Diet for a hyperactive child should be considered when exploring ways to treat and manage the symptoms of ADHD. What you feed your child directly correlates with how his or her brain functions and brain function is hugely related to hyperactivity and inattention. There are certain ways to approach creating a healthy diet for a hyperactive child, as there are for creating a diet for ADHD inattentive type children.

Diet for Hyperactive Child

If your child suffers from ADHD and falls predominantly in the “hyperactive” category, then you are likely noticing some behavioral challenges.  Maybe your child has difficulty sitting still or is disruptive in the classroom.  Whatever the specific behaviors, what you feed your child could be contributing to hyperactivity.  Thus, creating a healthy diet for hyperactive children is important.

• Switch to natural foods – processed foods are everywhere, and they contain a lot of dyes, additives, and sweeteners.  These artificial flavors and colors promote an overactive nervous system, which can increase hyperactivity.  A diet for a hyperactive child should be composed primarily of natural foods (Food Dyes and ADHD: Do Food Dyes Cause Hyperactivity?).
• Know the “calm foods” – food choices such as apples and bananas, which contain vitamins and minerals that assist in calming the nervous system.  Berries are also a good choice, as they help stop cortisol (stress hormone) spikes.
• Watch what they eat before bed – many children like to have a snack in the evening.  While there is nothing wrong with this, what you feed your child may be contributing to hyperactivity at night, and thus, a difficult sleep cycle.  Steer clear of candy, sugary drinks, and ice cream (ADHD and Sugar: How Sugar Affects Your ADHD Child’s Behavior).  
• Nix the caffeine – a diet for a hyperactive child should never include more than 45mg of caffeine (equivalent to a can of soda).  Yet if you can rid his or her diet completely of caffeine, that is ideal (ADHD and Caffeine: The Effects of Caffeine on ADHD).

Diet for ADHD Inattentive Type Child

If your ADHD child struggles primarily with inattention, then he or she probably finds it hard to finish tasks, follow instructions, or process information.  Of course you want to help your child manage his or her symptoms and identifying what possible dietary changes could be made is a great place to start.

• The Feingold diet – this is a well-known approach to a diet for an ADHD inattentive type child.  Yet it is also somewhat controversial. Following the Feingold diet means eliminating all artificial additives. It also means eliminating salicylates (found in grapes, apples, almonds), and slowly re-integrating them, to check for any negative reactions (ADHD Elimination Diet: Food Sensitivities in ADHD Children).
• Try B vitamins, probiotics, and fish oil – many have found that increasing their child’s vitamin B, probiotic, and fish oil intake has resulted in positive changes. These supplements are known to help with mental focus and promote brain function, and because of this, are good additions to any diet for ADHD inattentive type children.
• Be aware of artificial sweeteners – aspartame, saccharin, and sucralose, to name a few, are artificial sweeteners found in many foods and drinks. Unfortunately, these sweeteners can contribute to memory loss and mental fogginess. Check the ingredients label to be sure you are not giving your child something that contains artificial sweeteners.

A diet for an ADHD inattentive type child may look slightly different than a diet for a hyperactive child. Nonetheless, understanding how your child’s current diet may not be serving him or her can help promote making beneficial changes to help you find the best diet for your ADHD child.

article references

Helpful suggestions for communicating with Alzheimer's patients and the importance of keeping them active.

Whose reality?

Fact and fantasy can become confused as Alzheimer's progress. If the person says something you know isn't true, try to find ways around the situation rather than responding with a flat contradiction.

• If they say, 'We must leave now - mother is waiting for me', you might reply, 'Your mother used to wait for you, didn't she?'
• Always avoid making the person with Alzheimer's feel foolish in front of other people.

Other causes and Alzheimer's

As well as Alzheimer's, communication can be affected by:

• Pain, discomfort, illness or side effects of medication. If you suspect this might be happening, talk to the GP at once.
• Problems with sight, hearing or ill-fitting dentures. Make sure the person's glasses are the correct prescription, that their hearing aids are working properly, and that their dentures fit well and are comfortable.

Physical contact and Alzheimer's

Even when conversation becomes more difficult, affection can help you and the person you're caring for to remain close.

• Communicate your care and affection by the tone of your voice and the touch of your hand.
• Don't underestimate the reassurance you can give by holding the person's hand, or putting your arm around them, if it feels right.

Show respect and Alzheimer's

• Make sure no one speaks down to the person with Alzheimer's or treats them like a child, even if they don't seem to understand what people say. No one likes being patronized.
• Try to include the person in conversations with others. You may find this easier if you adapt the way you say things slightly. Being included in social groups can help a person with Alzheimer's to preserve their fragile sense of their own identity. It also helps to protect them from the overwhelming feelings of exclusion and isolation.
• If you are getting little response from the person, it can be very tempting to speak about them as if they weren't there. But disregarding them in this way can make them feel very cut off, frustrated and sad.

Communicating with someone with Alzheimer's - tips

• Listen carefully to what they have to say.
• Make sure you have their full attention before you speak.
• Pay attention to body language.
• Speak clearly.
• Think about how things appear in the person with Alzheimer's reality.
• Consider whether any other factors are affecting their communication.
• Use physical contact to reassure.
• Show them respect.

Hobbies, pastimes and everyday activities

We all need to do things that keep us occupied and stimulated. If you can help the person you are caring for to find activities that they enjoy, from taking a walk to looking at photos, you can improve their quality of life. This will make you feel better, too.

How can activities help someone with Alzheimer's?

• Taking part in activities will help the person you care for to maintain their skills. They may become more alert and interested in what is going on around them. Many activities are also interesting and fun.
• Carrying out simple tasks can help the person feel better about themselves by giving them a sense of achievement.
• Some types of activity can help the person you're caring for to express their feelings.

Sources:

• Alzheimer's Society - UK
• The Fisher Center for Alzheimer's Research Foundation

I have HIV. I'm scared. How can I cope with my fear?

Finding out that you are infected with HIV (human immunodeficiency virus) can be frightening. One way to fight your fear is to learn as much as you can about the disease. Knowing about HIV and AIDS (acquired immunodeficiency syndrome) will also help you take the best care of yourself.

You can fight your worry about HIV infection with reliable information. Although your friends and family may give you advice, the best information comes from your doctor or your counselor, or from the national, state or local community AIDS resources. Don't allow your feelings about your past behavior, your lifestyle or the possibility that you gave HIV to others keep you from seeking help and information.

What can I do to help myself?

The good news about HIV is that early treatment is helping many people with this infection live longer, healthier lives. It's normal to feel sadness, anxiety and fear when you first learn that you have tested positive for HIV. However, if you have trouble sleeping, eating or concentrating, or if you have thoughts of suicide, tell your doctor. If you are depressed or feel anxious, treatment can also help you feel better.

If you've been told you have HIV, give yourself permission to be afraid. It's OK. But don't let this fear keep you from doing all you can to help yourself. Here are some things you can do:

• Get medical check-ups at regular intervals even if you're feeling well. Ask your doctor how often you should have a check-up.
• Always use a latex condom. Always practice "safer sex." If you don't know how, find out! Your doctor can give you information.
• Help your body fight infection by drinking less alcohol and using less tobacco--or give them up entirely. Eat a balanced diet. Get regular exercise. Get enough sleep.
• Find out what causes stress in your home life and your work life. Do whatever you can to reduce this stress.
• Don't share needles for drugs, steroids, piercing or tattooing.
• Get regular dental check-ups--bleeding gums can increase your risk of infecting someone else.
• Volunteer to work for an AIDS organization. Facing your fears directly can be a good way to cope with them.

Who should know I have HIV?

If you have tested positive for HIV, you must tell your past and present sexual partners. They should get tested too. You must also tell any future sexual partners that you have tested positive for HIV. If you are now in a relationship, you may wish to ask your doctor about how to explain your positive HIV test results to your partner.

Let your doctor and dentist know that you have HIV. This will help them give you the care you need. Your privacy will be respected, and your doctor and dentist can't refuse to treat you just because you have HIV.

What legal issues should I consider?

Everyone who tests positive for HIV should consider ahead of time which treatment options they would want if they become seriously ill and are unable to tell others what they want. Advance directives are written guidelines that tell doctors your wishes for different kinds of treatment if a time comes when you can't make those decisions yourself.

You should also consider getting a medical power-of-attorney. This is a legal document that names someone (e.g., a life partner, a family member or a friend) to make decisions for you if you are seriously ill. A lawyer can draw up the documents for an advance directive and a medical power-of-attorney.

Where can I get more information about HIV and AIDS?

Many national, state and local resources are available to people who are well but are worried about getting HIV, to people who are HIV positive, and to supportive partners, family members or friends.

Managing money and paying bills can be stressful for people with ADHD. ADHD and money problems seem to go together. Symptoms of ADHD, such as impulsivity, disorganization, procrastination, inattention to detail, and difficulty focusing, make money management overwhelming both short- and long-term.

ADHD and money management are challenging at best because the ADHD brain is at odds with the very nature of financial planning. The work is detailed, tedious, and requires focus and concentration. Not only is it difficult to create a financial plan, but it’s also hard to stick to a budget or spending plan when you have ADHD.

ADHD and Money Problems

If you have ADHD and are having trouble managing money, you’re not alone. Many people with ADHD find themselves experiencing specific financial woes. Some of them include:

• Impulsive spending
• Not keeping track of checkbook balances, resulting in bounced checks
• Debt (ADHD and debt are a troubling pair)
• Paying bills late and incurring fees and interest
• Amassing, and keeping, huge credit card balances
• Disorganization with papers, receipts, and more that leads to lost checks, bills, etc.
• Problems saving for the future

Money troubles such as these can be distressing, especially if you feel like you’ve dug a hole out of which you’ll never be able to climb. That feeling is normal. It’s also an illusion. You can overcome ADHD and debt, and you can develop the necessary skills to create financial security now and for the future. There is financial help for adults with ADHD.

Financial Help, Tips for Adults with ADHD

Money management is a learned skill. Even if your adult ADHD symptoms have been interfering with your financial health, you can learn and use money management strategies. One concept to remember as you work on new skills: the ADHD brain needs things to be fun, visual, and rewarding. Keep this in mind as you tailor these money managing tips to your life.

• Intricate budgets are unnecessary and might keep you from moving forward
• Create a simple budget that lists and tracks income, regular expenses, and discretionary expenses (unplanned spending) monthly
• Use organizational tools such as accordion folders, color-coded folders, attractive and fun desk organizers, and large calendars to keep track of bills
• Visually track the increase in your savings so you see the rewards of your work (you might draw a thermometer on a large piece of paper and write your target savings goal at the top. Color in the thermometer as your savings increase and the positive reinforcement will motivate you to continue saving and budgeting)
• Outsource by hiring a financial adviser or turning over money management duties to your partner

These techniques for ADHD and money management are especially useful for medium- and long-range financial planning. There are tips for short-term management as well.

ADHD and Managing Money in the Moment

With ADHD, it’s equally important to manage your money in the present moment. One problem that gets people into financial debt is ADHD impulsive spending.

Many ADHD behaviors, including impulse buying, are driven by the brain’s dopamine system and need for immediate reward and gratification. With ADHD, there is almost a craving to buy something desirable the moment it blips onto your radar. The purchase releases a flood of dopamine, which the ADHD brain is short on; when this happens, you experience a rush that reinforces the impulsive spending habit.

Try these tips reducing impulse buying and managing your money in the moment:

• Reduce your credit card use by having just one and taking it with you only when you have planned a purchase that requires it
• Carry a limited amount of cash with you (and no checkbook, credit card, or debit card, either)
• Stick to a shopping list
• Delete promotional emails and recycle catalogs immediately
• Pause before buying and ask yourself if the purchase is something you want or something you need. If you don’t need it, don’t buy it right away
• Replace spending money with a different fun activity

The Most Powerful Way to Manage Money with ADHD

One of the many strengths of someone with ADHD is a tendency to be a great big-picture thinker. If this is you, put this strength to work for you in your financial planning.

Rather than thinking of reducing debt, shift your thoughts to your purpose. What are your personal visions and goals? Where are you now, and how do you want to manifest your vision?

Think, too, of your values and priorities. How does your spending align with your life values? Do your money habits move you toward that purpose, or are they holding you back?

Reflecting on your financial dreams and purpose will help you prioritize your spending and decrease impulse spending. When ADHD and money management team up to be positive and purposeful, ADHD and money problems decrease.

As Alzheimer's disease progresses, it becomes more difficult for the Alzheimer's patient to communicate. Here are some tips on how to help.

An early sign that someone's language is being affected by Alzheimer's is that they can't find the right words - particularly the names of objects. They may substitute an incorrect word, or they may not find any word at all.

There may come a time when the person can hardly communicate in language at all. Not only will they be unable to find the words of objects, they may even forget your name. People with Alzheimer's often confuse the generations - mistaking their wife for their mother, for example. This may be very distressing for you as the caregiver, but it's a natural aspect of their memory loss.

The person you are caring for may be trying to interpret a world that no longer makes sense to them because their brain is interpreting information incorrectly. Sometimes you and the person with Alzheimer's will misinterpret each other's attempts at communication. These misunderstandings can be distressing, and you may need some support.

Difficulties with communication can be distressing and frustrating for the person with Alzheimer's and for you as a caregiver. But there are lots of ways to help make sure that you understand each other.

Listening skills and Alzheimer's

• Try to listen carefully to what the person is saying and give them plenty of encouragement.
• If they have difficulty finding the right word or finishing a sentence, ask them to explain in a different way. Listen out for clues.
• If their speech is hard to understand, use what you know about them to interpret what they might be trying to say. But always check back with them to see if you are right - it's infuriating to have your sentence finished incorrectly by someone else!
• If the other person is feeling sad, let them express their feelings without trying to 'jolly them along'. Sometimes the best thing to do is to just listen, and show them that you care.

Getting their attention and Alzheimer's

• Try to catch and hold the attention of the person before you start to communicate.
• Make sure they can see you clearly.
• Make eye contact. This will help them focus on you.
• Try to minimize competing noises, such as the radio, TV, or other people's conversations.

Using body language and Alzheimer's

A person with Alzheimer's will read your body language. Agitated movements or a tense facial expression may upset them and can make communication more difficult.

• Be calm and still while you communicate. This shows the person that you are giving them your full attention, and that you have time for them.
• Try to find ways to relax so that your body language communicates confidence and reassurance.
• If words fail the person, pick up cues from their body language. The expression on their face and the way they hold themselves and move about can give you clear signals about how they are feeling.

Speaking clearly and Alzheimer's

• As the Alzheimer's progresses, the person will become less able to start a conversation, so you may have to start taking the initiative.
• Speak clearly and calmly. Avoid speaking sharply or raising your voice as this may distress the person, even if they can't follow the sense of your words.
• Use simple, short sentences.
• Processing information will take the person longer than it used to - so allow them enough time. If you try to hurry them, they may feel pressured.
• Avoid asking direct questions. People with Alzheimer's can become frustrated if they can't find the answer, and they may respond with irritation or even aggression. If you have to, ask questions one at a time and phrase them in a way that allows for a 'yes' or 'no' answer.
• Try not to ask the person to make complicated decisions. Too many choices can be confusing and frustrating.
• If the person doesn't understand what you are saying, try getting the message across in a different way rather than simply repeating the same thing.
• Humor can help to bring you closer together and is a great pressure valve. Try to laugh together about misunderstandings and mistakes - it can help.

Sources:

Alzheimer's Society - UK

Alzheimer's Association

Detailed information on Alzheimer's Disease- symptoms, causes, treatments, medications, and alternative treatments for Alzheimer's.

What is Alzheimer's Disease?

Alzheimer's disease (AD) is a progressive, degenerative brain disease that results in impaired memory, thinking, and behavior. It is the most common cause of dementia in the elderly and affects at least three to four million people in the United States. People with AD experience gradual memory loss as well as impaired judgment, difficulty concentrating, loss of language skills, personality changes, and a decline in the ability to learn new tasks.

Memory loss usually begins at about age 65 and symptoms tend to become severe within 8 to 10 years. In some cases, symptoms may appear earlier in life and advance at a faster or slower rate, but most people who develop symptoms before the age of 60 tend to have more severe forms of the disease.

Currently, there is no cure for AD, but studies suggest that medications, herbs and supplements, and lifestyle adjustments may all help to slow the progression and improve the symptoms of the disease.

Alzheimer's Signs and Symptoms

The early symptoms of Alzheimer's are occasionally overlooked because they resemble signs that many people attribute to "natural aging." The following are the most common signs and symptoms of Alzheimer's Disease.

Alzheimer's Psychological Symptoms

• Memory loss, including not recognizing friends and family members
• Difficulty concentrating
• Difficulty comprehending words, completing sentences, or finding the right words
• Loss of familiarity with surroundings, wandering aimlessly
• Depression
• Hallucinations, delusions, and psychosis
• Aggression, agitation, anxiety, restlessness
• Accusatory behaviors (such as accusations of spousal infidelity)
• Withdrawal, disinterest, hostility, loss of inhibitions

Alzheimer's Physical Symptoms

• Impaired movement or coordination
• Muscle rigidity, shuffling or dragging feet while walking
• Insomnia or disturbances in sleep patterns
• Weight loss
• Incontinence
• Muscle twitching or seizures

To maintain quality of life, Alzheimer's patients need to feel useful. They also need help with memory, social skills and communicating.

Occupation

We all need to feel useful and needed. This does not change when someone develops Alzheimer's. Carrying out appropriate activities around the home or in the garden, if you have one, is a way of enabling a person with Alzheimer's feel useful and to practice everyday skills.

Suggestions for chores in the home include dusting, polishing, folding clothes, laying and clearing tables, drying dishes and sorting cutlery. Work in the garden might include digging, watering, raking or sweeping leaves.

You will know what the person's past interests were. Look and see whether you can help them to maintain skills related to past interests. If the person used to enjoy carpentry, they may get satisfaction from sanding a piece of wood, for example. If they enjoyed cooking they may be able to advise you on a recipe or help with a particular dish.

• It is more important that the person feels useful than that they complete the task perfectly.
• If you do have to redo something, be very tactful and make sure that they are not aware of this.
• Remember to thank the person for their help.

Memory aids

Memory aids and frequent reminders given at the appropriate stage may enable the person to practice their skills for longer. Common sense measures such as labels on cupboards and drawers, a large calendar, a notice board for messages, notes stuck by the front door, for example, can all help in the early stages of Alzheimer's when the person is able to understand the message and to act upon it.

Social skills

• Meeting people and getting out and about will enable people with Alzheimer's to maintain their social skills for longer. It can also help to counteract the apathy and withdrawal so common in Alzheimer's. However, remember that the person will need plenty of individual attention at social gatherings and on outings.
• Explain the situation to friends and neighbors so they will understand changes in behavior.
• Encourage the person to attend a day center if a suitable place is offered. You will both benefit from a break, even for a few hours, and a good day center will help maintain social and other skills.
• Accompany the person with Alzheimer's to places where other people go. This might be a visit to the shops, to a garden center to a gallery or to a park, depending on their interests.
• If the person enjoys going out for a drink or a meal, continue this for as long as possible. A word with the manager of a friendly pub or restaurant can often smooth the way if there are likely to be minor embarrassments.
• Encourage the person to take a pride in their appearance so that they feel more confident. Helping the person to get dressed up before they go out or before visitors come can make it more of an occasion.

Communicating

We all need to communicate with other people. Communicating our needs, wishes and feelings is vital - not only to improve our quality of life but also to preserve our sense of identity. As a caregiver, it's important to encourage the person with Alzheimer's to communicate in whichever way works best for them.

We tend to think of communication as talking, but in fact, it consists of much more than that. As much as 90 percent of our communication takes place through nonverbal communication such as gestures, facial expressions and touch.

• Non-verbal communication is particularly important for a person with Alzheimer's who is losing their language skills
• When a person with Alzheimer's behaves in ways that cause problems for their caregiver, they may be trying to communicate something.

Sources:

Journal of Neuroscience Nursing, Effective Nursing Interventions for the Management of Alzheimer's Disease, June 2000.

Alzheimer's Association

National Institute on Aging

Alzheimer's caregivers face a lot of stress and need to get away sometimes. Before leaving, here are some things for the primary caregiver to consider.

It is important for the caregiver to leave very clear explanations and instructions for whoever is caring for the person with Alzheimer's, preferably in writing. This means that there is less possibility of them forgetting or of there being a misunderstanding. Instructions should include:

• Details of the person with Alzheimer's's usual routine and activities, their likes and dislikes and any dietary, religious or cultural practices that should be respected
• Clear instructions about the running of the home - for example, which keys lock which doors and how the washing machine operates
• Important phone numbers - for the patient's doctor, for example
• The caregiver's contact details or those of someone else they can contact in an emergency.

Care away from home

If short term care is arranged away from home, the person with Alzheimer's may take some time to settle down into their new environment. It may also take them some time to readjust when they get home.

The caregiver should visit the place beforehand, preferably with the person with Alzheimer's, to ensure that the place is suitable and that it can cater for individual needs. They should also check that staff have enough information to enable them to relate to the person with Alzheimer's as an individual, to reassure them when necessary and to avoid any unnecessary distress.

Short term care

For short term care, one option may be residential care homes, nursing homes or hospitals. This is not always easy to arrange as it depends on a place being vacant at a specific time. However, some homes and hospitals put aside a number of places for short term care, enabling caregivers to plan ahead.

• home only providing residential care will probably be suitable if the person with Alzheimer's is mobile and not too confused. Staff usually provide support with washing, dressing and going to the toilet and will assist at mealtimes, if necessary. They do not provide nursing care.
• A home providing nursing care is likely to be suitable if the person with Alzheimer's is seriously confused, has difficulty moving or is doubly incontinent.

Paying for short term care

If the person with Alzheimer's or the caregiver can pay for the total cost of short term care, they can make their own arrangements. Homes providing nursing care are generally more expensive than homes providing residential care only. However, fees for either vary greatly so it is a good idea to approach several homes.

Financial Assistance

If a caregiver is having difficulty paying for respite care, they may be able to get financial help from a charity organization such as United Way.

When the primary caregiver for an Alzheimer's patient takes a vacation, there are some important things to consider.

People who care for someone with Alzheimer's often carry on without realizing how tired or tense they have become. A break or vacation can help them relax and recharge their batteries. Below are some options that include the provision of care both at home and away from home.

It is important that caregivers have regular breaks and make time for their own needs. This may mean organizing some short term care for the person with Alzheimer's, known as respite care.

Respite care may also be needed in other situations. For example, the caregiver might have to go into hospital or might have other important commitments.

Caregivers' feelings

Many caregivers feel worried or guilty about taking a break and leaving the person they are supporting, even for a short period. It is important to remember that:

• If the caregiver stretches themselves too far and becomes ill or depressed, it can make life more difficult for both them and the person with Alzheimer's.
• Caregivers are entitled to time to themselves to do what they want to do.

Many caregivers find it helpful to discuss their concerns with a professional with knowledge of Alzheimer's, with other caregivers or with someone who is knowledgeable about caring for an Alzheimer's patient.

If possible, they should also discuss the situation with the person with Alzheimer's. They may prefer one sort of arrangement to another.

Care at home

Arranging care in the person with Alzheimer's's own home has some advantages. The person may find it reassuring to remain in familiar surroundings. On the other hand, the caregiver might have to spend considerable time and effort making arrangements to ensure that the person is well cared for and that the home runs smoothly while they are away.

The easiest solution might be to arrange for a friend or relative to stay. However, if that isn't possible there are a number of other options. It is important to think carefully about the type of care required. Full-time nursing care is usually very expensive and may not be necessary. Here are some options for finding someone to provide care at home:

• Personal recommendations - perhaps a fellow caregiver, the patient's doctor or the local Alzheimer's Association branch may know of someone suitable.
• Advertisements - advertising locally is often best because the caregiver and person with Alzheimer's can get to know the person beforehand.
• Home health agencies - these can find people to provide respite care, but it will probably be more expensive.
• Care packages - if the person does not need support 24 hours a day, a care package involving family, friends or neighbors, social services, voluntary agencies and even some private care might be the answer.

Precautions

The following checklist may be helpful when arranging care. Caregivers should:

• Always interview the applicant personally and take up references.
• Ask whether the applicant has any experience or training in Alzheimer's care.
• Introduce the applicant to the person with Alzheimer's to ensure that everyone is happy with the situation.
• Check with their insurance company that they are covered for someone working in their home in case of accident or theft.
• Ask the applicant about their employment status. If they are not self-employed, the caregiver might be responsible for their income taxes.
• Make sure that they agree with the applicant exactly what the applicant's role will be. For example, the caregiver needs to make it clear if they expect them to do certain household tasks or take the person out each day.
• Make sure that both they and the applicant are clear about the fees and that this is in writing.

It is not unusual for Alzheimer's caregivers to experience feelings of guilt, depression, and feeling trapped. Here are some helpful suggestions for dealing with those feelings.

You may worry that somehow you may have caused the person's Alzheimer's. Doctors and other professionals will be able to reassure you that the Alzheimer's was not caused by anything you said or did.

You may also feel it is your fault if the person behaves in certain ways - such as constantly walking about or seeming very agitated or distressed. You need to accept that these types of behavior are associated with the Alzheimer's. Do your best to provide a calm, relaxed, routine to help the person feel more secure. But accept that it is impossible to anticipate another person's behavior all the time.

Accepting help

Many caregivers feel that they should be able to manage without any help. You may worry that the person with Alzheimer's will be distressed if you are not there all the time.

Looking after a person with Alzheimer's 24 hours per day for 365 days a year is exhausting. Accepting help means that you will have more energy and that you may be able to go on caring for longer. Even if the person with Alzheimer's is upset at first about others becoming involved they will eventually get used to the idea and come to accept it.

Respite care, as it is known, comes in the form of help in the home, day care and residential respite care. It is usual for the caregiver to find that the first experience of separation makes them feel guilty and they are unable to relax. But do not be put off. You will both get used to the separation and you will gradually experience the benefits of respite, in whatever form it comes.

Time for yourself

At first you may feel very guilty about having time to yourself. You may feel that you are being disloyal if you are enjoying things that the person can no longer share. But it is important for you to have some life outside caring. You need to recharge your batteries; you matter too.

Conflicting demands

You may feel that you are in a 'no-win' situation if you are looking after a person with Alzheimer's and a family. You may have job as well. You feel guilty if you are not giving total support to the person with Alzheimer's and you feel guilty if you are not giving proper attention to your family or job. Don't try to meet every demand. You need to work out what are your absolute priorities and how you can meet them. Then see what other forms of support are available.

Feeling trapped

There are some circumstances where people feel particularly trapped. Perhaps their partner developed Alzheimer's as they were about to separate. Perhaps the caregiver wants to continue with a full-time career rather than devote themselves to caring. It is often helpful to talk through these sorts of dilemmas with a person outside the situation such as a friend, community nurse or counselor. They should be able to help you to reach a decision that feels right for you.

Residential care

When the time comes for the person to move to residential care it is very common for caregivers to feel guilty. You may feel that you have let the person down. Perhaps you feel that you should have coped for longer. You may have promised them earlier that you would always look after them at home. Now you have been forced to break that promise. It is important to talk this through with someone who understands and who can help you to come to terms with your decision. Remember that any promises were probably made when neither of you foresaw the possibility of Alzheimer's and all the strains and stresses it would bring. These feelings can persist for a long time and it is a good idea to find a caregivers support group where you can talk to other people who have shared the same experience

After the person's death

At first you may feel relieved that the person is dead. You may then feel ashamed that you have felt this. Relief is a normal reaction. You have probably done a lot of grieving already - as you noticed each small deterioration in the person during their lifetime.

The experience of caring for a person with Alzheimer's is a history of many small losses. Each time a loss occurs you have to make an adjustment to your lives together and carry on. To survive the caring process you need to look after yourself.

Guilt can be a very destructive emotion which will consume energy which you need for other things. It is important to understand the reasons why you are feeling this way. You will then be able to make clear decisions about what is right for you and the person with Alzheimer's. Try to find someone -a good friend or a professional -to talk to about your feelings.

Sources:

Caring Today Caregiver Guide

National Institute on Aging Caregiver Guide