The Five Predictors of Having Good Sex

how to have good sex

1. Being physically fit.

Having sex requires physical energy. Thus, the sexual activities will be modified, compensating for the person who fatigues easily. Being in shape allows you to not only last longer, but to enjoy what you are doing in the moment because you do not have to worry about all the sore muscles which you are developing. Furthermore, having sex with someone who is in shape is more physically appealing. It is nice to know that the person you are with takes good care of themselves. That is appealing. In addition, when a person is in shape, they are often able to maneuver you into a sexual position. They are able to be on top for longer than two minutes, never mind the sweat that drips all over you. To get into better physical shape, you have several options:

1. You could engage in more sex. If sex is a good work out, then why not do more of it?
2. You could also get a membership to a gym and start working out.
3. Or you could start going on long walks, or bike ride with friends.

2. Being physically coordinated.

Sex requires coordination. All good sex, whether it be solo sex (ie. masturbation) two-person sex, or group-sex, requires moving to a rhythm. Those without coordination are awkward. Coordination is not something that people naturally have. Coordination can be improved by practice. So get ready to have a lot of sex. Coordination can also be learned by taking dance classes, yoga classes, tai chi classes and even swim classes. They all focus on centering your energy and using multiple body parts at the same time.

3. Having good communication skills.

Good sex requires sharing with your partner your likes and dislikes, and listening to her / his likes or dislikes. Secondly, good sex (at least in the long term) requires feeling connected. Feeling connected assumes that you feel like your partner understands you, and that you understand her / him. Good communication skills assumes good listening skills.

4. Being insecure.

The best lovers tend to be insecure lovers. Insecure lovers have a tendency to be hyper-aware of how their partner is feeling, reacting, thinking. As a result, the partner tends to go the extra mile to make sure that the other person is happy. This makes for good sex. If the partner is not happy, than she/he is not happy. One example of going the extra mile is: After the man orgasms, he will still voluntarily, without being asked, go down on a woman (i.e. engage in cunnilingus).

5. Being willing to take a risk, to experiment, to test one's own personal boundaries.

and

6. Practice

Practice makes perfect!

Letter to the editor
I read your "The five predictors of having good sex," and I agree with four of the five, but take issue with your comment that "the best lovers tend to be insecure lovers." If that were true, then the best relationships -- from the perspective of trying to "make the other person happy" would be codependent ones! Sure, YOUR needs may be met, but your insecure partner's personal needs would not be.

The only needs that an insecure lover would have met would be the need to please their partner in order to receive pleasure back. Quid pro quo.
Ron Polland, PhD

next: The Psychology of Sex