Facet # 6 - Metaphysical

"What I have found is that in many instances even though the levels that I can see, that I am conscious of, are mostly dysfunctional - arising out of the false beliefs and fears of the disease of Codependence - on deeper levels there are right on reasons for behaviors for which I was judging myself.

As one simple example . . . when I started to learn about Codependence, I used to really beat myself up because I found that I was still looking for her, even though I had learned about some of the dysfunctional levels of that longing.

I had learned that as long as I thought that I needed someone else to make me happy and whole I was setting myself up to be a victim.   I had learned that I was not a frog who needed a princess to kiss me in order to turn into a prince - that I am a prince already, and just need to learn to accept   that state of Grace, that princeness.

I had come to understand that those levels of my longing were dysfunctional and Codependent - and I judged and shamed myself because I could not let go of the longing for her.

But as my awakening progressed I realized that there were right on reasons for that longing, for that endless aching need that I felt.

One of those right on levels was that the longing was a message concerning   my very real need to attain some balance between the masculine and feminine energy within me - which begets dysfunctional behavior when it is projected, focused, outward as I had been taught to do in childhood.

And on a much deeper level I came to understand that I am - and have been, ever since polarization - looking for my twin soul."

From my earliest memories in this lifetime I had experienced her occasional presence in my dreams.   I have never been able to retain a clear visual image of her upon awakening, but the echo of the memory of how it felt to be with her has been with me   always.   I very rarely brought it to conscious awareness, or spent time thinking about her, but the sensation of her haunted me.   I would catch myself looking for her as I walked down a street or shopped in a store - anywhere and everywhere.   The looking was seldom a conscious process - it was almost as if some part of my deepest being was always watching, always waiting.

When I began my recovery process, my healing, it had been necessary for me to become conscious of the dysfunctional attitudes I had learned about relationships in childhood.   That was when I became aware that on some levels my looking for her was about the princess and frog syndrome.   That is, the false belief that I needed a princess to love me before I could be whole.   It was society's reversed perspective on life that had led me to believe that someone outside of myself was necessary to full-fill me.   That attitude is dysfunctional because it is a set-up.   As long as I was giving other people the power to make me whole, I was doomed to be a victim.

Once I started to erase the old tapes about needing some her to make me okay, I started to awaken to the Truth that Spiritually I am a prince.   I started to realize that only through healing my wounded soul could I become conscious of my wholeness.   When I committed myself to Spiritual purpose and growth, and let go of the false belief that I needed some one else to fix me, then I realized that only in health and wholeness could I Truly give myself in a relationship.   Only by learning to access Love for myself could I share that Love with another person.

It was after I accepted that I was the only person who could fix me, that I became aware of a deeper level from which the looking for her impulse originated.   I started to understand how humans have attempted to apply Spiritual Truths to physical existence, and how confused we had become because of this reversed thinking.   That was when I realized that, although the levels of thinking that I had to find her to be whole were dysfunctional, there was a deeper level where the impulse came out of Truth.   That Truth was that my soul was looking for it's other half.   The polarization of the lower mind, and subsequent reversal of the Earths energy field of consciousness, had caused my twin soul and I to be torn apart sixty-six thousand years ago.   I came to realize that an important part of the evolutionary process was the awakening of my soul to wholeness so that my twin soul and I could be reunited.   And that our reunion was not necessary for becoming whole - but rather that becoming conscious of wholeness, of Oneness within, was necessary for that reunion to take place.

The Dance of the Wounded Souls Trilogy   Book 1 - "In the beginning . . . "

Everything is cause and effect. Everything comes from somewhere.   The dysfunctional, codependent, twisted, distorted perspective of Romantic Relationships ultimately goes back to a longing for our twin soul.   We all have a twin soul.   We each also have several soul mates.   It is not bad or wrong to long for them. It is dysfunctional for us to expect them to show up in this lifetime - and if they do show up to expect that that means everything will go smoothly.   We have a lot of Karma to settle - there is work to do to make any Romantic Relationship work for us.

next: Facet # 7 - Reasons to take the Risk