Since I’ve been having major issues with not being able to fall asleep lately, I’ve been up at night browsing the Internet more than usual. My nightly routine has been as follows: write, push dog off keyboard, look at Facebook, write, look at Pinterest, push dog off keyboard and write a little bit more. During those in-between moments, I started remembering how dangerous the web used to be during my days of self-harm. You can find anything on there. You can find pictures that trigger self-injurious behaviors and websites that support those behaviors. There are websites that support stopping self-harm – such as healthyplace.com. However, do those websites overpower the negative ones for those who are curious self-harmers?

Life is weird. That is one statement almost everyone can agree to be true. Nothing is normal about the lives we live, even if we follow the same boring schedule day after day. Even for those who think they have their lives planned to perfection, something out of the ordinary will happen to rearrange that agenda. Something is bound to happen to shake your life up and when it does happen, will you be ready? Will you have those handy dandy coping skills ready to go? Will you stand with a smile and stay positive? We’re all human and many of us won’t be ready to pull coping skills out from our pockets right when we need them.

I’ve never been one to watch movies on a daily basis. Sure, I like movies, but I’d rather watch Big Bang Theory or How I Met Your Mother re-runs. Hell, I don’t even own a DVD player. However, I do appreciate good movies and the work that goes into making films. Sadly, I only knew Philip Seymour Hoffman as Plutarch Heavensbee from The Hunger Games trilogy. I know he played numerous other roles and was an Oscar winning actor. However, after he lost his battle to drug addiction, it got me thinking about self-harm and how big of an addiction it is as well. Yes, I believe self-harm is an addiction.

I’m not a religious person and I’m not the kind of person to argue about religion. Believe what you want to believe – easy as that. I’ve never understood why people feel the need to push their beliefs onto other people. Don’t make people change if they’re not willing to or are interested in changing. Self-harm is similar, if looked at in that light.

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve realized something very important. We’ve been told this over and over and even though I’ve heard it and attempted spread the word, just recently have I begun to listen. Especially during rough times, it’s crucial to keep a positive head on your shoulders. It’s important to be comfortable with who are and the skin you’re wearing.

I absolutely love “Elvis Duran and the Morning Show”. If you’ve never listened to it – you should. It’s on bright and early in the morning and on the rare occasions when I don’t sleep in, I make sure to turn it on. They talk about everything: sex, celebrities, trending topics and have the best ‘phone-taps’ I’ve ever heard. They’re all very real people who say very real things that everyone can relate to. So, why would one of them put a picture of a razor on Instagram with a somewhat offensive caption?

Recently, I’ve been in a major funk. In my last blog, I brought up that I’ve been in a pretty low state and haven’t felt this way since, well, high school. It’s scary when old emotions come flooding back, especially if those emotions are negative. I’ve been feeling over-tired and unmotivated. I’d rather lie in bed all day than bring my dog for a walk or clean the apartment. However, over the past week, I have been really trying to push myself forward.

I'm under a lot of stress, but I won't turn to self-harm as an answer. No way. After five years without a cut, I will never go back. That’s the thing with being five years self-harm free: I’m so proud of my success that I don’t dare step backwards. But I need to deal with this stress and self-harm urges.

What defines you? Stop for a minute and ask yourself that question. What makes you who you are? Is it your funky personality or your genuine laugh? Is it your passion for art or athletics or academics? Is it your unique imagination? One thing is for sure, it isn’t self-harm.

The ball dropped in Times Square, champagne shot everywhere and resolutions were made. Now, the New Year has officially arrived and even though the northeast got bombarded with a blizzard, those resolutions should still be stuck in our minds. Snow can’t push away the positive choices we will make in the year ahead.