As we celebrate Independence Day, I find myself reflecting on the concept of freedom, particularly the freedom to cultivate self-esteem. Self-esteem, a crucial aspect of our mental wellbeing, is often overlooked, especially by those of us who have lived experience with mental health issues. Yet, Independence Day serves as a powerful reminder that we have the freedom to make choices that can positively impact our self-esteem and our overall mental health.
The Power to Choose Self-Esteem on Independence Day
Independence Day symbolizes the power of choice, resilience, and triumph over adversity. These are qualities we can harness in our personal journeys toward better mental health. While the journey to improve self-esteem is neither quick nor easy, it is profoundly rewarding. Just as our nation fought for and won its independence, we, too, can fight for and achieve a stronger sense of self-worth. The battle may be internal, but the victories are no less significant.
Moreover, setting realistic goals and acknowledging progress is essential in fostering self-esteem. It's easy to get discouraged when we set unattainable standards for ourselves. Independence Day teaches us the importance of patience and perseverance. Just as our forefathers worked tirelessly toward their vision of a free nation, we, too, must be patient and persistent in our efforts to build a healthier self-image. It's about recognizing that each small victory is a step toward a larger goal.
Another crucial element of building self-esteem on Independence Day is surrounding ourselves with supportive and positive influences. This day is often celebrated with family and friends, highlighting the importance of community. We should seek out relationships that uplift us and distance ourselves from those that bring us down. Positive social interactions can significantly boost our self-esteem and provide a strong support system that reinforces self-worth.
Independence Day Reminds Us that Self-Esteem Is Worth the Time and Effort
It's important to remember that nurturing our mental states requires time and effort. Just as a garden needs regular care to flourish, our self-esteem needs consistent attention and nurturing. There will be setbacks and challenges along the way, but each effort we make contributes to our overall growth and resilience.
Independence Day is a reminder of our collective ability to overcome obstacles and achieve greatness. Similarly, we have the freedom and strength to improve our mental health and self-esteem. By taking deliberate steps to challenge negative thoughts, set realistic goals, and build supportive relationships, we can cultivate a stronger sense of self-worth.
As we celebrate the freedoms that Independence Day represents, let's also celebrate the freedom we have to choose our thoughts, behaviors, and, ultimately, our sense of self-esteem. The journey may be long, but the rewards are immense. Embrace this day as a reminder of your power to shape your mental health and self-worth. Take pride in each step you take toward a more confident, resilient you.
Being vulnerable does not come naturally to me (in fact, it downright scares me), but I am learning to confront this fear and explore the art of vulnerability in eating disorder recovery. As I grow in self-awareness, I have realized that I know how to be authentic, courageous, honest, and outspoken—but my most tender, vulnerable parts remain securely under wraps. There is an art to vulnerability.
While I believe it's incumbent on all of us to protect our hearts when necessary, I am tired of living with a self-imposed fortress built around my heart. Sure, there is an element of risk in dismantling these walls. I could re-expose myself to the rejection I fought so hard to overcome. Hesitations aside, though, I want to embrace the art of vulnerability in eating disorder recovery.
My Experience with the Art of Vulnerability in Eating Disorder Recovery
As a child, the raw emotions I observed came in the form of daily confrontations between my mom and sister. Their volatile arguments would last for hours until they both shut down out of pure exhaustion. At an early age, I assumed that all emotions were as disruptive as the ones I retreated from at home. I had labels for such emotions: loud, messy, weak, and erratic—not worth the trouble of expressing. I learned to process internally, to avoid those clumsy outbursts, and to be quasi-truthful with others while still holding them back at a safe distance.
The older I became, the more circumstances emerged to reinforce my skepticism of the art of emotional vulnerability. It seemed like each time I poured out my heart to someone else, rejection inevitably followed. Of course, teenagers cannot always recognize the complex nuances of relational dynamics, so my own interpretation might have been skewed. But nevertheless, I used those experiences as confirmation that vulnerability was not for me.
While this defense mechanism successfully buffered me from pain, it also left me feeling numb, cynical, impenetrable, and cut off from the world. Those were excellent conditions for my eating disorder to thrive in. The more familiar I became with mistrust and isolation, the further I spiraled into harmful behaviors until I finally sought help in my mid-20s. This was one of the scariest, most desperate actions I had ever taken, but it showed me that being vulnerable is not a weakness—it's a strength. I am still unraveling my fears and reframing my assumptions in this area, but I do believe that making room for the art of vulnerability is part of eating disorder recovery.
What I'm Learning About the Art Vulnerability in Eating Disorder Recovery
This video is restricted by Youtube because it discusses eating disorders. Please watch it on youtube.com.
Are you discovering what it means to practice the art of vulnerability in eating disorder recovery? What lessons have come to light for you? Are there any beliefs, assumptions, fears, or narratives that you are still working to release in this area? If you feel comfortable, please share in the comment section—no answer is "too much" for this community we have built together.
There is an intersection between men's mental health and addiction. June is Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month. Having walked the tough road of gambling addiction recovery, I feel it would be a great injustice not to address one of the most pressing issues—gambling addiction and its profound impact on men's mental health.
Understanding the Risks of Gambling Addiction on Men's Mental Health
The reasons men may be more susceptible to gambling addiction and the mental health conditions associated with it include peer influence, financial pressures, and societal expectations. Traditional masculinity often glorifies risk-taking and competitiveness. Gambling embodies both aspects, making it attractive to men who feel pressure to live up to this image. Gambling addiction, then, can have a profound effect on men's mental health.
Breaking Free: Gambling and Mental Health Resources for Men
For a lot of men, gambling starts as a casual night out with friends or a way to unwind after work, and before they know it, they spiral out of control. Fortunately, recovery is possible. If you are struggling with gambling addiction or suspect you may have an underlying mental health condition, it is crucial to seek help.
The negative impacts of addiction on men's mental health can be lessened by:
Talking to a therapist—Find a trusted therapist/counselor in your area. You can also find one online. Today, there are so many licensed therapists providing effective online help for men's mental health with regard to gambling.
Joining a gambling recovery support group—Connecting with others who understand your struggles can be incredibly valuable to men's mental health and gambling recovery journey. You can find such groups on Facebook and other social media platforms.
Investing in self-care—Prioritize healthy habits like mindfulness and spending time with loved ones to support your overall wellbeing.
Self-excluding from gambling—Join self-exclusion programs to restrict yourself from accessing gambling platforms.
Men struggling with mental health and gambling addiction are not alone. Gambling addiction recovery websites like this one offer a safe space for information, support, and resources.
The connection between gambling addiction and men's mental health is undeniable, but recovery is possible. By acknowledging you have a problem and seeking help, you can break free from the cycle of gambling addiction and even achieve lasting mental wellbeing.
Watch this video in the link below for more about men's mental health and gambling addiction:
I recently started thinking about anxiety and laughter at bedtime with my kids. "I love when you laugh." It was a simple statement by my oldest daughter as we giggled while I cuddled her before bed. It hit me to the core. I hadn't laughed with her like that in a long time -- especially not at bedtime, the most stressful time of the day. At that moment, I realized just how much my chronic anxiety had been impacting my sweet girl.
Anxiety and Laughter at Bedtime Don't Usually Happen Together
At bedtime, anxiety and laughter don't usually occur at the same time. My anxiety causes me to be irritable, easily overwhelmed, and frozen in panic attacks. By the end of each day, my coping skills are maxed out, and bedtime becomes extra stressful. I just need my kids to go to sleep.
I find myself snapping more easily and feeling panicked at how long everything is taking. My breathing becomes short and fast, my heart beats rapidly, and I feel like everything is out of my control. When I feel like I don't have control over situations, I feel trapped, and my anxiety is kicked into overdrive.
Learning to Exist with Anxiety and Laughter at Bedtime
The night my sweet girl told me she loves when I laugh, I realized I am in control, and I can choose to be happy. That night, I decided to release the feelings of irritability and panic that usually come with bedtime and be in the moment with my kids. I applied tools I learned in therapy by putting my anxiety in a box, taking deep breaths, and being present instead of stuck in a "what ifs" and "should haves" mindset. In doing so, I had a precious moment with my daughter, who is growing up too fast.
Sometimes, choosing to be happy isn't enough, though. I realized I needed extra help to get control of my anxiety. I started taking a medication prescribed by my doctor and have seen a huge difference in my capacity to remain calm and happy instead of anxious at bedtime.
Anxiety and Laughter at Bedtime Shows Me I Have More Control Than I Realize
In the past five years, so much of my life has felt out of control. I have been in survival mode and a battle with my brain. I experienced postpartum depression and anxiety after having my youngest daughter. In seeking healing, I went to therapy and learned many tools to help. The most valuable lesson I've learned in my journey is that I have more control than I realize.
I'm still learning how to gain control of my anxiety, but I know it starts with me. I can choose to get help. I can choose to apply the skills I've learned and get better. I can choose to laugh, and I want to laugh because my daughter loves it.
Learn more about how laughing can help defeat anxiety; watch this.
It's 2024, yet the very idea that it is good for men to talk about their feelings is frowned upon. Traditional notions of masculinity discourage emotional expression, with anger being the only "acceptable" emotion for men to express. As a daughter, partner, and friend, I have seen how these toxic social expectations cause men to struggle in silence. As a mental health advocate, I believe that changing this narrative is crucial for supporting men's mental health. Men need to talk about their feelings.
Men Should Talk About Feelings
Emotional expression is a quintessential aspect of being human. However, guys grow up suppressing their feelings. From a young age, many boys are taught that emotions are feminine and weak, and it is unmanly for a male to express how he is feeling. By frequently saying things like "boys don't cry" and "take it like a man," society ingrains the false notion that showing vulnerability is a sign of weakness. This cultural conditioning results in men bottling up emotions like fear, pain, and sadness and inevitably causes mental health issues.
For example, one of my friends lost his mother to cancer a few years ago. Although he was close to her, he didn't let himself grieve as he felt he had to "be strong." Soon, he became irritable, was unable to sleep, and lost interest in his hobbies. When he revealed this to me in a fit of frustration, I pushed him to consult a therapist immediately as these were signs of depression.
After a couple of sessions, he began to open up and talk about how his mother's loss had affected him. Voicing his feelings allowed him to release pent-up emotions and start the healing process. With guidance from his therapist, he learned healthy coping mechanisms to manage his grief and gradually regained his emotional wellbeing. Seeing his recovery showed me the importance of creating a supportive environment where men feel safe to talk about their feelings.
What Can You Do to Help Men Talk About Their Feelings?
Each one of us needs to do our bit to create a world where men feel empowered to talk about their feelings and seek the support they need for their mental health. In the video below, I talk about what I do to support the mental health of the men in my life.
It's high time men break free from outdated stereotypes and embrace emotional openness. After all, vulnerability is a strength, and nobody should be pressured to suppress difficult emotions. Men should talk about their feelings.
Have you considered there are benefits to anxiety? Anxiety plays a huge role in my life. My anxiety often surfaces as chronic stress and concerns about my professional life and career. While it has held me back in many instances, I can appreciate some of the ways in which anxiety benefits me.
4 Ways Anxiety Benefits Me
There are four benefits of anxiety I have seen. They include:
Anxiety encourages compassion for others -- Going through anxiety, which is often seen as an invisible illness, has given me the gift of empathizing with others dealing with similar struggles. I recognize that offering understanding and support can make a big difference to someone facing mental health issues. So, I always strive to be an active listener and provide encouragement whenever possible.
Dealing with anxiety increases my resilience -- The daily challenges of managing anxious thoughts and chronic worries encourage me to seek new perspectives and coping strategies. My anxiety motivates me to improve my self-care, prioritize my mental wellbeing, and focus on things that bring me joy. I believe one anxiety benefit is that I've become more resilient as a result of these experiences, as I can navigate through tough times and become stronger.
Anxiety enables me to solve problems in the workplace -- My particular form of anxiety leads me to overanalyze situations. I spend a lot of time reflecting on an issue before reaching a decision. While this can be overwhelming at times, I recognize that this ability to take a step back and thoroughly assess a situation is beneficial for problem-solving in work settings. For instance, this benefit of anxiety allows me to analyze new work tasks and processes and helps me anticipate and proactively address potential issues.
Anxious thoughts push me to plan ahead -- Anxious thoughts push me to consider potential challenges in future events or work tasks and prepare for them. Whether it's planning a hangout with a friend, organizing my work week, or arranging a trip, my anxiety motivates me to plan ahead. While it can be frustrating to experience anxious thoughts during these times, I appreciate that planning ultimately contributes to my peace of mind, organization, and productivity.
Are there ways in which anxiety has benefited your life? I'd like to hear your thoughts in the comments below.
Something I struggle with in my close relationships is splitting in borderline personality disorder (BPD). The closer I get to someone, the harder it hits when I feel disappointed or slighted by them. Whether this slight is real or imagined, I can't seem to keep my passive-aggressive thoughts and comments to myself. The borderline splitting episode takes over, and suddenly, everything is black or white, with no shades of gray in sight.
Splitting in BPD means my loved ones are either my everything or my worst nightmare. One moment, I'm overflowing with love and admiration for them, and the next, I'm drowning in disappointment and anger. It's an emotional whirlwind that leaves me exhausted, constantly swinging between extremes. I know it's tiring for those around me, too, but it's a relentless cycle that's hard to break.
For those unfamiliar with the term, splitting in BPD is a common defense mechanism. It involves viewing people, situations, and even oneself in extremes with little room for the complexities and nuances that usually characterize human behavior in relationships.1 I've found this black-and-white thinking causes rapid shifts in emotions and perceptions, leading to unstable relationships and a turbulent inner life. For me, splitting in BPD is a way to manage overwhelming emotions, but it often results in difficulty maintaining a consistent, balanced view of the world and people in it.
Splitting in Borderline: Anchoring Reality with Pictures
When I'm deep in the throes of splitting in BPD, my brain seems determined to turn my loved ones into monsters. It's during these moments that photos become my savior. Looking at pictures of us together feels like a splash of cold water, jolting me out of the nightmare. It's like those snapshots take me back to the moment they were taken, and I can feel the pure, unfiltered happiness again.
Photos are tangible reminders of the good times, the real moments that matter. They anchor me in reality when my mind tries to convince me otherwise. They're proof that the villains I see in my loved ones are just shadows, not the true essence of who they are. These images act as bridges, reconnecting me to the warmth and safety that gets lost when I'm splitting in BPD.
Voice notes or audio recordings are also helpful. Hearing their voices, such as the way they say my name, is like an instant reality check. It pulls me out of the spiral and back into the truth of our connection. These notes remind me that the trust we've built over time is real, not just a figment of my stressed-out imagination.
BPD and Splitting: How Visuals and Voices Restore Balance
While a hug can definitely soothe me, I've learned to step back when I'm not feeling calm or clear-headed around my loved ones. My phone is filled with visuals and voices that help me get centered before reconnecting. These photos and voice notes are like a self-care kit in times of crisis, and I use them like breadcrumbs guiding me out of the dark forest of my thoughts. They remind me of the trust we've built, cutting through the extremes my mind creates. It's not a quick fix, but they bring me back to a real, imperfect middle ground where I can find peace amid the storm of splitting in BPD.
Source
Chapman, J., Jamil, R. T., Fleisher, C., & Torrico, T. J. (2024, April 20). Borderline Personality disorder. StatPearls - NCBI Bookshelf. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK430883/
Binge eating became a coping mechanism during my breakup. Recognizing this destructive pattern and taking steps to manage it was crucial for my wellbeing. Here's how I managed my binge eating during my breakup.
Initially, the end of my relationship left me feeling lost and alone. I turned to food for comfort, often consuming large amounts of junk food in a short period. The temporary relief of binge eating during a breakup was soon overshadowed by guilt and physical discomfort. I knew I needed to change, but it wasn't easy.
3 Ideas to Manage Binge Eating Disorder During a Breakup
Watch this to learn three creative ways I've discovered to handle binge eating during a breakup.
Other Ways to Stop Binge Eating After a Breakup
Identifying Emotional Eating Triggers
For me, the first step was acknowledging my emotions. I realized binge eating was a response to my feelings of sadness, anger, and loneliness. By identifying these emotions, I could start addressing them directly rather than masking them with food. I began journaling daily, which helped me process my thoughts and feelings. Writing down my emotions gave me a clearer perspective and reduced the urge to binge eat after a breakup.
Creating a Healthy Eating Environment
Next, I sought support from friends and family. Sharing my struggles with trusted loved ones provided relief and understanding. They encouraged and reminded me that I was not alone in this journey. Their support was instrumental in helping me stay motivated and focused on healthier coping strategies instead of binge eating after a breakup.
I also made significant changes to my environment. I removed tempting, unhealthy foods from my home and stocked up on nutritious options. This simple step reduced the likelihood of impulsive binge episodes. Additionally, I started planning my meals and snacks, ensuring they were balanced and satisfying. This structure helped me regain control over my eating habits.
Exercising for Emotional Health
Exercise became another essential aspect of my binge eating recovery. I started with light activities like walking and gradually incorporated vigorous exercises like running and yoga. Physical activity not only improved my mood but also helped me manage stress and anxiety. It became a positive outlet for my emotions.
Practicing Mindful Eating
Mindfulness practices, such as meditation and deep breathing exercises, also played a crucial role. These techniques helped me stay present and aware of my body's hunger and fullness cues. By practicing mindfulness, I became more attuned to my emotional triggers and could respond to them in healthier ways instead of binge eating after a breakup.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Finally, I decided to seek professional help about my breakup and binge eating. Consulting a therapist specializing in eating disorders provided me with valuable insights and strategies tailored to my needs. Therapy sessions helped me understand the underlying issues contributing to my binge eating and taught me effective coping mechanisms.
It's Worth It to Manage Binge Eating After a Breakup
Managing binge eating during a breakup was challenging, but it was also a transformative experience. By identifying emotional triggers, finding support, creating a healthy eating environment, exercising, practicing mindful eating, and seeking professional guidance, I gradually regained control over my eating habits. This journey taught me resilience and self-compassion, and I emerged stronger and more mindful of my relationship with food.
Back in college, I believed that finding my purpose in life would bring me mental peace. After graduating as an information technology engineer, I took some time to figure out that my first love, writing, was my purpose. I thought that I had finally figured out my pathway to peace. Little did I know how wrong I was. Here's what I wish I knew about purpose and peace in my 20s.
Finding Your Purpose Is Not Going to Bring You Peace
What is purpose? According to Greater Good, it is defined as follows:
"Purpose is an abiding intention to achieve a long-term goal that is both personally meaningful and makes a positive mark on the world. The goals that foster a sense of purpose can potentially change the lives of other people, like launching an organization, researching a disease, or teaching kids to read."1
While finding my purpose helped me cope with depression and anxiety, it didn't bring me peace.
I define peace as a state where the mind is calm and at ease. One of the biggest mistakes in my 20s was treating peace as a destination. If I had known then that peace is a daily practice, I wouldn't have been so hard on myself for not having everything figured out. And after finding my purpose, I wouldn't have put so much pressure on myself for not being at peace. Maybe I would have realized sooner that living one day at a time is fine -- especially for those of us who live with mental illness.
You Don't Need to Have a Purpose to Find Peace
I have realized that purpose is not necessary to find peace. I know this because, in my nine years as a professional writer, there have been a few times when I lost my purpose. I found out that my mind was restless in both cases: when I was living my purpose and when I lost my purpose. I have found that peace is about accepting the present moment, regardless of whether I am pursuing a goal or have lost my sense of direction in life.
While purpose can give meaning to life, you can find peace (or some semblance of it) only when you embrace uncertainty and live in the present. I wish I had known in my 20s that peace is a state of mind; it has nothing to do with your goals and accomplishments. Well, as they say, better late than never.
Source
Purpose Definition | What is purpose. (n.d.). Greater Good. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/purpose/definition#what-is-purpose
I’ve decided that my mental health is more important to me than politics. Here’s why I feel I have to take this stance–and, for many this election year, mental health is more important than politics.
Prioritizing My Mental Health Over Politics
For many years now, many people, including my friends and family, have been emphasizing their desire to stay informed. I’ve decided this is at odds with my desire to stay sane. I’ve even seen Internet cartoons about this. Imagine that times 100. That’s me.
I was reading the news every day and practicing political activism–writing to my representatives and donating money to causes I cared about–until very recently. I was struggling, and as the struggle began to spiral downward, I felt as though I’d been shot in the chest. It hurt to care. I couldn’t do it anymore. I had to prioritize my mental health over politics.
This isn’t the first time this has happened. Shortly after Trump was inaugurated, I had a meltdown on Facebook. It was a rant against Trump and about how I couldn’t take the tension anymore. At first, I had tried to treat Trump’s election like a project; I bought a book about mental illness at a feminist bookstore (mental health is a cause I will never give up on), and I joined the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU).
I cheered my friends on as they went on the Women’s March. I didn’t go because loud, rowdy crowds trigger intense anxiety and panic for me. Then I broke down. Shortly after my meltdown, I had my husband, Tom, drive me to the emergency room because I felt suicidal. I was so unstable I had to quit one of my jobs. From the emergency room, I was admitted to an intensive outpatient program (IOP), in which I went to classes and group therapy but didn’t stay overnight like I did when I was a patient in a psychiatric ward years earlier.
My Mental Health Is More Important to Me Than Politics, But I’m Still Going to Vote
So, now, I’m doing what I did then: I’ve stopped reading the news, I’ve sanitized my Facebook feed, and I won’t be watching the debates, for starters. What I mean by “sanitizing my Facebook feed” is that I’ve stopped following political pages and unfollowed some friends who post a lot about politics. I haven’t followed some of them since the 2016 election. That was when I had to stop going online to relax when I was hearing schizoaffective voices. The atmosphere on Facebook had become toxic. Even if I agree with someone’s politics, I still don’t follow the person because politics on either side are so volatile right now. My mental health is more important than politics. However, I will be voting in the fall. I feel that I owe it to myself and my country to make my voice heard.
Some say that taking a break from politics is a privilege. I have a lot of anger towards that kind of thinking, but suffice it to say that I think being able to engage in politics without having to go to the emergency room is a privilege. And the privilege of a break from politics is also a matter of freedom in our democratic society.
If you're in distress, don't hesitate to call 9-8-8 for help.
