In order to set boundaries, we have to believe we are worth having boundaries. We must believe that we have the right not to be violated. We must have the self-esteem to say no.

It hurts to have borderline personality disorder (BPD), especially when trauma is a factor. However, people can cause what's called secondary wounding--that is, they can hurt by a person by their reactions when he/she turns to them for help. In her book I Can't Get Over It, Dr. Aphrodite Matsakis writes "Some victims reported that their secondary wounding experiences were more painful and devastating than the original traumatic event."

Even a bad decision has its usefulness! More Than Borderline's Becky Oberg talks about how bad decisions give us the experience to make good decisions.

How she got a job on our unit, I'll never know. When I was a patient on the borderline personality disorder (BPD) unit at Larue D. Carter Memorial Hospital in Indianapolis, we had a patient-led group. Staff stayed out of this group; it was strictly for us. L (name withheld) didn't care. She came into the group, and when we protested, accused us of "plotting against staff" and said we needed to "respect my authority." This was not going to end happily.

I have two nephews, Des and Landon, that I dote on considerably. During Thanksgiving, I visited Landon at his parents' house, Landon wanted to show me everything ("Fish!  Tree!   Light!") and gave me one of his toys.  When I visited Des at my parent's house, I held out my arms and he screamed--he thought I was a stranger since I'm not around him every day. Two one-year-olds.  Two different phases of development. So what does this have to do with borderline personality disorder (BPD)? Just as two one-year-olds may differ, so people with BPD may differ. There is no one way to have BPD.

You know how you sometimes have nightmares about monsters? Something like that happens to me. You know how the monsters lie to you? They lie to me, too, and sometimes I believe them. Sometimes I think that if I hurt myself, the monsters will leave me alone. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don't, but every time I hurt myself things get worse. I go to treatment--usually outside the hospital, but sometimes inside--to make sure the monsters don't win.

Many people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) have experienced traumatic events. Recently, my therapist and I decided to work on some of the trauma I've faced in my life. Short version: it didn't go well. I began having horrific flashbacks, strong urges to self-injure, and was irritable. We agreed that we should stop talking about the trauma for a while and focus on mastering coping skills. It took me a while to realize it's not a failure on my part. Sometimes, the healing process can do more harm than good.

Borderline personality disorder does get better if you work at it. You are worth the wait.

Sometimes alternative medicine can be just as effective, or even more effective, than mainstream medicine.

I went for four months without medical treatment that I received within four days of my transfer to LaRue D. Carter Memorial Hospital. The major difference between the two state hospitals is that LaRue receives some private funding--which made for better conditions.