When Being a Pushover Becomes a Problem

Being a pushover isn't what I expected to happen when I refused to acknowledge my anxiety. But slowly I began to sink into a puddle, losing my spine. I felt like I was becoming the world's biggest pushover because my ability to trust and express my opinions disappeared. Once I realized I was letting this happen, I started asking myself questions in an attempt to get better. Where did being a pushover start? How has it affected me? How can I stop being a pushover?

Being a Pushover Started in Childhood

Adults pulled me in different directions when I was a child, and I was never quite sure to what extent I was allowed to speak up. Sometimes when I stood up for myself, I was cruelly shut down. I wanted to avoid that feeling as much as possible, so I began to let people walk all over me.

Eventually, that was just something I let the people I loved do. My first real relationship was built on a foundation of me accommodating and ignoring abusive behavior. I was an easy target.

Why Was I Okay with Being a Pushover?

Being a pushover allowed me to ignore my anxiety. After all, I didn't have to find a solution for the problem when I thought that other people were my issue. I could be lazy and blame other people for all the reasons why I wasn't happy.

Depression and self-esteem played a significant role in my attitude, too. I didn't think I was worth much, so I didn't want to scare people away. I thought that if I stood up for myself, I would run off the only people who cared about me.

Then, I realized the people who truly cared about me would not be scared away when I became a stronger person. They would be happy to see me making positive changes in my life.

How Will I Stop Being a Pushover?

Putting a stop to being a pushover has not been easy. It's an ongoing process, and I'm not sure when I will honestly feel "good enough." The key is to take small steps in my recovery from anxiety, depression, and poor self-esteem.

My first step was to put myself out there more. I took up workout classes so that I could feel more confident in my body and meet some other women with common interests. So far, it's been a helpful step.

Next, I want to focus on strengthening my relationships. I want to show that I am an equal, not a bystander. I will never again let my self-esteem keep me in a relationship in which I am not valued.

Learning to Say What You Mean

Watch my video about learning to stand up for myself. Then, let me know how you deal with learning not to be a pushover.