Family Self-Stigma: Dangerous and Possibly Tragic

"Katy Jones" is now a high school student. She might not have made it past the seventh grade, though. It took a watchful teacher and a caring school psychologist to take the action that Katy's family was afraid of: admitting Katy for help when the risk was that "people might think she's crazy."

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I saw the op-ed piece, called Fighting the stigma of mental illness, in our local newspaper in Connecticut, and immediately wrote a thank-you note to its author, Kenton Robinson.

Robinson writes about "Katy", a student of his in middle school, and how her darker thoughts came to his attention in journal assignments, with increasing talk of death. When Robinson told Katy she must talk to her parents and get some help, Kathy wrote that her parents refused to entertain the idea that she might have such problems. Then, Kathy dropped a note on the teacher's desk:

It was a suicide note.

“Dear Mr. Robinson ... You are very kind. You care for people you hardly know … I wish you could help me. But you can’t. No one can… My emotions are tearing me up inside like a cat in you that is scratching to get out… I’m sorry I was mad at you … Bye-bye.”

In an instant, I was on the phone to the school psychologist. We must act now, I said. We called her parents and ordered them to come to the school that afternoon. When they came, they were
furious. How dare I say their daughter was “crazy?”

And we told them: Either they got Katy help or we would see that Katy was taken away.

In this case, possible tragedy was averted. Despite the parents' protests, Katy was admitted to a psychiatric hospital, and eventually with the help of medication and treatment, a new Katy emerged out of the shadows.

(Katy) was smiling now, chattering with friends (so much so as to earn admonishments from her teacher), and raising her hand in class.

She completed the 7th grade, and I didn’t see her again until the following year, on the last day of school before Christmas. Accompanied by three giggling friends, Katy came to my room and
handed me a gift: an angel she had made with wire and green plastic beads.

This is how dire the consequences of the stigma of mental illness can be. And this is how confronting that stigma can save a life.

Now imagine what else might have happened. What if Katy's parents - themselves, I suspect, victims of the stigma that exists all around us that the "label of mental illness" is to be avoided at all costs (and the costs can be quite high, as now 1 out of 14 high school students in Connecticut attempted suicide in the last 12 months) - had stuck with their pride and continued to believe they could "ignore the problem and it would go away"? That Katy would somehow just outgrow those feelings?

I've been at the that stage, and it's called normalizing. Finally realizing that my Ben had a serious mental illness - schizophrenia - that was not his fault, and not our fault, was the turning point that, while devastating, was also a relief - and the springboard to actions that probably saved his life.

Don't let stigma cloud your judgment if someone you love needs help. Please. the consequences could be so much worse than the judgmental looks from others that you think you fear. Help is out there. Insisting on it is the first, vital, step.