Problem Solving Inside a Relationship

Solving problems in a relationship is fundamental to its success. Here are the basic steps to problem-solving and keeping your relationship on track.

Problem-solving has a time and a place. Problem-solving has an agenda. Problem-solving is task-oriented; it is not a power struggle. Problem-solving has two distinct phases: a problem definition phase and a problem solution phase.

When defining a problem:

• Be specific (refer to what both partners can observe)
• Be brief
• Express your feelings about the behavior which is the subject of the conflict

When solving problems:

• Brainstorm solutions
• Evaluate their costs and benefits to each partner and to the relationship
• Decide on the best solution
• Be willing to compromise; problem-solving involves give-and-take

Also, when defining and solving problems:

• Discuss only one problem at a time
• Paraphrase what you hear your partner saying and check the accuracy of your paraphrase

Remember, the attitude with which you approach problem-solving is very important. Problem-solving requires collaboration and problem-solving requires that each problem being discussed is seen as a mutual problem.