Preventing Date Rape

Sexual assertiveness is part of preventing date rape. Take our sexual assertiveness quiz, then learn some techniques to prevent date rape.

The following is a questionnaire on sexual assertiveness as well as tips for preventing date rape. Respond to the questionnaire and then study your answers. Does anything stand out for you? Just how clear are you about what your rights are?

After this questionnaire, there are some suggestions about Date Rape prevention.

People have the right to:

1. Make their own decisions regarding intercourse or other sexual activity regardless of their partner's wishes.
Never Sometimes Always

2. Use or not use birth control regardless of their partner's wishes.
Never Sometimes Always

3. Tell their partner when they want to make love.
Never Sometimes Always

4. Tell their partner they don't want to make love.
Never Sometimes Always

5. Tell their partner they won't have intercourse without birth control.
Never Sometimes Always

6. Tell their partner they want to make love differently.
Never Sometimes Always

7. Masturbate to orgasm.
Never Sometimes Always

8. Tell their partner they are being too rough.
Never Sometimes Always

9. Tell their partner they want to be hugged or cuddled without sex.
Never Sometimes Always

10. Tell their relative they're uncomfortable being hugged or kissed in certain ways.
Never Sometimes Always

11. Ask their partner if they have been examined for S.T.D.'s.
Never Sometimes Always

12. Stop foreplay at any time, including the point of intercourse.
Never Sometimes Always

13. Refuse to have intercourse even though they may have had sex with their partner before and enjoyed it.
Never Sometimes Always

Date Rape Prevention

Date or acquaintance rape means being forced or pressured into having sex by someone you know--against your will, without your consent.

• Know that it could happen to you.
• Be assertive in setting boundaries for relationships. Even casual unwanted contact should be firmly discouraged. It is easier to fight off a big attack if you've practiced on smaller intrusions.
• Judge a person by his or her behavior, not race, looks, socioeconomic status, or even relationship to you. Watch out for someone who:
  • gets hostile when you say "no"
  • ignores your wishes, opinions, ideas
  • attempts to make you feel guilty or accuse you of being uptight if you say "no" to sex
  • acts excessively jealous or possessive; keeps tabs on your whereabouts
  • displays destructive anger and aggression

• Define your limits, i.e., how much touch you want with different friends (handshake, kiss on cheek, kiss on mouth, hug with both arms, intercourse, no touch). Think about this in advance, even though you can change your mind later.
• Defend your limits: "I don't like it when you do that"; "I like you and I don't want to go to bed with you"; "Let's go to the coffeehouse (instead of to your room)." You have the right to be respected, to change your mind, to say "no" or just say, "Because I don't want to." Practice saying "no" clearly --don't hint, don't expect anyone to read your mind.
• Be prepared for the person's reaction to your defending your limits. Possible reactions include hostility, embarrassment, blaming you for leading him or her on. You are not responsible for the other person's behavior or reaction; if s/he is someone you care about, you may wish to help him or her through the embarrassment, but you do not need to feel responsible. You have every right to your own decisions.
• Most date rapes involve men and women who conform to traditional, rigid sex roles so it is important to examine sexism in order to prevent rape. Avoid stereotypes such as "anger is unfeminine" or "real men have sex" that prevent you from expressing your real feelings.
• Communicate clearly! Say "no" when you mean no; "yes" when you mean yes; stay in touch with your feelings to know the difference.
• Believe and act as if you come first, without exploiting others. Treat yourself and others with respect.