The Nasty Task of Breaking Up with a Nice Person

Your friends like him and your family already sees him as, well, family. But the problem is that you feel lukewarm about him. You often beat yourself up about not liking him more because he’s just an all-around nice guy, and what’s not to like about him? Unfortunately, love works in funny ways and this particular decent guy isn’t tugging at your heart strings.

Breaking up with anyone is tough, but it’s even harder when that person is a nice person. After all, nobody wants to look like the bad guy. Last week, I wrote about The Mistake of Settling in a Relationship and examined a few reasons why people settle and some signs you may be settling. So if you know you are, in fact settling, now what? You can either stick it out in hopes that somehow this person will magically transform into the man/woman of your dreams, or you can do something about it.

And that something often involves the nasty task of breaking up. Only you will know if the relationship is worth working on, or if it is time to let go. If there’s more chemistry in a high school lab than in your relationship, then you might need to consider parting ways. I was in this exact position with my long term ex-boyfriend; he was a nice guy and we even had a lot of the same friends, but I just wasn’t feeling it and knew he wasn’t right for me.

Things to Think About When Considering Breaking Up:

• “Nice” isn’t good enough. Toilet seats can be nice. A chocolate bar can be nice. But a partner should be more than “nice.”
• Don’t worry what other people think. Your real friends will understand that you have to do what’s right for you. Besides, they aren’t dating him, you are.
• If the relationship is one-sided (i.e. if he thinks everything is hunky dory and you don’t), is it fair to lead him on and not return his affections?
• You are not a bad person for wanting to find the real Mr. Right.

After I broke up with Mr. Nice Guy, I sometimes missed his companionship, and it was definitely awkward at social events when we bumped into each other, but things got better with time. You know you made the right decision when you feel liberated. No more having to feign interest and put time and effort into something that was going nowhere.

Besides, your Mr. Nice Guy is someone else’s Mr. Right, so throw that fishie back in the pond and try again. Karma, of some sort, will thank you. And, in time, you will thank yourself.