Communicating Assertively

The way you speak, the words you use, reflect your level of assertiveness. Learn how to communicate assertively.

The following are suggestions regarding the language of assertiveness.

• "I" statements:
  I think...
  I feel...
  I want...

• Statements of Personal Reference and Personal Meaning:
  "This is the way I see it"
  "In my opinion..."
  "This is how I feel"
  "This is what it means to me"

• Statements of Request:
  "I" want...
  "I" need...

• Statements offering compromise:
  "I" would like this...
  What would you like?
  "I" think...What do you think?
  "What would be an acceptable compromise?"
  "Can we work this out--What time is agreeable to you?"

• Asking for time:
  "I'd like to discuss this in an hour"
  Taking time to think, know what you want to be different,
  thinking of compromise, etc.

• Asking for clarification--instead of ASSUMING.

• AVOID demanding and blaming statements:
  You make me...
  You think...
  You should/shouldn't...
  It's your fault...
  Don't you think...
  If only you would...

Specific Verbal Skills

• "I" think statements

• Broken record--repeating what you want, persistence

• Acknowledge what other is saying, then repeat your view, opinion, need, etc.

• Provide feedback--respond to what other person is saying

Language Formula

• I feel--state your feeling

• When (describe behavior)

• Because (concrete effect or consequence on your situation)

• I'd prefer (offer compromise)