's system being overwhelmed and shutting down of emotions. It is unknown if mental health issues were formally diagnosed, but through actions, it seems they were likely present in at least one.
I can say that the pain and psychological harm that ghosting causes to the ghosted (and likely the ghoster as well), is significant.
I am a person that has very few close friends/relationships, so to lose people in this way is devastating, and really impacts self esteem in a negative way. I am a person who values people I am close to tremendously, and loves deeply.
In both instances, each person had said that there would never be a time when we weren't in each other's lives, and at a minimum, we would never be less than friends. There was strong connection at all levels and it was a total shock to lose each of these relationships.
In the first relationship, the person did come back to the extent they could, after a period of about 5 years of silence, despite me reaching out in positive ways periodically, over that timeframe.
They only came back when I was finally able to release all expectations and let them go completely.
Haunted by the question: If I let them go, do I lose my ability to love?
To let them go completely, does not mean I stopped loving them, or myself. It means I learned to adapt to the unknown, develop faith and to love them unconditionally, no matter what the outcome was. I learned forgiveness and compassion for them and myself, and focused on all the things that knowing them and our connection gifted me with.
What was this ghoster feeling when they disappeared from my life?
They confirmed that as I was suffering all along, so were they. They confirmed that they loved me deeply all along, just as I loved them, even though they acted as if they hated me. They had to shut down their emotions and put them in a box on a shelf, in order to function and move forward on a chosen path. The emotions were never processed and finally 5 years later, they were opening the box to start processing them in a healthy way. Prior to their return, I did not tell them I had let them go, so I assume they felt a shift when I did, and then felt safe enough to make contact and to start opening the box of their packed up emotions. I welcomed them back with love and compassion, as I knew to open the box again took great courage. In the box lies all the difficulty of their own deeper issues, (things that may have nothing to do with the other person, things from childhood etc.), that were brought to the surface and overwhelmed them when we got too close. Now we are working to resolve past issues as they come up, in a health way. We are able to do this as friends, and it is a relief and blessing to have them in my life again. There are not words to describe it, yet there are still no expectations.
Getting here was a long and lonely road, but was I really alone? How did I get to this new place, when 5 years prior, when the ghosting first happened, I found myself in a place I swore I would never be in (one of complete despair and hopelessness)?
When you're going through hell, keep on going.
I did everything I could to keep myself alive, even though at times, I felt like a shell of who I once was. I hid my suffering from as many of my loved ones, co-workers and friends as I could, as they did not understand, and wanted me to be angry with this person. I was hanging on by a thread for so long, struggling to remain positive and remember all of the gifts. I kept the higher perspective that yes, they destroyed my life, but only to bring out the person I truly am; one that can and does love unconditionally. I focused on all that I needed to heal, partly because I needed to remain focused in order to survive, and partly because I was not going to ever come so close to giving up again.
A new beginning.
I had overcome so much and made so much progress, rebuilding my self esteem and recognizing my self worth. I knew if I could get through this, that I could get through anything. I knew that I would not be afraid ever again to love completely... And so I did.
When person 2 ghosted me, I could once again not believe it, and again was in shock. I had a love for this person I could not explain, loved them unconditionally. That this abrupt ending was only an illusion, because it didn't feel as though it had ended. This person still feels as close to me as they ever have, even though they act now as though I never existed. So again, I let them go and love unconditionally. Maintaining hope, with no expectations.
When I take a closer look in the rearview mirror, I saw warning signs that something else was happening to this person behind the scenes, and there was anxiety and depression having a negative impact on them. Over what I recall to be a very rapid timeframe, they suddenly lost feelings for me. They became seemingly cold and uncaring, when once so understanding, loving and warm. The person I trusted with my life became harsh and pushed me away hard. Periodically, my mind unconsciously wanders to thoughts of those instances, and it hits so hard. The way things happened does not make sense, as everything seemed to be going so well and we were still in the process of getting to know each other and enjoying each other's company. The bond seemed unbreakable. Even though I was in shock, and feel bad that I didn't know enough about the illness at the time to be more supportive, I thought back to the commitment we made to each other to always be in each other's lives. I found comfort in this, knowing that we would always have a close friendship, and maybe one day more. Sadly, they began to not answer my calls very often. We went from daily communication and texts, to almost nothing, over a period of months. I would check in periodically to see if they were ok and also let them know I'm still here for them, no matter what. I would also send pictures and events in my life that I would send to other loved ones as well. First they seemed to value that, but little by little, the responses got shorter and shorter, until they stopped responding completely. Though I am working hard to stay positive during this process, I recognize I love and miss this person very much.
Loving them is the easy part.
Letting them go is the hard part.
I want very much to spend time with them again, talking, laughing, doing things we enjoy and showing them how much they are loved and valued. Yet I have to let all of that go and trust the unknown. I don't know if person 2 will ever come back into my life, but I have hope they will. I have hope they can overcome their illness and learn to love themselves. I have hope that I can survive the pain the ghosting has caused, the waking up at 1:30am and realizing again and again that they chose me out of their life. I have at times even wished that I could blame myself, as maybe there was something I said or did, or maybe I was too intense and it triggered them... but there is no logical explanation to why a person who loves you could ghost you and pretend you don't exist, because it is not logical; it's an illness that presents itself periodically.
When all of the difficulty on both sides is stripped away, I wish I could tell you, that the illness is not who you are, who you are is your soul, and nothing can take that away from you.
I wish I could tell you how much you are loved, no matter what.
To those who suffer from being ghosted, please take care of yourself.
It's ok to love unconditionally and hold space for your loved one. Equally, tell them gently and honestly that shutting down and ghosting hurts you and set loving boundaries.
To help you through this trauma, make a plan with things that keep you alive through the pain you feel. Basic things like exercise, eating healthy, sleeping when you can, writing, and doing things that make you feel a little better, and do these things religiously every day. Focus on what the separation is showing you, that needs healing in yourself, because perhaps it is a gift. Through it, you will become more of who you truly are.
To both the ghoster and the ghosted, please remember who you truly are, and remember that no matter if it feels that all is lost; in this life, we are never truly alone. Even in the illusion of separation, and in the shadow of an illness, we are not alone. This too shall pass.
Remember to be the light that you are.

Hi everyone
I’m dealing with a very hurtful situation and not sure what to do or say. My daughter has been diagnosed with bi polar. We talk on the phone nearly every day and face time as we are in two different countries. Recently she just blocked me on messenger I can’t call video or text. She told my sister that she needed her space that I trigger her. My sister told her to unblock me and this was not acceptable. I left it for a few days but then tried to call her again and I was unblocked but the response I got later was yes mom? Told her I was just checking in to see how she was and I loved her…no response. It’s killing me inside and makes we question so many things. Any suggestions?

I am not sure if a bipolar spouse would come back to her true feelings after medication. My wife is insisting on divorce and yet insists that we stay friends, she will see the shrink tomorrow and just hope she would be back to normalize her cartoonish thoughts (with all respect)
I am not sure what to expect after the therapy

I’ve (21/any pronouns/college student) been talking to someone (23/they/she/full time work) for almost 2 months (started 8/20/22), we met on bumble and talked for a solid 3 weeks before moving to text then to snapchat, sending each other long videos talking about our days and our lives. She even told me that she had bpd and i was okay with that since she said that they go to a therapist and a psychiatrist. So i was confident that they can handle it, they also have 2 cats and a dog while working full time so i was confident that she was doing very well handling it. I really like them and thought we were connecting super well. Up until recently, i sent videos last night (responding to what they had sent), we decided to make plans to go on a date for the first time! we were talking about things to do and when we’d met up which would have been this Saturday (10/15/22). i was super excited until i checked snap and saw they haven’t responded to me in almost 24 hours. i thought it was strange but we tend to respond a few hours between because of our schedule and thought oh she must be busy. However, i saw that they opened my videos but never responded. I took a closer look and saw that my snapchat was saying that i wasn’t friends with them anymore on there, i kept trying to friend them back but it wouldn’t work then tried typing their user but wouldn’t show up. Which means that she blocked me on snap….(also deleted bumble profile) So i went to our text messages and sent a message asking if “she’s ok?” and “i’m here if you need to talk, just let me know” but still no response all day. So i’m unsure if she’s ghosting and/or blocked me cause she’s not interested anymore; but i’m thinking she could be having a depressive episode or something. she mentioned having a psychiatrist and therapy appointment on the same day and she was drained and she just got over having covid and missing work for 5 days so i’m unsure if she’s just having a bad time right now and doesn’t want to talk or she just doesn’t like me anymore. I haven’t had this issue until asking about the date stuff but she genuinely seemed excited to go on a date as well and she talked about future date ideas. I’m just in a funk and confused? i’m unsure of what to do, should i give her a few more days to respond or just drop it? we’re supposed to go on a date Saturday but it’s probably not happening anymore. I just can’t figure out if it’s a bipolar thing cause she’s not medicated or she just doesn’t like me anymore and didn’t want to tell me :( i’d appreciate any insight that anyone has, i’m just so bummed and confused.

Thanks, this article helped putting some things in perspective, but I'm still at a loss. I'm pretty convinced my girlfriend has bipolar, but she's never been diagnosed. A lot of symptoms match, but not all of them.
I'll tell my story, hoping someone will be able to tell me their thoughts or give some advice.
I’m 41. I’ve been with my girlfriend for about a year. It took a while for the relationship to take off, because she’s been through an insane amount of trauma throughout her life, and over the past few years especially: her dad (undiagnosed bipolar) took his life, she got divorced, her highly successful career fell apart, and other heavy stuff.
She rebuilt herself as a highly independent woman, taking care of her two children and a new business she started (which she’s very passionate about but it’s not generating enough income thus far which is super scary), and was really not looking for anything serious. Nevertheless, love found us, and it was so special and right, that my patience paid off. We’ve lived an insane amount of stuff over our time together. We became partners, best friends, I developed an amazing relationship with her kids, and things between us were generally amazing. Except that at times, it would still come up that it wasn’t the life she had planned (she left an unhappy marriage that made her feel trapped, and she wanted to be a solo, independent woman), and every so often she would say that she can’t give me what I want (proper commitment). But things would always get better, and everything just felt right.
She's also often in a dark, sad place and feels desperate with a total lack of motivation or taste for life, but she’s a generally functional person (she has to, for her kids), so she would always manage to stand up again after a really bad day, and be active. So it's never the 'two weeks in bed completely paralyzed' kind of situation that I often read about, which has me wondering.
We had a terrible phase in the spring, she broke up with me, and we were apart for about 6 weeks. She said and did some things that were super hurtful, and I was a complete, utter mess (had to take xanax for the first time in my life).
She was having a huge manic episode, so she was very confident in what she was doing, no second thoughts. Again, she’s never been diagnosed, but so many things made it a textbook case of bipolar mania (poor judgement, hypersexuality, recklessness with her money, heightened productivity, etc.).
Through a series of circumstances, things eventually improved, and we had a perfect few months after that.
The past month however, took a huge toll on us. Some things (outside of our couple) highly triggered her, she felt she had to focus more on the kids and the business, and there was a communication breakdown, while communicating had always been one of our fortes.
Now she dumped me again, saying she can’t give me what I want, can’t be faithful (a desire for promiscuity/an open relationship seems to be a recurring thing during these phases), needs to be alone and focus on herself, the kids and the business, etc. There are other signs of mania (heightened productivity, irritability, raging - even though that never gets insane: she's not a violent person, and we normally have a positive, loving dynamic). It's been a lot of ghosting, with no willingness for dialogue. I feel invisible.
I don’t know how to deal with this. I would accept it and let it go, if what we had (minus these phases) wasn’t so rare and special. Believe me, I’m not delusional, what we have at our core really is all that. I’m hearing all this crap now, whereas only a few weeks back, all I was hearing was, I’m a gift, I’m perfect for her, she’s committed to me, we’re better together, my presence is awesome for the kids, etc.
It seems like she’s punishing herself, and is unable to love herself and to be kind to herself (she told me 'it's way too late for me to be kind to myself). She feels that she can’t give. But that’s completely at odds with how everything looks when things are normal. I’m scared that since this is the second such episode in 4 months, it could be more permanent than the one in the spring. Like, even if she comes out of the mania…she would feel discouraged, or would simply prefer to get over it and move on, convincing herself that she's meant to be alone.
Now she's saying she's good and optimistic, but isn't really reaching out. Other than saying she misses me too, she's saying the space is good for her.
So I'm trying to understand what's going on, and besides some super heavy trauma she's been through and some boundary issues, so many things seem to match with bipolar: phases where she's obsessed with being productive, skewed judgment and paranoia, opinions about us changing radically, symptoms of hypersexiaulity and a strong desire for independence, a sense of feeling great which seems temporary, and irritability. And then, the underlying feeling of sadness and despair, pessimism, and lack of joy or motivation, even though none of that is necessarily obvious on the surface.
Any thoughts or comments would be greatly appreciated!

Im glad i found this page! My teen is grieving her sudden breakup from her bipolar boyfriend. "Ghosted" is an understatement. Their energies matched so perfectly. They were like 2 peas in a pod. So perfect together that after a week of being a public couple, ppl were voting for them as homecoming queen and king. Then he started distancing himself. Instead of hugging her back, he would shove her away. His snaps diminished over the course of a week, he ignored her in the hall. Then he texted her and said he was under severe stress, sports every day, having to get straight a's, being new in high school. Plus he had a torn ligament that had just that day re tore. I spoke to his mom, who also said that he talked to her about how much he loved my daughter, but when he has a girlfriend he wants to give all his attention to her, and he didnt have time to give, plus he was a mess with bipolar. I cannot imagine how much worse this poor kid will get before he is even 21. Thats 7 yesrs away! Already he has left a trail of broken hearts a mile long, and is already going to a dance he had asked my daughter to, with another girl. My daughter is SO CONFUSED!
Any advice is welcome. I hate to see her suffering.

I am going through something similar, the only difference is my gf is medicated and she is aware of her mood swings, lows and highs. When we started dating we each had our own lives doing our own routines, but the closer we got the slowly we became co-dependent, and we started to spend all our time together practically we were living together. At first everything was easy and stable, love and communication was flowing. Then she hit a low episode, where she even was scared for her own life, over the last 4-5 weeks she continued to stay with me and we wouldn't talk much, I was just taking care of her basic needs such as food ,and support. Then unfortunately I got a job on a different state. At first everything was easy, myself I had insecurities because I've been cheat on, and she was so helpful reassuring everything. we continued to talk everyday all day, until one day after she went out on her own, and got drunk, next day she was silent like she's never been before, no contact, she called me that night but I noticed she was different, I tried to help, but she just pushed me away, she continued to communicate when she talked to her male friends Saying" ey I am talking to my X and Y friend" I just want you to know. Then she continued to ghost me, but my insecure persona tried to help and be there for her, until one day she called and told me that she was going through a low and she was sorry for being distant and that she needed space, so I gave it to her, no contact at all. she also told me that I need to learn that I am not her only support person. We did not talk at all for the rest of the week, until on Saturday I decided to call her, she was distant and quiet, then I proceeded to start a convo but it didn't work, I asked her if she was gonna visit me but she said " no I don't think I can" then I proceeded to ask when? and she said maybe October. We hung up the call and she texted sayin " hey I am just feeling disconnected and off, and I need space right now, I am sure its just a phase, sometimes confiding to you can be draining because not everything needs to be intense, I feel like I am loosing myself to you and making my days around you I need space for now" I didn't reply, but at 3 am she told me ey wanna fall asleep on facetime tmw? I didnt reply until next day " and I just said I would like to" then on sunday she texted me and called me, we even ft for a while, she got my some stuff I needed and then we proceeded to talk about the incidents and how sometimes when shes going down to a low, she need someone she can rely on, and we she saw I was emotionally strong cuz I was worried she went even more low, I apologized for bringing my insecurities so often, I told her I was going to be better. Shes was like sometimes I need to isolate to recover and I want you to know that even if we dont talk for a week, or even a month I still love you and I want to be with you and have a family etc. she also stated that since Ive moved out she realized that all the progress she made and I made was based on each others presence, and when that was taken away she was to square 0 so she was trying to get back up but she didnt wanted to generate a codependency, because she want to figure out herself I agreed, because I need to work on me. Also she said that we dont have to call eachother all day, that its healthy we have our own routine. we agreed and we been doing that. After sunday we have barely talked. short and minimal texting but I know she talks to other people (friends)
but its taken the best of me because a wanna talk to her and be a better support I just dont know what to do

Hi everyone,
I just read all the comments on this page, and for the first time in 2 weeks I feel less alone. At the same time, my heart bleeds for every one of you who is experiencing exactly the same thing as me.
My boyfriend and me are together for 4 years. I fell for him because he was the kindest guy I met in years. But already in the beginning of our relationship, some things were not quite right. After a month of dating he dissapeared for the first time. Nothing happened, no fight or anything between us. He just ghosted me from one day to the other. A few weeks later, he called, and said that he had a panic attack, related to the trauma from his ex girlfriend. I believed him. But from then on, he dissapeared every few weeks/months. For days, weeks, or one time even 3 months. Also, some times he suddenly could become very angry, out of nowhere. When I asked:"this isn't from trauma from your ex girlfriend, is it? Please be honest with me, what is wrong exactly?". He answered:"I don't know. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed"
I'm a highly sensitive person myself, I know what it feels like to be overwhelmed. But I never ghost people.
So I knew that he wasn't telling the truth.
And then the years passed. The silent treatments kept happening every few months.
And then this summer was better. He seemed more consistent, no more silent treatments or angryness anymore. But then, suddenly, 2 weeks ago, he cancelled last minute for a date with a very cold, distant whatsapp message. 3 days before he was still loving and kind, so I was shocked. But I stayed calm and loving and I replyed that I was dissapointed that he cancelled only our date. But not al the hangouts with his friends that same week. (He spends a loooot of time with his friends, but I've never made that a problem) I also replied that his mood seemed totally off all of a sudden, and that I was worried. I asked if we could talk about it and I even put a heart in the reply, to show him that I was not angry. But one second later, he blocked me on whatsapp and phone (not on social media). He has never blocked me in 4 years, so I am shocked.
At first I thought he had a very low mood again. But then I saw on IG that he was spending time with his friends, and was laughing (he is 46 years old). And I heard his yogateacher who said:"He acts as if everything is fine, he comes to yoga class every day", and seeing/hearing that was even more traumatizing. I'm completely shocked and heartbroken and I can't believe this is happening. I'm blocked/ghosted for more than 2 weeks now. I've been nothing but the kindest girlfriend in those 4 years, he said himself a couple of times that "I'm the kindest person he knows". So ... why is he doing this? During those 4 years there were a lot of times that I thought:"Maybe he is bipolar?", but one time I asked him this and he became so angry that I didn't mention it ever again. But now, with reading all those comments, I think he is bipolar indeed. 😔

I run the other direction when bipolar issues start flying. I was born with a severe autoimmune chronic lung disease. It takes very little to send me to the hospital. I feel sorry for bipolar people. If they refuse to get help and therapy and are in the middle of a 4-alarm storm, I run the opposite direction and call the police to get them out of my home and away from me. I wish it wouldn't be this way, but I have been threatened by one specific bipolar out of control person. I am 68. I am tired. I now own a firearm.

I have been seeing a person with bipolar for the past 6 months. Things had been going great we where very open about our own struggles had great communication and conversation. The last time we hung out we had an amazing night and morning everything was great then i went on a holiday when I got back and got a message that took me by surprise. They didnt want to be in a partnership anymore only friends for a few listed reasons (One being under immense pressure from work which i understand stress can lead to a withdraw). Then cut off communication other then the occasional email back and forth. We havent seen eachother for over a month and never had a conversation other then through text since. They are someone i deeply care about and we are meeting soon for lunch and a concert we had bought tickets for. Wondering what is the best strategy for me to help support them and make them feel comfortable in whatever capacity our friendship takes from here. Also being aware it is tough on my own mental health processing the emotions that go along with someone withdrawing like this.

I was ghosted by me neighbor who has bipolar disorder it hurt a lot
She was a user and entitled anytime she needed something she would ask for my help I would oblige, then one day when I couldn’t take her call she got mad and decided to “ghost” me even though I tried calling her back to see if everything was ok. Sorry I can’t be at her every beck and call waiting on her needs hand and foot I was in class when she called twice in a row. When she would get what she wanted she would toss me to the side I forgave her many times and told myself it’s ok, well it’s NOT ok not acceptable. When I texted her the next day to ask her if everything was ok since I missed her call she said “she’s busy” excuse me she’s a stay at home mom I work all week and have an entire home to manage as well as personal appointments to keep every day after work… who called who to bother them? She called me it wasn’t the other way around so when you say your “busy” don’t blow up my phone the day before because I am 10 times more busy than you are juggling my career, house work and personal responsibilities while you are a stay at home mom who looks at her window and spies on our neighbors all day long. Anyway now she does not speak to me she ignores me and if she sees me she pretends as if I am dead and put a sticker on her car that says “not today satan” lady are you talking to me? She has issues she’s a user throws people to the side when she gets what she needs out of them and if you can’t take her call one time she will discard you as if you never existed in her phone book or life. She will go to hell for her ghosting and say hi to satan every day in her afterlife for the hurt she has caused becuse I was nothing but nice and helpful to her and all I got in return was a slap to the face, very hurtful and rude. I never ever once asked her to help me I am very self sufficient she always needed my help and now I am ghosted. That’s why I decided to no longer help people who are users.

My mom has a mental illness she's not making an appointment to see a therapist and I would like her to make an appointment to see one she has a doctor and she's not telling her doctor she has a mental illness and I would like her to stop talking to me and no longer come in my room. Calls all her sisters on her phone and tells them there's bugs in parasites in the house and there is not and she comes in my room and tells me that nonsense and there is no bugs and parasites in my room and I'm getting sick of her stupid bug and parasite nonsense.

I realize how I have been ghosting so much person ! How hurtful it surely have been for them, and I feel for me a kind of auto-sabotage.
When I think about it, maybe it felt like a need for space, and that's what I expressed, but I don't think that's the point. Maybe because I prefer living with people around, I came to attribute it to a lack of communication due to depressive state. A lack of communication and of self esteem, that makes you feel you don't belong here, with these (amazing) people. And as you don't feel at your place anywhere better being alone, plus it avoid these people you esteem so much seing you in such a shameful state, or being a weight for them. And because at this moment you don't know how to communicate, and just trying to think about how you could reply, and if you have to justify, if you should lie or explain a so complicated, obscure and intimate at once part of yourself, and all of this makes you so anxious but you can't choose a solution, you just try to avoid it. And that can often appear a disinterest in others or lack of empathy, while it's avoidance.
That's personally how I live ghosting from my side, and these are neither excuses nor reasons, just an attempt to make it understandable.
My advices if someone like me is ghosting you ? Not sure it's the good think to do with every person with bipolar, I can just try to analyze what have made that some of my friends achieved to keep a relation with me over time and help me live a social life while having my disorder.
And first of all is look after you, don't neglect your needs (emotional, affective..) in order to help a bipolar person, it won't do good to any of you. You can try to work over things together and ameliorate, but don't expect it to happen, at least don't count on it. This can be a hard to find balance in a relation where commitment is needed..
But if the relationship, whereas sometime chaotic, is good for you, taking into account the disorder can help you two a lot. What I observed : Showing that what you seek when your friend doesn't respond during a long time is not a justification, just that you care/miss about her/him. What I observed eased this is like sending a message about a specific interest you share, that has nothing to do with your preoccupation about him/her or his state. This opens to him an easy way to answer and break the ghosting.
You can let her/him know how his distance hurt your feelings, but maybe more at a moment the other person is comfortable communicating and has some self-esteem. Make it clear it's because you like your relationship that it hurt, not because he's a mess, and that instead of closing on himself he can count on you when in a down period. The proposal here is very helpful, but you also have to establish your personal boundaries if you come to a situation where you are effectively supporting him/her, because the risk is he/she will always be at unease abusing your help and feel a burden, or effectively abuse it without being able to open the communication on it to solve this. So setting clearly your boundaries in support is a win win.
I'm sorry if the text look too much like I'm giving you the solutions listen to me, whereas writing in this form is easier for me than expressing at the first person what I lived and what I concluded worked the best for me. But don't be mistaken, it's nothing more than the second option.