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I’m useless in the afternoon. My functional, working hours are extremely limited. And this is thanks to my bipolar disorder. It’s like every character I type and every minute that goes by zaps just a little bit more of me until, by mid-day, there’s nothing left.
This is hugely disheartening. I want to be like everyone else. In fact, I want to be like me a few years ago – me when I worked a full day – like everyone else.
But the fact of the matter is, I’m not like everyone else in this regard. In this regard I’m limited. In this regard I’m disabled.
I'll be honest--I am angry today.
Two weeks ago, I made arrangements to get $100 out of my disability account. The first week, last week, one of my neighbors died, which caused my payee to have to reschedule checks to this week. Today, there was no sign of the check. I am very angry.
Yet I am calm and have not resorted to any negative coping skills. I've relearned how to be angry.
When an elite SWAT assault force, comprised of battle-ready psychiatrists from some of our nation’s most horrifying backwaters of mental instability, leaped from the belly of a B-52 bomber in Washington, D.C. today, tourists and off-duty policeman alike were stunned and amazed. Falling in tight formation, these plucky providers landed without incident in the Capitol building parking lot. After a few minutes of chute detaching the sanity squadron marched single file into the quiet, once-dignified chamber housing a hopelessly deadlocked House and Senate.
Moments later, Quentin Nightingale, Secretary of Sanity, made a surprise appearance on the Emergency Broadcasting System. “Ladies and gentlemen," he began, “at 12:15 p.m., eastern standard time, an assault team of specially trained psychiatrists with boots on the ground, hand-to-hand experience facing extreme insanity staged a surprise occupation of Congress. These skilled, compassionate medical professionals will control Congress until, and not before, Congress can collectively demonstrate to a duly appointed panel of medical professionals that it is no longer insane.
A common bipolar symptom that often occurs in manic episodes is that of grandiosity – having an inflated sense of self, believing that one has special powers, spiritual connections, or religious relationships. This is a simple definition of grandiosity, but I find that in my personal experience, as many people do, that I do not perfectly fit into this textbook definition.
I talk a great deal about self-care for parenting a child with mental illness. The task isn't easy. Not only are you responsible for this child, but you also need to address his or her mental illness. We spend so much time caring for our kids that we don't have time to care for ourselves.
I made my last, intentional self-injury cut on the night of October 14, 2008. I was sitting in the bathtub, staring down at a bobby pin and crying about the news I’d gotten that morning. The news had been devastating and to this day, still leaves me in disbelief.
Ahhh! It's 10:27pm on a Sunday night and I have just spent hours CLEANING. Yes, cleaning is very important to me. I like to have a tidy house that has everything in its place - and happens to be kitty litter and dust free. No, that doesn't happen very often. I have Adult ADHD and along with that often comes inconsistency. It's a Catch-22 really: I feel better and think better when things are clean and tidy, but I find it hard to be consistent with keeping things clean and tidy.
Oversleeping is my way out of depression. That's not so odd seeing that sleep, whether it is too much or too little, can be a symptom of depression. For me, I could never get enough sleep. That is often still the case, a keen reminder that I must always be aware of the symptoms of depression that affect me. Depression makes me want to oversleep to numb the pain.
Can a verbal abuser change? I've heard that question so many times and it is always delivered with a longing tone. Verbal abuse victims very much want their abuser to want to change. Some verbal abusers honestly do want to change. I don't know how rare those types of abusers are, and there's no way to know if your partner wants to change by listening to what they say because it is so easy to lie.
Did you know that the answer to your productivity depends on the first 15 minutes of your day? Physically we know having breakfast in the morning is important to getting the right fuel to sustain our energy and metabolism throughout the day. What we may not realize is that fueling our brain with what it needs to sustain focus and productivity is equally as important. Similar to how we will grab and eat whatever is quickest when unplanned hunger strikes, we will grab aimlessly for something "to do" which may not be the most helpful or productive or valuable thing for us to focus on during the day.
I believe she will only be able to rid herself of her demons, and hopefully her BPD as well, when she's ready to confront the abuse of her father. If she can put the blame where it belongs, she may stop projecting that victim/perpetrator cycle on the present men in her life. These demons are a metaphor for the purgatory she has created for herself. That reality has consequences in the real world, but it need not be real in the tangible sense. Exorcising her demons will require the expenditure of real physical energy and probably the destruction of aspects of her personality. If this ever happens, and it's possible but not probable, then these demons will evaporate. They are only as real as one's personality is real. In short, reality is not the question, it's what you make of the things you feel to be real.