For Your Eyes Only

Have you ever sat down, discouraged and out of steam, stuck and with a sense of hopelessness about your relationship? Have you ever felt like you needed to express what you felt? Have you ever taken the opportunity to write some notes to yourself about how you are feeling, even the feelings you feel uncomfortable sharing with anyone? Do you feel a lack of freedom to fully express yourself?

I recommend writing a "for your eyes only" journal. Journaling creates a sense of freedom of expression. It is an excellent way to document your innermost thoughts and feelings of the moment.

"Why would I want to do that?"

• LoveNote. . . The worst prison would be a closed heart. ~ Pope John Paul II

One of the best ways to expedite release and healing is by keeping a daily journal. There are many other exciting possibilities to look forward to by journaling. It can truly be an adventure in self-discovery.

Buy a journal or hardbound notebook. They are available at most book stores or card and party shops. It is a book with blank pages. Another idea would be to open up a special file in your computer and call it "My Journal." You may want to hide it deep within your hard disk so only you know where it is or put a special name on the file that only you know.

Then, begin to write. Write what happened, what you did, what your love partner did, how you felt and how you are feeling now, what you think, what your assessment of the situation is, what would have to happen for things to get better, and whatever comes into your mind. Write anything and everything.

Journaling is an opportunity to get down and dirty. Tell the truth from your perspective. And be clear that what you write is only your opinion of what happened. From where your love partner stands, there is always another opinion. Get it all out on paper where you can see it.

• LoveNote. . . It is not necessary to love everything about yourself to like who you are! ~ Karin Owen

No one need read your journal but you. However, it could come in handy if you choose to enroll in therapy. To assist you best, your therapist needs to know everything relevant to why you chose therapy, what your issues are and more. A journal can be your ready reference about how you felt and how you are feeling now.

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It is a time for self-honesty. Expressing your deepest feelings, in writing and in your own words, is good therapy. Journaling will help you get your thoughts and feelings out of your head so you can deal with them with your heart. It helps to make your thoughts tangible; it makes them more easily accessible to you for closer scrutiny. It is easier to deal with something you can see and touch.

I often review what I have written five or six months previously and discover that I no longer feel that way or I may think, "I can't believe I had such a hard time with that situation."

Journaling helps you keep track of your progress. It reveals hot spots, the areas in your relationship that need healing.

Give up writing to make yourself look good. Quit worrying about writing the right thing. Write whatever pops into your head and write it however it expresses itself on paper.

Remember, it is a time for self-honesty. Keep your integrity intact. You must keep your word with yourself before you can trust yourself to keep your word with someone else.

Sometimes the truth is ugly. If the truth hurts, maybe you should be grateful. At least it got your attention.

I have often found that what hurts the most or what I want to look at the least, is what I most need to handle first. I have learned that what you resist, persists.
Never use time as an excuse. This is important. Take time!

Keeping a daily journal contributes to you! Carry your journal with you. When a thought that you feel the need to express hits you, take a moment and write it down. You can always expound on it later.

Journaling is a healthy way of expressing yourself so you can get to know you better.

• LoveNote. . . Love becomes the ultimate answer to the ultimate human question. ~ Archibald Macleish

next: Maturity in Relationships