Choosing Happiness

For years, research has suggested that the happier and less stressed we are, the less likely we are to get sick, develop long-term health issues and lead more fulfilled lives. The more pessimistic, stressed out, and lacking in self-confidence we are, the more health hazards come our way. From stroke, heart attacks, depression, even cancer, many studies suggest that a happier life leads to lower risks for developing such health problems.

It can be habitual for some to look at the glass half empty, going through each day as if it is a burden, and consequently impacting their relationships with others and themselves. A lack of self-confidence leads to low self–esteem, fear of failure, negative expectations, self doubt, and unhappiness.

Happiness is a Choice

You can choose to hold on to things in the past; negative thoughts about yourself, others, or a situation, and stay stuck (which is exhausting). The alternative is to try to see the lesson in a challenging situation, take baby steps towards forgiving someone who hurt you, and move forward. Holding onto this anger or sadness is likely not serving you; focus on things that will make you a happier, more positive person. Stop sabotaging your happiness by past experiences or current stressors.

Personally, I know how difficult this can be. At times, something out of your control occurs and all you want to do is lament in the sadness or feel bad for yourself, but it doesn’t help.

Recently, I experienced how hard this can be. I took a few days to be sad and was really hard on myself. Looking back, I see how this was a habit I learned as a teenager, but it wasn't effective in my adulthood.

I realized this a few days into my misery and decided to take an adult step out of sadness and self-deprecating talk. I got tired of feeling bad. I started slowly looking for more happiness to fill my emotionally drained “bucket”. Rather than noticing all the negatives in my day, crowded subways, clients cancelling, or focusing on the challenging event, I began looking at these experiences as opportunities. It was just too tiring to be negative all the time. I get to walk and explore the city, since the subway was a mess. I can spend more time catching up on my writing or conquer that to-do list, rather than getting frustrated about a client I can’t control. I can look for beauty in any situation around me. I have learned through this crummy experience that I can control my happiness, which increases my confidence and knowing I can handle what life throws my way.

Seek Out Happiness

• Surround yourself with positive people. If you notice there are people around you that are “Debbie Downers”, sucking the life out of you, choose to spend less time with these people. Spend time with those who fill you up, motivate, and enhance your life.
• Workout. Even just a quick walk can increase serotonin, the “feel good” neurotransmitter. Often times, when we are a crummy mood, we just want to sit in it. Don’t! This is your lack of confidence or negative self talk. Ask yourself, how does this serve me? It doesn’t. Get out and get moving.
• Be kind to others. Opening doors, smiling, asking someone how they are doing, telling someone you appreciate their time are simple acts of kindness that can brighten someone's day, and yours as well.
• Get mindful. Mindfulness, being aware of the present moment, is a great way to let go of what is to come and what has been. Practicing mindfulness daily can increase confidence, decrease negative self-talk, and actually enhance your immunity. When we are focused on stressful life events, this effects our entire body. Focus on the now and learn to turn off some of the negative “noise” in your mind. Try a yoga class, YouTube mindfulness exercises, or meditations.
• Log off. Get off the computer and the internet for a few hours (this means Facebook, too), put your phone on silent, and put it in a drawer. Take a hiatus from technology for a little while and focus on you. Being attached to technology can make us spend time comparing, expecting, and doesn’t allow us to focus inward. Take a break for yourself.
• Make a part of your home beautiful. This can be as small as a drawer or a corner of your room. Make this a visually appealing place, clean up clutter, put a nice picture or flowers there. When you look at this area, smile.

Bottom line, happiness is your choice. If you want to start to feel more true confidence and love within yourself, start with small steps towards living a happier, healthier life.

Take Good Care,
Emily

Emily is the author of Express Yourself: A Teen Girls Guide to Speaking Up and Being Who You Are.You can visit Emily’s Guidance Girl website. You can also find her on Facebook, Google+ and Twitter.